What the Water Gave Me
by Eaasybugboy
Summary: "If you love me stay, you're not doing the right thing by marrying him, if you love me stay with me." AU inspired by the movie the Romantics
1. One

_Hey everyone! I know a lot of you are waiting for the new chapter of Six Times, I promise it's coming soon, but that little AU haunted me and Killian was screaming inside my head so here it is, it won't be a long fic, probably two one shots, maybe three but not more. It's inspired by the movie The Romantics, if I used the movie at first, I don't think it will end up the same way/ You can thank Montana for pushing to publish it! Again thank you, for betaing faster than the light and being perfect._

_Hope you enjoy!_

* * *

"If you don't drive faster, we won't ever make it in time", Victor groaned in his beer, putting on his sunglasses, looking bored and annoyed, his legs extending in front of him on the car's dashboard. "Graham is going to be pissed."

Killian shrugged, not bothering to look at his friend; if he was so pissed with the way he drove, nobody was preventing him from taking the wheel. "We wouldn't want to miss the wedding of the year, would we?" He said without humor, chewing his lip; since they had started driving in the morning, Victor hadn't stopped worrying about him, asking him every five seconds how was he coping.

"Killian…" Victor warned him, straightening in his seat, his hand going to the radio to lower the volume. Fuck, it sounded like a boring talk was coming, the third one in half an hour. "I know it's not easy for you."

"Drop it," Killian cut him off waving his hand at him; he was more than fine, if he weren't he wouldn't have accept the invitation to the wedding. After all he had driven for five hours already, and that should be quite telling. Right?

"Swan and… We belong to the past."

"Come on," Victor shook his head. "I know you; you kept saying she was the love of your life." Killian squinted, trying to avoid the wave of pain coming for him; he could still feel it, the ghost of her lips on his, he could still picture her beautiful for smile, the one she reserved for him and him alone. He glanced at Victor, breathing heavily, a dead weight ghosting over his chest as if it were hunting his old wounds and scars, the ones he had tried to heal during the last few months. He tried to smile, but it didn't quite work. "Maybe, but I guess I wasn't hers."

"Killian..." Victor cocked his head, Killian hating the look in his eyes, the one full of pity and sorry-mate-for-your-loss. "Just save it, Swan is happy, she's getting married."

"But…"

"No but buddy, this isn't my story nor my happy ending, this is hers, and she found it with Graham." He ended the conversation and put on some music, Victor giving up with a growl.

It was fine.

Killian had never believed in fairytales anyway.

* * *

They arrived at the lovely cottage the Nolan's owned for at least twenty years now, Killian's mind wandering over too many memories he had in that place, most of them with her, not calling her by her name was something he had imposed on himself a while ago; the very thought of her name was killing him and bringing him back to an era when they were happy, an era that Emma had put an end to violently. The Cottage was a lovely house that David had built on his own, Mary Margaret working in their garden and making it look like an enchanted world. Swan and he had spent a lot of afternoons in there, and since the house facing the sea it was the perfect spot in the summer, and _she _was fond of the sea; it was after all, a part of their story.

Or it used to be. Now she was getting married near the sea.

Just not to him.

Victor was right, he wasn't fine. But Graham was his friend and when he had asked him to be his best man, he couldn't say no.

And according to the future groom, his fiancé was thrilled at the idea of Killian standing next to him as she walks down the aisle.

How nice of her.

"Victor!" Ruby ran over to them as soon as they parked the car, jumping in her boyfriend's arms, whispering to him how much she had missed him.

Oh sweet.

How disgustingly sweet.

"And here I thought you had missed me, Red", Killian shook his head, resting a hand on his chest. "I'm wounded, I was expecting a better welcome."

Ruby rolled her eyes at him and the nickname he had chosen for her years ago, admitting defeat; she tilted her head, and jumped at his neck. "I missed you too, Killy."

"I hate you", he whispered as a threat in her ear, hugging her back.

"You love me and you know it smartass."

"I know you love it", Killian snapped back, tickling her side teasingly.

"Hey, boyfriend right over here, mate", Victor warned, poking him in the shoulder.

"Killian!" A voice called behind them and he turned to see Grace, daughter of Emma's brother running toward them and jumping at him, Killian kneeling down just in time to catch her.

"Here's the prettiest of them all."

"I missed you, Killy," Grace said, cupping his face between her palms, shooting him her best smile, her cheeks all peachy, and Killian looked over his shoulder and frowned at Ruby who feigned innocence, wrapping her arms around her boyfriend. Grace was certainly the only one allowed to call him that.

"I have so many things to show you, uncle Killy!" Grace laughed, Killian not finding the courage to tell her that she couldn't call him that, not anymore; Emma's brother Jefferson wasn't his future brother in law anymore. Killian knew that for Grace, he would always be her Uncle Killian.

"You are late!" Gracie called him out, frowning her brows together, her lips forming a thin line.

"I'm sorry princess," Killian kissed her cheeks, the girl pushing him away, his scruff tickling her.

"You can't be late at your wedding."

"Aye there darling, it's Swan's wedding not mine", he corrected, trying to laugh.

"But you and Emma love each other."

Killian's smile disappeared as he shifted his hold on the little girl, trying to find the right words, the ones you could say to a six years old girl who still believed in fairytales, but before Killian could figure them out, _her_ melodic voice made him jump and turn around, and he found Emma standing there, wearing a light white summer dress, his attention instantly drawn to her legs, something he had used to -still did- love about her.

"Where were you darling, your father is looking for you!" Swan put her hand on her hip, smiling at Grace, Killian letting go of the little girl. "Hello, Killian", Emma said carefully, her eyes meeting his after a moment, her hand going behind her back to grip her elbow, as if she was afraid she would reach for him otherwise.

As if she wasn't the one who kept running away from him.

"I'm glad you came."

"Wouldn't miss it for the world", Killian narrowed his eyes. "Where's your fiancé?" He looked away from her, as if he had just seen the sun from too close and got burned. His wounds weren't healed; he had been foolish to think he could handle seeing her.

"He's over there, with my family", Emma swallowed hard and if Killian didn't know her better, he would say she was breathless, which she couldn't be, not now, not anymore. Turning on her heel, Emma gave him a sad smile, Grace going to her and taking her hand in hers.

"Swan", Killian called her, putting his hands in his pockets. "You look beautiful", he breathed, walking toward the car and leaving her speechless.

For once, he was the one walking away from her.

* * *

She was even more beautiful than in his memories, too beautiful for his sake; her hair was longer than he remembered but her eyes seemed not as bright, or maybe it was just him seeing in them what he was desperate to see.

It still hurt.

It hurt.

Seeing her around Mrs. Nolan's garden, full of roses and of joy, Emma -the thought of her name hurt- was certainly the most beautiful of them all.

Seeing her moving on with another guy.

Happy when he was still looking for the pieces of his heart, lost somewhere in her hand.

Mary Margaret was quite nice to him since he had arrived, almost welcoming him as if he were still Emma's lover; she looked at him with such caring eyes that Killian almost let himself wonder if this was how it felt like to have a mother.

A family.

She was his family and she had left him.

"You are pathetic", Victor made him jump on his seat, almost dropping his rum on the floor.  
Killian rolled his eyes at his best friend, watching him sit next to him. "Can't you stop just for a second?"

"What?"

"You haven't stopped looking at her since we got here", his friend gestured to the center of the room where Graham and her were talking and laughing, her arms wrapped around him, the vision calling for one in his memory, of them, in another life time, when they used to be in love.

When she loved him back.

"For someone who keeps saying he's over her, you're quite hooked."

"Don't be silly, Ariel is coming later", Killian replied, somehow tearing his stare away from her, wishing he could be deaf to her laughter and her happiness because it was reminding him of everything he couldn't experiment again.

In two days he would watch her walk down the aisle.

And it wouldn't be to him.

He saw her from afar, smiling and laughing with Graham, Grace sitting on her lap and visibly not amused by the joke her new uncle was telling her; the little girl frowned her brows together as Emma tried to poke her in the ribs to make her laugh.

Her smile.

He had missed it.

"You need to stop, buddy", a voice called from the side and Killian shifted in his seat, gripping the bottle of rum he had stolen from the bar tighter.

"Jeff. It's been a while." Killian got up to hug his old friend, who also happened to be one of his best friends.

"How are you?" Jefferson asked, poking him in the arm, raising a brow and looking between him and the future bride.

"Same old my friend, same old." Killian said with a dark tone, taking a sip of his drink. "Don't worry, I'm fine."

"You know you have to make a speech?"

"Aye, I do, it's going to be funny", Killian chuckled, shaking his head with disbelief; if someone had told him he would have to make a speech at the wedding of the love of his life, he would have pictured it to be at their wedding.

Killian stared at her, appreciating the lovely color of her cheeks due to the wine and the hot weather.

"Don't mess it up", Jefferson warned, trying to take away his bottle of rum, but Killian jerked away from him.

"Have some faith in me. I'm not going to ruin the party; I'm the groom's best man, remember?" His tongue licked his lips in an attempt to hide from the rest of the room how everything hurt at that moment; not even the burn of the alcohol could make him forget how it had hurt to lose her, how it hurt not to be with her.

How living without her hurt.

Killian remembered all too well the day Graham had called him and asked him to be his best man; they were really good friends since high school, they had shared the same group of friends.

They had even shared the same girls.

That day Killian had woken up in a cold bed, Emma's perfume still too present for him not to be hurt, the warmth of her body pressed against his still haunting him.

It still did.

Graham had called, happier than ever, excited and all, almost begging him to be his best man, and it had taken Killian a few minutes to realize what he was asking him, what he was implying.

His Swan was not his swan anymore.

A memo or a note on the fridge would have been nicer; _Hello, we fucked last night, it was perfect I love you but see you at my wedding. :-)_

A goodbye would have been decent.

But no, she had just left him.

"Don't screw up, that's all I ask, if not for him, do it for her", Jefferson tilted his head to the side, trying to figure out what he could be thinking, the same look that Victor had on his face earlier.

Pity.

Do it for her Killian, it's not like she screwed you up big time. It's not like she broke your heart, or left you behind high and dry, so do it for her, smile and tell her how pretty she is in her stupid dress and how she's lucky to have Humbert.

Killian took another sip from his bottle before standing up and hitting his spoon against his glass, not missing the dirty look his could've been father in law shot him; David Nolan had just tolerated him when he was with Swan and now that he was out of the picture, her father wasn't even hiding his dislike for him. For sure, David was happier to have Graham as a future son in law because he was way better than a bastard like him.

"I'm sorry to interrupt a nice party but I'm the best man, and that idiot over there asked me to do a speech, so what can I say?" Killian shrugged and opened his arms dramatically. "Well, when Graham asked me to be his best man, it was a real shock". His eyes fell on Emma, who, not able to hold his gaze, was looking away from him, a small smile on her lips.

Of course.

Running away was way easier.

"A real shock because I couldn't believe that our poor sweet Graham would have the guts to ask Swan to marry him", the audience laughed, and Killian ignored Victor's stare that was telling him silently to keep it cool. "But here they are, our lovebirds, ready to jump into that big adventure that is called marriage." Killian lifted his bottle at Graham. "Good luck, buddy; you chose a stubborn one, trust me", Emma's family laughed and Victor poked him in the leg under the table. Killian narrowed his eyes at Swan and his expression softened, all humor gone. "But you also chose the most beautiful of them all; make her happy, she deserves it." Graham smiled, wrapping his arms around Emma's shoulders, kissing her cheek as a blade was thrown into Killian's heart.

She looked happy.

And finally she was looking at him, her eyes, her so beautiful green eyes locking with his, a shy smile on her lips, telling him thank you.

Save it, Swan, he wanted to tell her. _You should have said something a long time ago._

All the thank yous in the world wouldn't change the fact that he should have been the guy sitting next to her this day.

He should be the one holding her like that. She should be wearing his ring, the one still waiting in his drawer, the one he had bought for her when they had started to see each other again.

The one he had wanted to give to her, to prove to her he would never let her go, he would never leave her.

He had loved her.

And he still did love her.

Ruby's hand closed around his wrist, pulling him back down and Victor patted his back.

"You did a great job buddy."

What a fucking great job, Killian swore to himself.

* * *

"I'm sorry."

Killian turned around and took his cigarette from his mouth, finding Ruby walking toward him in her micro shorts; it wasn't a surprise that Victor was all over her because those legs were something, but they weren't the prettiest he had seen.

Ruby remained silent as she sat next to him on that little wall in the garden. The whole party was starting to make him sick, the joy and the happiness were too sweet for his taste. Graham was showering his fiancé's face with kisses which was something, if Killian recalled correctly, Emma wasn't fond of; it had taken her a while to allow him to hold her hand in public because she wasn't the touchy kind.

But hey, it seemed like he was wrong about her since the beginning and he started to smoke again; a bad habit he had given up for her.

"About what?" Killian arched a brow. "It's a nice party."

But Ruby didn't seem to buy his lies; too bad she was as good as Swan in reading him. How lucky he was tonight. "She wasn't okay with it", Ruby said, taking him by surprise.

"What are you talking about?"

"The best man thing," Ruby replied, looking at the sea, rubbing her arms to keep herself warm. "She wanted him to pick Victor or even Jeff, but Graham insisted."

"I'm not surprised", Killian said, shaking his head and laughing at his luck. He remembered how Graham used to admire him in college when Killian was the man that every woman fell for. Graham was the friend, he never was the one to get the girl. Emma and Graham had been friends for a while, she even used to talk about Killian and her to him; he was her confidant, her best friend, sort of, somebody she could talk to about Killian. Graham had been the one to know about their problems and their break up.

And he had been the one to comfort her, the shoulder she had cried upon.

Of course.

And Killian was more than aware than he had a crush on Emma too when Killian had met her.

"Well, I just wanted to say that Emma isn't okay with it", Ruby patted his arm, offering him a comforting smile.

"Doesn't change much, does it?" Killian flashed her a grin. "At the end of the day, she's marrying him."

"You still have feelings for her." It wasn't a question it was a statement, so Killian remained silent, smoking in silence, his eyes focused on the garden that Mr. and Mrs. Nolan took good care of and not really seeing it.

"He still doesn't like me, Swan's father", he added and Ruby frowned. "I'm sure he's happier that his daughter is marrying a good guy like Graham."

"You're not a bad guy Killian."

"That's not what Swan seems to think", Killian shook his head, remembering too well her words when she had left him, telling him that he wasn't a good guy, telling him that they couldn't work.

Those words still haunted him at night.

"I can't speak for her but I think Emma still cares for you", Ruby confessed before adding, "I think she cares about you a lot more than she thinks."

"As you said darling, you can't speak for her."

Ruby cocked her head and shrugged. "I can't, but I'm her best friend and I know her."

Killian closed his eyes, wishing that Ruby would be gone when he opened them again; he didn't need to know that, he didn't need to know that Swan might have feelings for him.

It hurt more.

But as he closed his eyes, Killian could also see her, knocking at his door and telling him she thought she had made a mistake, and he could still feel her lips on his when she told him she had missed him, when she whispered his name as he made love to her that night, when she told him she couldn't live with him. It was too hard.

Lies.

She had given him so much hope.

He had prepared a date, so he could ask her to be his forever.

And she had left, taking his heart in the process without even saying goodbye.

"Why are you calling her Swan? Can't you call her Emma, like everyone else?"

Killian's shoulders shook as he laughed, taking a long drag of his smoke. "Maybe I should call her Humbert now."

"Killian…" Ruby sighted, getting up from the wall to face him.

"Isn't it her new name after all?" Killian said, not paying attention to her. "Suits her quite well, don't you think?"

"She would have been quite a Jones too", Ruby said, realizing too late what she had just said, and Killian tryed to hide how much her words hurt him.

God knew how many times he had dreamed of it.

How he still dreamed of it.

Emma Jones. It had a nice ring on it.

He loved the sound of her having his name.

Emma Humbert sounded like a slap.

And yet it was about to happen.

"Guess it's not in the cards", Killian said calmly, smiling at his lost dreams, at the ring she would never had, the one that belonged only to her.

He couldn't marry someone else. The thought of it made him sick; it was a sad and unfortunate fate that he wouldn't ever find someone new.

She would always be the one.

Even after she had shattered his heart to pieces, Swan still possessed it, and still, if tonight she asked him to run away with her, no matter how much she had hurt him, Killian wouldn't hesitate.

She was the love of his life.

"Maybe there's still hope", Ruby interrupted his musings, smiling at him hesitantly, brushing the hair falling in his eyes away.

"Swan has a ring on her finger saying otherwise, Ruby. I don't think there's hope."

"Stop calling her that, like she means nothing to you!" The brunette called him out, pushing him in the arm, her features tensed as anger started to fill her blood. "Stop acting like nothing can touch you!"

"What do you want me to say Ruby?" Killian threw his cigarette away. "Emma? That's what you want? For me to call her Emma? To tell you that I'm still in love with her and I probably always will be?" He leaned closer causing Ruby to step back. "Is that what you want? For me to tell you that all this fuckery is killing me? It is! That she should be with me, that she should be wearing my ring and not his? That this should be our wedding?" Ruby cocked her head to the side, hunting for something to say, probably feeling really bad for saying that to him but Killian couldn't care less. "Happy, Ruby? Is that what you wanted? Now go back to your best friend Swan," he said, and her name was like venom on his tongue. "And tell her how she fucked me up, how I'd still run away with her if she asked me to, tell her, go ahead, tell her how I had planned to ask her to marry me when I learned that she was going to marry Humbert."

"Killian, I'm sor-"

"Oh for fuck's sake, save it, I know what you all thought and still think of me, you and her family! You though that Swan was just a distraction, Jesus, I even think that's what she thinks, but newsflash Ruby, even a bastard like me can be in love, even I can have my heart broken", Killian yelled, pointing an angry finger at her before turning around, freezing when he saw Emma standing right in front of him, her lips parted but no sound coming out, her cheeks reddened, maybe from the wine but probably from Graham's kisses. He didn't fucking care either way. Rubbing his hands on his jeans, he left them both and walked toward the back of the house, seeking peace, ignoring the completely sad look Emma wore.

For once he wouldn't be the only one to feel bad.

Killian had chosen that special spot next to the sea, not far away from the Nolans' house, his eyes looking over the sea, the only thing -beside her arms- able to relax him, the only thing he had thought about and needed. The only thing left in his life.

He remembered all too clearly for his own sake, how right Swan had felt in his arms, how hope had filled his veins when she had told him she loved him, when she had come back to him; everything about that night felt like magic. Killian had thought that they were finally back together, and he could still remember how tightly she had held him as he made love to her, how right their kisses and embraces were, how beautiful she was when she was taking flight because of him. Killian could remember it all. The hope, the passion, the love.

So why didn't they work?

He sighed, his hand drawing patterns in the sand, wanting to light another cigarette but not finding the will to reach for it. Killian was tired, he had never been good at faking anything and it was the worst when it came to her; not once he had hidden his feelings for her. Killian laughed at the memory of how they had met; she was walking alone along the beach, much like him right now, and she was staring at the sea, intrigued and hypnotized by it. Killian had joined her and they talked like they weren't two strangers but two friends.

Swan had told him that she was afraid of the sea, of the immensity of it and how powerful it was compared to her. "You are a tough lass", he had told her, shooting her the first bright smile he had given to anyone in a long time. Killian had offered her his hand and at first she had looked at him with wide eyes, like couldn't believe him, but then she had smiled and took his hand.

"Let's go face the sea", he had told her, gripping her hand tightly in his, making them walk in direction of the sea. "Don't worry", he had reassured her when he felt her tense, looking back over his shoulder, "You've got me to protect you."

"Why should I trust you?" Emma had arched a brow, stopping them and making him laugh.

"Have you ever been in love?" Killian had asked, taking her by surprise, making her breathless for a moment.

"Maybe, once… Why?" She had asked suspiciously and Killian had leaned closer to her, his free hand going under her chin to lift it up so their eyes met.

"Because it's like falling in love, it's overwhelming."

"Really?"

"There's only one way to find out", Killian had grinned, a warm sensation spreading through his body as he ran toward the sea, holding Emma's hand in his, their fingers interlaced, smiling back at her when his feet touched the water. "Come on", he had told her when she had stopped, afraid to step in, "You've got me to protect you."

"Killian?" A voice called behind him; people needed to stop doing this, and for God's sake, couldn't they leave him alone? Looking over his shoulder, he watched Swan walking toward him, holding her shoes in her hand, pulling back her hair behind her ear as she stepped closer. Killian focused his attention on the sea, a sight better than her or the ring on her finger claiming her to someone else.

"What do you want, Swan?" He groaned as she sat next to him, their shoulders almost touching; she shouldn't be there, she should be inside with everyone else partying and celebrating with her future husband, she shouldn't be there with him, not when it meant she was close and he couldn't hold her or reach for her hand, not when she had broken his heart.

"Can we talk?" She asked him with a voice so shy Killian barely recognized her; it wasn't like her. Usually Swan went straight to the point and she didn't bother with circling around anything, but maybe he didn't know her as well as he thought. After all, when Killian had dreamed and hoped for a happy ending, Emma had taken flight with someone else and left him behind, high and dry.

"I can't refuse that to the future bride, now can I? Isn't that a future bride's privilege?" Killian joked, avoiding her stare but still able to feel it on his skin, and it was burning him.

"Can you not?" She reached for his hand and Killian jerked away from her but finally met her gaze.

"Isn't that what you are now? A future bride? A fiancé? The future Mrs. Humbert?" Killian said with what he hoped it would be a sarcastic tone, but it ended up being a tired tone, the sadness in his voice betraying his hurt.

Swan… Emma looked hurt at his words, and for a brief moment Killian almost enjoyed the pain painted on her face, because it meant he wasn't the only one to suffer, but that woman was the one he loved, even after what she had done to him, and Killian couldn't bare it, so he look away from her again, he looked at the sea, trying to prevent the memories from coming back; he didn't need them, not when there was no future. "Are you happy?" He asked her, crossing his hands on his knees so he wouldn't be tempted to reach for hers like he had done so many times.

"Are you?" She returned the question and Killian closed his eyes and imagined her smile in his head, not needing to look at her to picture it; he knew it by heart.

"I thought it was your wedding", he opened his eyes and stared at her, studying how she went from relaxed to tensed within a second, how her smile disappeared at the mention of her impending nuptials.

"You know what I mean."

"Honestly?" Killian shrugged, "I don't think I know you Emma Swan, soon to be Humbert."

It seemed like minutes and hours before Emma started talking again, blinking a few times as she tried to find her words, laughing at something Killian couldn't really understand. "I think you know me better than anyone else, and that's the problem", she chuckled darkly, her gaze locking with his with such intensity that Killian had to fight really hard not to kiss her and kiss away the promise she had made to another man, not to tell her to cancel the wedding.

"And yet I lost you", Killian whispered more to himself than to her; he wasn't trying to hurt her or to blame her, it was just his simple reality. As cruel as it was, he had in fact lost her to someone else. Once again, Killian had left her speechless, something she didn't used to be, not when they were together, but again, he probably didn't know her, despite what she said. "Humbert looks excited and happy."

"He is", she said as if she were walking on eggshells and trying not to crack them. "Listen, Killian about earlier..."

"Save it, darling", he cut her off, shaking his head in disbelief. "It doesn't matter now, does it? It's a pretty ring you have", he gestured at her hand where her engagement ring was, not able to stop himself from comparing it with the one he had kept for her. "At least Humbert has good taste." Killian let himself admire her, how beautiful she was with the wind caressing her hair, how the moonlight on her cheeks made her looked like a Goddess. "Well, he surely has."

"He shouldn't have asked you to be his best man", Emma said suddenly, making him sigh.

"Probably", he said, his eyes wandering over the sea, the same sea he had made her jump into years ago; he had promised her that he would look after her, but now it wasn't his job anymore. "But yet here I am, at your freaking wedding with Humbert. I think it was a fair fight; I had sworn to him that he couldn't have you", Killian chuckled because the irony of the situation was killing him; they had dated for almost five years, he had believed all along that they would stay together, and have a wedding much like this one, not far away from the sea, then a few kids, but no matter the place or the situation, he had always thought he'd be with her.

It was always her walking down the aisle, it was at him she was smiling. It was for him she would wear a beautiful white dress, and nothing too fluffy; Emma would have chosen something simple, even with her mother begging her to wear a big princess dress.

"I'm sorry."

"Yeah, you can be sorry."

"Don't be like that", Emma shifted and extended her legs in front of her, and Jesus, why did she have to wear a dress, as if just her presence wasn't enough to drive him crazy; she was still not moving away from him, which was a first.

"Like what? A bastard? Isn't that the reason why you left me that day?" He didn't care if he was harsh or rude with her; she had almost asked for it when she had given him high hopes and she couldn't expect him to be nice after her fucking fiancé had asked him cockily to be his best man and to watch the love of his life marry someone else.

"It's not like that", Emma bit back, straightening up but not meeting his eyes.

"Right. You didn't fuck me, quite literally, if I remember correctly, and didn't leave me high and dry, when I had thought we were back together", Killian said bitterly, flashing her an angry stare. "Do you know how it feels to have you for one night, to hope, to dream, to love again and then to find out that you're bloody engaged to Humbert? And hearing about it from him?"

"I..."

"Oh for once in your life Swan, shut up, just stop talking", Killian's voice was rougher than earlier, meaner. "You just like to have me at your mercy and just like everyone else you think I'm a bastard, you..." He shook his head, tired of having to justify himself in front of the world. "Why did you leave?" Killian finally asked the question that had tormented him for days and weeks since Graham had asked him to be his best man. "You said you loved me", his eyes lifted to meet hers, and for once he didn't have to seek her green eyes.

He found her looking right at him, as if she was trying to look into his soul.

It was about bloody time.

"I… I was scared", Emma confessed, looking back at the sea, and Killian started to think that she was once again running away from the real subject; of course she was scared of the sea, as always, but this time Killian couldn't give her his hand, nor his heart because he had already offered them to her and she had crushed them both, taking his breath away, and not in a romantic way.

She had Graham now, and if she was scared of the sea, it was him she should ask for help.

"Not the sea, I mean yeah, I'm still scared of it, of its immensity. Much like you", she said sadly, smiling as best as she could at him, and Killian's eyes narrowed at her words because he didn't quite understand what she was saying.

"You are the sea, you're my sea, you… you scare me."

"You left me because you're scared of me?"

"Is that such a surprise?" Emma arched a brow, crossing her arms over her knees. "I thought it was obvious."

"Sorry sweetheart if I don't follow you… well obviously I don't, but I won't ever hurt you."

"I know!" Emma said quickly, unconsciously reaching for his arm, their skin burning with the simple contact, their eyes locking together. "I know." She repeated more calmly, swallowing hard. "I know you wouldn't, not intentionally."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Loving you has never been the problem", Emma bit her lip and looked down at her legs, the wind playing in her hair and making her cheeks go red, the confession falling from her tongue and crushing his heart, which was a surprise for him because he thought it was already shattered.

"I didn't lie to you that night. I did love you, still do."

Killian's heart stopped and he turned his head in her direction, reaching for her palm, electricity shooting between them, the spark still there. "Emma..."

"Don't", she smiled, begging him not to speak as she got up, trying to put more distance between them. "Loving you has never been the problem."

"Why then?" Killian got up too, his hand reaching for her cheek before he could stop himself, and Emma didn't pull away, just turned her head. "If you love me Emma, please don't do this", he leaned closer, their chests almost touching, his thumb stroking her cheek and making her breathe heavily. "I don't care how awful those months were without you as long as you don't marry him.'

At that point, Killian didn't care if he was begging her to stay or if he was pathetic; Emma had a ring on her finger and her lips were trembling as she was telling him she loved him, just like that night when she had come over, kissing him and saying that she missed him.

He missed her too. Oh God he did.

A few tears started to form at the corner of her eyes and Killian felt her breaking in his arms, fragile and afraid, her teeth worrying her bottom lip. "I can't."

"How can you marry him Emma?" Killian said, his voice louder than a second ago. "Why would you lose yourself with him if you love me?"

Emma sighed, her hand raising up to hold his, her thumb caressing the back of his hand, and she even leaned closer to kiss his palm. "My heart may choose you, but I'm doing the right thing for both of us."

"Emma, look at me", he cupped her face with both his hands, ignoring the cold metal of her ring on his wrist; she was slipping away from his arms slowly, he could feel her running away again, but this time Killian wasn't asleep and letting her go wasn't an option. "If you love me, stay, because you're not doing the right thing by marrying him… if you love me stay with me." Killian stepped closer forcing her to lift her chin so she could look at him. "I love you", he said, his lips only a breath away from hers. "That's the only right thing, you and me, we're right", Killian whispered on her lips and Emma blinked and gripped his hand tighter, parting her lips and closing her eyes as if she were giving him permission to come closer.

"Please don't", Emma said just when Killian closed his eyes. "I turned my back on you once, so don't make me do it twice. Please. Sometimes we can't stay even if we love each other "

Killian's hands fell at his side and he looked away from her.

"Why, Emma? Why are you doing this? This entire wedding thing is insane. You can-"

"Hey baby!" Someone jumped behind him and covered his eyes with her hands, kissing his cheek, cold arms wrapping around his shoulders. "Miss me?"

Oh shit.

Ariel.

* * *

_**I know you all hate me :)**_

_**Review?**_


	2. Two

Bloody fuck.

Of course Ariel couldn't have waited for him to be done with Emma.

No, the redheaded had to jump on him when he had just managed to get Emma to talk, to do some explaining.

He had been only two inches away from kissing her.

Bloody hell.

Now he was sitting on one of the benches in the garden, watching David Nolan take care of every guest, making sure they had everything they needed; drinks, food and blankets as they all watched the sky that was shining with stars tonight. His wife Mary Margaret kept shooting Killian worried looks, offering him a comforting smile as if she was sad for him. She had always been nice to him, calming her husband and trying to make Killian comfortable in their family.

Like he was already a member of their family.

Killian remembered how before Christmas, Mary Margaret had taken time to find him a present, which wasn't something he was used to, not before he had met Emma; being an orphan did that to you. He had never experienced it, the whole celebration thing you did when you had family, the joy and the laughs.

And he still remembered Emma's peachy cheeks as she kissed him under the mistletoe.

Her cheeks were still rosy, just like they were that Christmas, only this time it was Graham's arms she was holding onto and his lips she was kissing. They were talking to Victor and Ruby, who was ogling her engagement ring, her eyes shining with dreams and hope, Victor posture betraying his urge to run away, making Graham poke him in the arm. Killian looked away from the scene, disgusted and hating himself for being so jealous of something that should have been theirs, of a ring Emma shouldn't wear because another one was waiting for her.

"Killian?" Ariel called him, shaking his arm, her nails digging into his skin, "Come back to me. Do you want something to eat? Or to drink?"

She moved around him so she could sit on his lap, and Killian secured her in his arms; Ariel was a nice girl who had been all over him for months, after Killian met her at a bar he worked in. The fact that he was a bartender didn't sit well with Mr. Nolan; _of fucking course, _but he couldn't help the fact that he never had the money to go to college. Ariel was a regular guest at the bar and she had flirted with him shamelessly, and Killian always told her to back off, sometimes not even gently.

He had never told her about Emma.

But still, when he had asked her to go to the wedding with him, she had jumped on the occasion. It had been a bad move of his because she didn't deserve what he was doing; all his thoughts were for Emma, but Ariel's hands were on his shirt, pulling him dangerously close.

Everything within him was telling him to pull away, to get the fuck away from that wedding, Ariel's perfume giving him a headache, or was it the pain making his way through his system, all those mixed and fucked up emotions tasting bitter on his tongue as Ariel's warm lips pressed against his in a way that wasn't entirely disagreeable, and yet the warmth of her body felt wrong pressed against his, her tongue tangling with his when he pulled her closer felt strange and unfamiliar, the way her arms wrapped around his shoulders felt different.

It didn't feel unpleasant but different.

And even if his head, his heart and common sense were telling him to pull away from her because playing with Ariel was unfair, at the same time, it seemed fair to do so if it could hurt Emma, at least show her how it felt to be betrayed.

As if she could feel betrayed.

She was the one who had left him after all.

_"See?" Killian had laughed as he pulled her closer, holding her firmly in his arms, his thumb brushing over the back of her hand in a comforting and reassuring gesture, the waves soaking them wet to the bones; he couldn't care less that his jeans sticking to his skin, because all he saw was her eyes shining with fear and excitement, a spark exploding between them as Emma Swan wrapped her arms around his waist, holding onto him. _

_"It's incredible. Beautiful", she had said, looking completely dazzled._

_"That I agree", he had said, his eyes locking with hers, staring at her and loving the way her wet hair stuck to her temple; he found a silent answer in her eyes and pulled her closer, inhaling her perfume, feeling a gentle warmth spreading through his chest despite the cold water._

_He hadn't known her and neither had she known him; they had only seen each other in town maybe once or twice, never paying each other much attention._

_But she had just been afraid of the sea._

_And he had offered her his hand._

She had chosen to take someone else's hand now.

_Her grip on his wet shirt had tightened and Killian had taken that for a sign, urging him to come even closer, and the final sign had been Emma licking her lips, eyes locked on his, her nose brushing against his as she leaned in._

_The moment had felt infinite, as if they had both frozen time for a few seconds, as if that moment was something magical, like a fire burning and growing, something he couldn't have quite explained but that had seemed so simple and so easy, as beautiful as those green eyes._

_So he had kissed her._

_They hadn't known each other for long, but neither Killian nor Emma cared; she had given him his kiss back, draping her arms around his shoulders and kissing him hard._

_For a moment, Killian had thought he had fixed her fears of the sea._

_It had been like dropping in the middle of a storm, although the sea had been calm and peaceful that day, but within him there was a maelstrom of mixed feelings; nothing had ever felt like that, her lips moving in synch with his, his fingers tangling in her wet hair, and Killian had known at that moment that there was no coming back from Emma Swan._

_He could feel her trembling; she was shorter than him, scared of the sea, but holding her in his arms made him realize how strong she was, how she could pull him down closer, her tongue tangling and dancing with his._

_He had known right away that he would fall in love with her, fast and hard._

This wasn't how he had pictured things going when he imagined the future.

His hand went over Ariel's shoulder, pushing her away from him gently, giving her an apologetic smile when she groaned at the loss of contacts; Killian stroked her cheek, her hair not as soft as Emma's but still really pretty when he brushed against it, and she slowly got up from his lap, Killian pulling her down once more to kiss her cheek, as if it would make up for his mistake.

"I will find us something to drink."

He shouldn't have kissed her.

His eyes went to Emma who kept her back turned on him; he could see her tension by the way she was holding herself.

_Good move, Jones, you would be too lucky if she hadn't see you._

Who was he kidding; Emma might love him, but she had made it really clear she wasn't going to change her mind.

Why would she care about who he kissed tonight?

She was the one with an engagement ring on her finger.

His thoughts drifted as Victor come to him with a drink, lips pressed into a thin line as he handed him the glass.

"You need it", he said without more explanation, and Killian hadn't bothered to ask him if he had seen the whole scene, his eyes locked on Emma's back as she talked to Granny. "You're fucked up."

"Oh! Was the talk included with the drink?" Killian rose his glass in front of him, looking for something that wasn't there. "Nope, nothing there, so why the shitty talk?"

"Shitty behavior, shitty talk."

"You forgot shitty friend", Killian pointed out, taking a sip of his drink and savoring the burning sensation of the alcohol as he avoided Victor's judging stare.

"Bringing Ariel here was a bad idea and you know it", Victor stood at his side, watching the party before giving him a look, Killian only looking at him from the corner of his eyes.

"If you can bring your girlfriend, why can't I do the same freaking thing?"

"She's not your girlfriend", Victor said seriously, making him sigh heavily.

"I'm pretty sure I was kissing her a minute ago."

"I don't think you can qualify her as such if your goal is to make the future bride jealous."

"I so can, because one, I asked her to come with me at the wedding, and two, I'm pretty sure that the fact Swan is about to be married means I can't make her jealous", Killian chuckled in his drink, the whole situation ridiculous to his eyes.

"God you're dumb", Victor shook his head at him, rolling his eyes.

"Shut up, I'm pretty sure you were trying to make Ruby jealous by flirting with Granny earlier."

"Oh boy, believe me, no one can approach that woman; she would throttle me if she could."

Killian laughed at him, believing him completely because he still remembered that time Granny had threatened him to take away his "jewels" if he didn't take care of Emma.

That was exactly the moment Granny chose to lift her head, narrowing her eyes at him, making him choke on his drink, Victor finding the whole situation really funny and poking him in the arm for emphasis.

"See, she's not a piece of cake."

"And yet she makes the fairest cake you've ever tasted", Killian said in a dreamy voice, an old memory of Emma's birthday coming back to him; he tried pushing it as far as possible, but he remembered all too well that day, and particularly the night following it. He turned his attention back to his friend because it hurt too much thinking about _that_.

"I'm not sure if this is an innuendo or not."

"Look at who's dumb now."

"Ruby talks to me, you know", Victor said out of nowhere, Killian arching a brow at him.

"I'm glad to hear you and your girlfriend are in a happy and adult relationship but please, I'm not interested in your post sex talks.

"Pervert."

"I don't see your point", Killian retorted with a smug grin. "And not interested to."

"She talks a lot, you know that, God, she can't stop", Victor laughed with a disgustingly sweet smile.

So fucking in love.

Who would have thought that the guy who used to say bros over girls, would have ended up head over heels for Ruby? Funny fact, they used to not get along so well because Victor was an arrogant ass and Ruby couldn't stand it, and Swan used to laugh about it a lot, until one day, at everyone's biggest surprise, they had started dating.

They were in love, they had explained.

He couldn't handle it now, not when he remembered being just like him a while ago.

Full of hope, smiling like an idiot at the memories and the bright future.

Killian only had the first ones left.

"Still not seeing the point."

"She told me about your talk," Victor shifted so he was standing in front of him, preventing him from staring at her, or her back, or whatever. "You're still in love with her."

He said that with pity and a sad expression Killian hated so much.

"Oh buddy, you're reading me like an open book, I'm moved deeply", he mocked, resting a hand on his chest. "As if it was a big secret, even Granny knows." He pointed at the woman who was still watching them, offering her a big smile.

"Graham doesn't", his best friend snapped back, seriousness written all over his face as Killian clenched his jaw.

"Humbert is a fool."

"He's marrying her."

Killian's eyes widened, "Is he? Oh shit, here I thought it was my wedding with Swan, my bad, or better yet, your wedding with Ruby or Granny. Really, buddy, you have to pick one, you can't go to one and than the other. If you want my opinion, as tasty as Granny's cakes are, Ruby's legs and smile are winning the competition."

Victor rested his hand on Killian's shoulder, ignoring his sarcasm, "If it's too much, you can still turn around and go home", he said, no mockery in his words, nor judgment.

_It was in June, the 28th, on his birthday, that Emma had organized a huge party even if he had told her again and again that he didn't want one; stubborn lass as she was, Emma had insisted on celebrating that amazing day. She had wrapped her arms around his neck, a challenging smile curling on her lips before she kissed him briefly, and Killian had admitted defeat; there was nothing he could deny her. At his surprise, a lot of people had answered her invitation, even her family had decided to join them, even David; obviously her old man couldn't refuse her anything either, not even celebrating her boyfriend's birthday when Killian knew he couldn't stand him. Victor and Ruby, who had just started to date, obviously came too, arriving first at the apartment Emma and Killian shared for almost one year now. Killian had blushed, and tried to hide it immediately, not needing Victor or Jefferson to poke fun of him for that; he had only a few memories of happy birthdays, because most of them were spent alone. He looked across the room and saw Emma who was giving him the brightest smile he had ever seen, her lips forming an i love you, and it meant the world to him._

_He blew off his candles, making the wish to never lose her because Killian Jones, the well known orphan, had found home in her arms, with the girl afraid of the sea. When it was finally over, after a long night of eating like ogres, even Emma making the effort to bake something which was a real surprise considering her horrible cooking skills, Killian and Emma had thanked all the guests for coming, and he had even managed to get a gentle slap on the shoulder from David. Emma had giggled her adorable laugh, winking at him, happy to see her men finally learning to at least tolerating each other. When all the guests had left the house, Killian had walked toward her with an intense gaze matching hers, as he pressed her against the door, grinning as he closed his eyes, breathing her deeply, savoring the moment and wishing he could just freeze it and keep it forever. Her hands draped around his neck, her nose brushed against his as his lips ghosted over hers, his hands wandering over the curves of her body, lifting her up against the door, her legs instinctively wrapping around his waist, her hands finding their way in his hair as she smiled._

_"Happy birthday", she breathed against his lips, brushing the hair falling in his eyes away from his face, Killian closing her eyes under her touch, inhaling her and tightening his embrace. _

_"I love you", he said, his words sounding like a prayer, like a thank you for being there, for giving him home._

_Home._

Fear number one of an orphan, loosing home, loosing that one place where he felt safe.

Killian had lost it all, his love, his home, and looking at her, wrapped in her fiancé's arms, Killian felt sick, as if he were watching a bad comedy, or living a real nightmare, Graham kissing her neck, Emma shivering at his touch, like she had done with Killian so many times.

Even that last time he had seen her.

_It was late, something like 2 a.m., but it hadn't really mattered; Killian hadn't slept well since everything had gone wrong with Emma, he kept rolling over and over in his bed, seeking the warmth that had evaporated, her perfume gone from his covers. It had been months now, months since she had decided to end it, decided to run away from him; "it's not working" she had told him, breathless, her eyes avoiding his, jerking away from him when he had tried to stop her, stop that madness and the words coming from her mouth._

_He had planned to propose to her next week, find a nice spot near the sea as the perfect place to kneel down, something simple and yet incredibly beautiful, much like her._

"_It's not working."_

"_I don't understand."_

"_You and me, it's not working. I… I can't. I can't do this anymore Killian, I'm sorry", she had cut him off, taking her purse and her suitcase, leaving him no escape or choice, completely taking him by surprise._

"_Emma, Emma, look at me", he had grabbed her wrist and made her swirl around, her hair flying in the air, sending him a wave of her fragrance, her eyes imploring him to leave her, to let her go. _

"_Please, don't make this harder than it already is", she had said, worrying her bottom lip, pulling away from him and gripping her suitcase with both hands, giving him a sad smile. "It's the best for both of us."_

"_Bullshit, you're afraid, afraid to talk", Killian had snapped back, clenching his jaw, feeling tiny bits of his heart breaking into pieces; she was flying away from him, as if he had put her in some kind of cage, so now she had to escape away from him._

_She was leaving him._

"_Goodbye, Killian."_

_She had left him high and dry, his heart hammering in his chest, his hands shaking and needing to reach for her, but only closing around her absence; gone, she was gone. She had told him she would never leave him so many times in the past five years they had together, making plans and imagining a future, even having a long talk about kids, their kids. Emma had tried to picture them, dark hair with blue eyes she had told him, blonde hair with her green eyes he had replied, kissing the tip of her nose._

_They had found an agreement on dark hair and green eyes._

_Now it was all gone._

_Two in the morning, and Killian was smoking on the balcony of their apartment, his apartment, even if Victor kept telling him he should move out and find another place free of her memory, of them, of their dreams and plans. She was everywhere he looked; he could still her see her walking down the corridor and twirling around to show him a dress, an outfit she only wore for him, since she preferred jeans to those dresses. He took away the cigarette from his lips, shook off the ash with trembling fingers, and closing his eyes, he hoped for a miracle. _

_Knock knock, he heard at the door, opening his eyes and turning around, pretty sure he had imagined the sound, or if it were real it was probably Victor checking he was still alive, or maybe a chick he had met at the bar last night and gave his number to, too drunk to realize what he had done. But someone was really knocking at his door, and Killian didn't hesitate; he ran to the door and opened it, his heart hammering in his chest when he found a very lost Emma Swan standing in the hallway. She was gasping for air as if she had run to come here, her eyes seeking his as she held her purse tightly between her hands, much like that time she had left him._

"_What are you doing here?"_

"_I..."_

"_You better come up with a good excuse", he said roughly, not wanting to make it easy for her, after all who was she to come here after all this time, after breaking up with him, leaving him with only the pieces of his heart. Who was she to come back after all this time? Was she now dating Graham, his supposed best friend, their best friend? _

"_Why are you here?" Killian repeated, leaning against the door, not inviting her in. "I'm pretty sure your boyfriend is waiting for you."_

_Boyfriend._

_Ouch._

Are you here to pick up the pieces of my heart? Wasn't breaking it enough for you? You can't even leave me alone with it, you have to make sure it's completely destroyed?_ Killian thought, the mean and rough questions not passing through his lips, because even after everything, he couldn't bring himself to hurt her._

"_I miss you."_

_Oh great._

_He was fucked._

_Her lips were trembling and tears were threatening to fall at any moment, and Killian felt his resolve break; during all those months, he had missed her, he had craved for her and Victor had stopped him so many times from calling her, from begging her to come back._

_She wouldn't have answered._

_But Emma, the one who used to be his, the one he had loved, still loved, was standing defenseless in front of him, more vulnerable than Killian had ever seen her._

_She tilted her head to the side, trying to find the words._

_All hell had broken loose._

_He didn't really know who had made the first move, not that he actually cared, but his lips were on hers, his hands wandering along her sides as hers were holding onto his hair, Killian pulling her as close as it was humanly possible, their stomachs and chests all pressed together, his tongue seeking hers while he walked them backward, kicking the door closed with his foot, before slamming Emma's back against the wall. Emma broke the kiss first, hands cupping his neck, eyes half closed, "I miss you" Killian left a whisper on her lips, his arms wrapped around her middle. _

_God he had missed her, the pain, the months of wandering alone didn't count for anything anymore, not when he was holding her, not when she was telling him she missed him too._

_She was here._

"_I missed you so much", he said reverently before kissing her with the desperation of a hungry man, his fingers tangling in her hair, Emma cocking her head to kiss him deeper, one of her legs going to the back of his, urging him to be closer, always closer, urging him to move; Killian lifted her up against the wall, causing her to moan against his lips. _

"_I love you", Emma cried when he pulled away for her. "I love you." _

_Their eyes locked, Killian's heart hammering in his chest when he heard her pronounce the words he had thought he would never hear again from her._

_She loved him._

_Maybe they would find a way._

_Killian promised himself he would._

_Cupping her backside, keeping her safe in his arms, Killian walked them to what used to be their bedroom, Emma showering him with kisses, her lips taking great care of sucking his pulse point, forcing him to stop on the way and press her against the next wall so he could thoroughly kiss her, teeth clenching against each other, tongues dancing together, not fighting anymore, but tangling in synch. Sneaking under her shirt, Killian's hands traveled up her sides, "Gods, I missed you." His tongue sneaked out to lavish her neck, breathing in her fragrance, needing to make sure she was real and not another hallucination due to the excess of alcohol; Emma shivered under his touch, and she had felt more real than anything else in the past few months. _

_They should slow down, they should talk and try to understand what happened to them, and Killian should be angry at her for leaving him for so long and coming back like nothing had ever happened, but Emma was kissing him and her lips against his ear were whispering all the words he had thought he would never hear again, igniting a fire in his chest that spread through his veins and awoke something within him that had been dead since she had left._

_Killian didn't bother to ask her why, or demand to hear the reasons for her sudden change of mind; not once when their lips broke apart had he said anything but "I love you", not once he asked her why she was back in his life after months without even a phone call._

_She was here. And tonight he would do anything to make sure she would never leave again._

_Walking them to their ex-bedroom, Killian laid her down and settled her in the middle of the bed, hovering above her as Emma framed his face between her delicate hands, her long and delicious legs caressing his, their stomachs touching and causing him to shiver._

_The sight of Emma laying beneath him, her eyes shining with anticipation, with love and adoration broke him; he would never let her leave again because he needed her so much. Her blonde curls rested around her head like a halo and Killian leaned closer to brush his nose against hers, closing his eyes as he savored the moment; her closeness and her warmth imprinting into his mattress and sheets, her perfume sticking to the pillows, just like it did before._

"_I love you so much."_

_There was desperation in his voice because he was afraid and he had spent too many nights in their cold and empty bed; it had been rather pathetic and Victor had called him out for acting like a girl after her first break-up, mocking him and asking him if he wanted an ice-cream to go with his whole teenager act he was playing._

_He hadn't been playing at all._

_They took the last piece of clothing separating them from what they were both craving for, his lips kissing every inch of her skin he could reach, needing her to tremble and say his name over and over again, needing her to call for him and long for him as much as he longed for her._

_Wrapping her arms around his neck in one of those strong embraces, Emma arched her back from the bed and cocked a brow at him, a soft smile curling on her lips when she brushed them against his own. _

"_I love you too", she confessed, her tongue sliding over his bottom lip, nipping and kissing, her long and elegant legs pushing him up and closer, nails trailing down his biceps, running over his back when Killian lowered his head to go back to her lips; it felt like years and decades, and yet it felt like it was yesterday when they had made love or lived together._

_Emma arched her back and clung to him, her legs tightening around him, her lips closing and then parting as she cried out loud with his every move, Killian silencing her with her lips when they weren't busy kissing her neck and her breasts. His hands cupped her side to shift his hips just slightly, making Emma bite her lips to stop her moans, Killian swallowing them with the tip of his tongue, groaning in her mouth as they climbed to the peak together._

_They were one._

_They moved like one, shared one heart, and now he realized why he had felt so empty since her departure. Emma's lips parted again to say a few words, mostly his name, and she brushed them against his mouth, her hand cupping the back of his head as she rested the other one on his hip, urging him to go slower. _

"_Please not yet", Emma whispered against his mouth, Killian arching a questioning brow at her words, but she didn't say anything else, just tightened her legs around him, slowing his moves._

_She wasn't ready to let it go._

_And he wasn't either._

It's never going to stop_, Killian wanted to reassure her but only managed to hold her tighter and to kiss her thoroughly, his tongue tracing the corners of her lips slowly before tangling with hers just to pull away, their eyes locking together, her intense stare mirroring his. He noticed the tears threatening to fall and brushed his lips against her cheeks, then whispered in her ear the words he couldn't hold back before making her fly._

_Rolling her with him, Killian laid on his back, his arms wrapped tightly around her middle in an attempt to keep her safe, to make her stay. He played with her hair and allowed himself to close his eyes, not afraid anymore to see her disappear, not when she had just hooked a leg around his waist._

"_I love you", he chuckled, feeling joy filling his heart, making him feel dazzled, his mind still a blur in the afterglow, Emma's cheeks so prettily colored with pink, Killian's arms running up and down her arms, pulling the covers over them. She didn't say anything, but at that moment Killian didn't worry, thinking it was because of the whole cuddling thing; her arms around his neck were everything he needed to know, especially when she rose herself up on her elbow to kiss him softly, meaningfully._

_What he hadn't known was that this was supposed to be their last kiss._

_Emma kissed his neck, then his shoulder, before settling against it and going to sleep, their eyes locking once more after Killian pressed a kiss on her forehead, a smile on his lips as he sighed contentedly and let himself drift off, his arms wrapped tightly around her._

_It wasn't over._

_Or so he had thought._

_When he woke up, Killian found a cold and empty bed, Emma's perfume still lingering in the air, too strong and persistent to let him believe it was just a dream, even before he found her jacket on the chair next to his bed._

_Stretching himself up and reaching for his underwear under his bed, Killian didn't even try to fight the smile that had decided to stay on his lips, too happy and too hopeful to think about something else; all he could see was Emma and her pretty curls on his pillow, in their bed, her smile when he kissed her, and the sound of her "I love you" when he made love to her last night._

_They were back together._

_Looking around the apartment for her, Killian came to the conclusion that Emma had gone jogging, just like old times; she had probably kissed him on the cheek, or maybe even told him she was going but being too sleepy, Killian hadn't heard anything. _

_Too bad, he would have loved kissing her goodbye._

_But there was still afterwards, or before her shower, or the in between. _

_Killian's smile widened, the future looking so bright and so hopeful, and as he walked to the kitchen, he took his time to wake himself up fully, rubbing his eyes and looking out the window at the road she would have to take to come home._

_For him, to him._

_Busying himself with breakfast, Killian toasted the bread and took juice out of the fridge, then prepared hot chocolate with the utmost care, swearing to himself when he didn't find cinnamon, something he used to hate but leaned to like with Emma, but still not buying it without her._

_She had been away for months._

_He would just go to the store and buy her some and everything would be fine._

_Right?_

_He was a real sap, but Killian didn't really care; maybe he looked pathetic, waiting for some girl, like Snow White waiting for her prince Charming. Truth was, Killian had been much like Snow White when Emma had left, like a pretty princess waiting for his love to save him with a true love's kiss._

_Clap clap._

_You are a sap._

_Jogging downstairs, Killian didn't even bother to change into more appropriate clothes, taking only money and his sun glasses, throwing his smokes in the garbage because he wouldn't need them anymore._

"_Oi?" Killian picked up the phone, finally finding the shelf with the cinnamon._

"_Jones?"_

"_Humbert?"_

"_'Been a while", Graham said enthusiastically, which was strange when you knew that there had been a distance between the two men, especially when his best friend had told him he was dating Emma. Which wasn't true anymore since Emma and Killian were back in the game._

"_How are you doing buddy?" Killian tried to steady his voice, suddenly worried; okay Emma and Killian had been together once upon time, okay they had history, but so had Emma and Graham. Graham had been their best friend until Emma and Killian had broken up, after which Graham was more than pleased to pick up the pieces._

"_Fantastic! I have a huge favor to ask you."_

"_Okaaaay. Tell me. Maybe I will grant your wishes", Killian chuckled._

"_I need you… I need you for the biggest day of my life."_

"_Did you finally lose your virginity?"_

"_Not funny Jones."_

"_Oh. Are you about to lose it, or?" Killian couldn't help himself, running his fingers through his hair before getting out of the store, ignoring the girl trying to get his attention by bending down. Sorry ladies, Killian Jones's heart is long gone, taken by a girl from Maine. _

_A beautiful, beautiful girl._

_His girl._

"_I need you to be my best man."_

"_Always has been, always will be, Humbert." _

_There was a long sigh on the phone, "Can you be serious, this is important for me."_

"_Calm your tits sweetcheeks, I'm all ears." Killian gave up, all serious._

"_I need you to be my best man because I'm getting married."_

_That was a surprise._

"_You? Married? To whom?"_

"_I can't believe it! She said "yes" just a few minutes ago! I'm the luckiest man in the world."_

_That, Killian doubted._

_He smiled as he closed the door of his apartment. "Congrats buddy, who's the lucky girl?" _

"_Don't be silly, you know who. Emma, she said yes this morning... I'm just can't believe it, I'm living a dream." _

_The cinnamon's pot fell to the ground, Killian's hands shaking and trembling, the words stuck in his throat, his mind numb and his heart stopping at the news._

_Looking over his shoulder, Killian caught sight of the window and the road Emma was supposed to come back on after her jog, and turning on his heel, Killian looked at the door she was supposed to open, to enter the room and kiss him good morning before he walked them to the bathroom, where he would show her how much he had missed her and how much he loved her, renewed his vows to her, and maybe at the end of the week, asking her to stay forever._

_Swan had flown away._

_She hadn't said goodbye._

_What about the I love yous, the forever she had promised him last night? Or was it all in his head?_

"_Killian?" Graham said and Killian rubbed his forehead with the back of his hand, pinching his nose with two fingers, his heart hammering in his chest._

"_Yeah, okay, anything", he agreed without even thinking about what he's doing before congratulating him and hanging up, his hand sweeping over the table and throwing off the mug of chocolate he had made for her._

_She hadn't said goodbye._

"Killian? Hey, buddy? Come back to earth. Thank you very much."

"What?" Killian shook his head to find a worried and yet pissed Victor giving him a look.

"Try to pay attention, or go to bed."

"The party isn't over until Jones is out right?" Arrogance, smug smile, the perfect set for the perfect bastard, "I appreciate your worries and how you want to take care of me, but I'm not the average teenage girl, I'm okay." Killian sighed when Victor arched a brow, not buying it at all. "Okay, not so fine, but I'm trying okay? I really am."

Victor's expression softened, "I know Killian, but just take care, okay? I know it's hard. Humbert is an ass for asking you to do that."

"I know, and the worst is, he doesn't even realize it."

"Doesn't change shit, he shouldn't have asked you. He should have picked me."

"Confess it; you are just jealous he didn't pick you." Killian smiled, his lips forming a thin line as he looked over his shoulder, seeing Emma and Graham, him nuzzling her neck.

Ouch.

"That I am. You guys didn't even talk anymore", Victor kept harping on.

"But I screwed his fiancé, so you have to agree that it's funnier if it's me."

"Rude."

"Funny, I fucked his fiancé, she fucked me up, so he fucked me up too. Marriage thing, I think. Or at least it's a theory I'm working on." Killian said between clenched teeth, the words like a knife in his gut.

"I'm sorry", Victor said and nudged his shoulder. "Wait, what? You what?"

Killian sat down on the little wall next to them, which prevented him from looking for Swan; maybe he did have a survival instinct, saving his heart, or what was left of it. Ariel would start to worry, but he couldn't bring himself to care; she was probably lost in the middle of a crowd she didn't know but oh well, she was a big girl, she could manage.

"The day she got engaged, she came to my place the night before, we… well, I thought we were back, and when I woke up she was gone." Killian chuckled dryly, shrugging a shoulder as Victor sat at his side in slow motion, hanging at his words, "I thought it was back on, it was definitely back on but then Humbert called me and here I am." He gestured at himself, a big hypocritical smile on his lips. "Best man of the year after being screwed over by Humbert and Miss soon to be Humbert."

"Wow." Victor looked around, taking a sip of his drink and swallowing awkwardly. "That sucks."

"It's an euphemism." Killian got up, flashing him his bravest smile. "I will manage, as I always do; I won't say I'm fine, because I'm not, but look at that", he said and spun around, "beautiful party, nice folks, pretty girls, and look at Granny, that dress should be illegal."

"Ariel seems like a nice girl."

"She is", Killian admitted, looking at the spot where she was supposed to be waiting for him.

"But?"

"But she doesn't deserve any of this."

"That she doesn't. Send her home. And what is even her age?" Victor inquired, looking over his shoulder, looking for the redhaired girl. "Let's be honest, you just brought her here to make Emma jealous."

"She's legal, don't worry." Walking away, Killian looked at Graham, with no fiance at his arm for once. "Well, even if I was trying, I'm not sure it's working. Is it?"

"I think she's hurt. As I told you earlier, if you would only pay attention, Emma talks to Ruby and Ruby talks to me."

"Told you; not interested in your cuddling talks", Killian fired back, tired of that endless talk, because it was just turning the knife in the wound.

"Just listen to me, you ass," Victor shouted, rolling his eyes and standing in front of him. "Emma is Ruby's best friend, so they talk a lot. A lot", he emphasized his words by widening his eyes in a very Whaleistic way.

"I don't ca-"

"She talks about you a lot", Victor cut him off with an arrogant smile and arched a brow. "There, I have your attention; it's nice, and it's a first. I didn't even have to threaten you. As I was saying, Ruby talks a lot, and so does Emma. She's not happy with Graham's decision to ask you to be his best man."

"Wow you should start to worry, buddy, she already told me that; if this was mine post-sex talk, I would be seriously worried."

"Shut up."

"Make me."

"She still loves you."

Killian laughed, "You will have to do better than that if you want me to shut up."

"You know?"

"Yep, Swan herself told me."

Victor looked surprised and astonished, "But why..?"

"It doesn't change anything for her. Anyway, boring talk, shitty talk as I had thought it would be, so now if you'll excuse me, Ariel is waiting for her drink."

Not leaving him time to say anything else, Killian turned his back on his best friend and everyone at the party, not even bothering to go to Ariel despite what he had just said, tired of pretending, tired of trying to act like nothing was affecting him, like it was okay for Swan and Graham to play the perfect couple, to show their happiness like that; it didn't matter if it was their wedding or the reception, he had every fucking right to be mad at her.

Fuck it.

Grabbing a beer, Killian took a long, long gulp of it before going to the sea.

* * *

Even that place hurt now.

How great.

How amazing was it?

He couldn't even enjoy the sight or the sound of the sea without thinking of her, remembering her laugh or seeing her smile, her blonde hair twirling around her as she ran to him and wrapped her legs around him, making Killian loose his balance so they both fell in the water.

This whole place was full of memories.

And if it wasn't enough, Killian was now on his way to the gazebo, the place where they had spent hours talking about everything and nothing, about plans for the future and how silly David was, unable to look at Killian but secretly starting to like him, at least according to Emma.

Would David, oh so charming David kick his ass if he threw this beer bottle across the garden? Maybe he would even ask Humbert for help, who knew?

Maybe it was a family game fucking him up, something they all kept a secret, and Humbert had just made a big entrance in the Nolans family, so it wasn't a surprise that David loved him.

Sure.

Ahhh the gazebo, such a nice place.

"You have no right to act like a bitch!" A voice yelled, and Killian lengthened his steps, recognizing his best friend's voice.

_Oh bloody hell._

"It's not your place, Victor!" Emma snapped back, Killian catching the sight of her hair as she rose her hands in the air; she looked really, really mad.

"Like hell it isn't! You're fucking with him and you know it!"

"What the bloody hell is going on?!" Killian shouted from the steps, looking between them. "I don't care!" He stopped Victor when he started to explain, "I know you're trying to help but believe me you're not helping."

"Killi-"

"Don't bother. Leave us, we have to talk."

"Do we?" Emma finally spoke, sounding tired and exasperated.

"You bloody owe me that", he bit back between his teeth, cocking his head and giving her a look that left her speechless; he was tired and done with it, he wanted that fucking reception to be over, but merciful God, the real thing would take place soon.

Oh great.

All over again with the fake smiles, fake joy, fake everything.

Victor left them without saying anything intelligible; the man was groaning to himself, something about Killian being an idiot for defending her and "fuck it, deal with it, it's your manhood, not mine."

How poetic.

Emma turned her back on him, crossing her arms in front of her chest as she went to the opposite side of the gazebo.

"What do you want?" She asked sharply.

Ouch, there was a wild swan out tonight.

"To talk; I thought it was quite clear."

"Don't be a smartass."

"Don't be a cold bitch."

Emma jumped around. "How dare you!" She yelled, anger making her tremble; she lifted her chin at him with arrogance and stepped closer. "How fucking dare you?"

There she was, all walls up, wild Swan ready to bite.

"How dare I? How dare _you?" _Killian growled, meeting her at the center of the place. "You are the one who have the gall to say you love me and yet here you are, about to marry Humbert!"

"I told you why!" Emma cried loudly, her hands shaking in anger. "I told you the reason and-"

"Oh for fuck's sake, Swan! Just stop! How is that okay? You are marrying a guy you don't even love."

"Don't you dare, Jones!" His last name sounded wrong coming from her like that, her voice vibrating with fury. "I love him and that's why I'm marrying him."

Killian exploded with laughter.

"Oh right, and I guess that's why you fucked me the day before Graham proposed, because you love him."

"I… I-", Emma blinked, shaking her head as the words escaped her, Killian finding relief in her confusion, because now he had the upper hand.

For once.

Stepping closer and lowering his voice, Killian said: "And I guess it was him you were thinking of when you screamed my name in my bed, _our bed." _

Their chests were almost touching, so close Emma's heart was echoing in his chest, in his bones, and God knew she was already printed on them.

"Why Emma?" His voice was barely audible, and he saw her gasp when his breath fanned her lips, her eyes rising to meet his. Taking advantage of the situation, Killian rested his hand on her arm. "Why did you come back?"

But had she ever came back?

"I... I just...", she started, suddenly avoiding his eyes again, starting to pull away from him, and Killian would bet she felt the same way he did, her skin burning where they touched, so he didn't let her go.

"Why did you come that night? Why did you tell me you loved me if you planned to leave me? Why telling me you missed me?" He wanted to be angry at her, he wanted to scream and to see his words cutting her the way her absence and abandonment had cut him. But at that moment Killian didn't want her to hurt; all he wanted from her, if not for her to come back to him, was to be honest.

And then, when he had expected her to back away again, to find a way to escape and fly away from him as the wild swan she was, Emma took him by surprise by giving him a broken stare, biting her lip before she speaks.

"I just missed you."

Again, Emma completely took him by surprise when she rose on her tiptoes, framing his face between her delicate hands, giving him the softest and most gentle kiss someone had ever given him, his hands hanging by his sides for a moment before he wrapped them around her waist and pulled her up to him, one hand raising up to her face to brush away a lock that had fallen in her eyes, cupping the back of her neck as he kissed her deeply, still so soft and so gentle, never quickening the pace she had set, almost lifting her off the ground, sighing in relief against her lips; it had been too long since he had the chance to kiss her.

Emma seemed to feel the same way, and foolishly, he let himself think that she was his again.

Her cold hands locked around his neck as her tongue stroked the corners of his lips, not daring to deepen the kiss more than he allowed it, and he fought a smile, scared that the slightest gesture or move would make her realize what she was doing, fearing the moment she would remember the engagement ring on her finger; Killian felt the cold metal of the jewel burning his skin, but he was too happy to say anything about it, too relieved to be able to hold her like this again, even if reason and logic were screaming at him to run away and to save the few pieces of his heart he had left.

To hell with reason and pain.

To hell with Graham and his stupid engagement ring.

Emma was there and kissing him, and it felt like he was finally breathing again after months of drowning and gasping for air, so he gave in his feelings for her, walking them backward until her back was pressed against the column of the gazebo, and this time he didn't fight the smile that curled on his lips, remembering the last time they had ended up like this; Emma was probably thinking the same because he felt her smile against his lips.

That smile warned him too, and Killian pulled away from her and broke their embrace, feeling the lack of her in his arms instantly, his body screaming to just hold her and kiss her again while she was allowing him to, but his head and heart telling him to back off.

He had his share of pain to last him a lifetime.

"Emma, I can't."

"Killian."

She called him with such desperation, looking so beautiful standing there in front of him in the moonlight, in that dress, her hair dancing with the wind, making him want to tangle his fingers in it, her cheek as rosy as they were before, making him want to kiss her senseless.

His resolve broke.

Grabbing her by the wrist, he slammed her body against his and kissed her fiercely this time, his hands traveling down her body, savoring her curves under his fingertips, grinning when he felt her arch against him; she held onto his hair and pulled him down to her, Killian lifting her up in his arms, pressing her against the column, Emma's hands going around his neck and tugging at his shirt before they traced the line of his torso, Killian's own hands disappearing under her dress and brushing over the velvet skin of her tights.

"I… I...", Emma breathed, but Killian's lips on her neck cut her off; he took great care to kiss every inch of her skin he could reach, lavishing the curve of her shoulder along with her collarbone, worrying the skin of her pulse point, Emma's breathing coming harshly when he cupped the back of her tights, urging her to wrap her legs around his waist.

But Emma pushed him away with her hands on his chest, Killian not understanding what was happening, and he shot her a questioning look, weighting the words between the silences, fearing the three words he could feel on the tip of his tongue; he couldn't, he shouldn't and he didn't want to say them.

Needing support, in more than one way, Killian pressed his forehead against hers, closing his eyes just a second to gather his thoughts, Emma's fragrance making it impossible; finding her too bright and too shiny eyes when he opened his own, catching her biting down her lip in such a sensual way that he felt the last inch of reason in him disappear, his lips fell on hers, teeth scratching, biting and tugging and opposed to their previous kiss, all gentleness was forgotten. Emma worked on his belt and zipper, giving his pants and underwear a tug before pressing him against her.

He should back down.

"I love you." Emma whispered, the situation feeling so oddly familiar, an impression of déjà vu overtaking him when he cupped her face and pressed himself against her, his lips moving dangerously against hers in a dance they had shared not so long ago, feeling his heart beating faster and stronger at her words, and yet fearing the next move she would take.

But still his hands were running up and down her thighs, over her backside to brush down her panties, not taking his time, not having it, just ripping them off of her body, and shoving them in his pocket, Emma's head falling back against the hard wood, her nails digging into his flesh.

"Now, please, now_", _she begged him, parting his lips with hers, her tongue darting out to tangle with his, Killian taking a hold of her hips as he finally thrust forward, and took her in one swift motion.

No more coming back.

Killian lifted her higher, feeling her legs tightening around his waist as he started to move, wanting to go slow, but Emma wanting more and more, her lips grazing his ear and giving a sharp tug on his earlobe, whispering things she shouldn't between two gasps, Killian taking her faster, harder, feeling her already so close, and yet his hands traveling up and down her side, teasing the inside of her breasts through the thin material of her dress, Emma leaving wet open-mouthed kisses along his neck, rocking her hips and meeting his movements, before going back to his lips, not kissing him, just ghosting her lips over his.

"I love you", she said again, cutting him deep inside, adding another scar to the others he already wore, Killian closing his eyes and loosing himself in her, taking her and feeling her escaping him already. "Oh God", Emma moaned against his mouth, her nails scratching over his neck. "_Killian."_

"Emma", he replied, biting back the words he didn't want to say, wrapping his arms around her as they fell together, too fast, too soon, too perfect when they were such a mess.

His legs threatened to give up on him, so Killian settled them on the ground, letting her curl against him, pulling her closer, even leaving a kiss in her hair and grinning when Emma's fingers drew a pattern on his chest, her hands sneaking under his shirt to caress his back, her lips kissing his bicep before she buried her head in the crook of his neck.

"I love you."

The words passed the barrier of his lips before Killian could stop them, meaning every letter and every syllable even if they all hurt him, and she smiled a dazzling, almost shy smile.

It wasn't the words he should have said.

_Don't leave me w_ould have been more appropriate.

His hand cupped her cheek, her big green eyes meeting his blue ones, her lips kissing the inside of his palm before she leaned closer to press them against his, taking with her the last piece of his heart he had left. Killian rolled her on her back, hovering above her and kissing her deeply and meaningfully, putting everything he had in that kiss, even the heart he had already given her.

And eventually, after a long moment without talking filled only with brushes and kisses, they went to sleep.

_Don't leave me. _

The words danced around in his mind but never passed through his lips.

_Please don't leave me, _he prayed as he closed his eyes, his last vision being Emma smiling against his shoulder, her nose brushing against his skin.

* * *

**Review?**

**It hurts doesn't it? That chapter was a huge part and Killian was killing me all along, but it needed to be said. For those who were asking, I won't end that story just like the movie, it's inspired from it, but that's all, I'm not copying the plot and no, Victor is not gonna end with Granny.**

**I don't know when the other part will come, first I have to finish Six Times! And I think you need a break! Hope you enjoyed!**

**Thanks to Montana, for everything.**

**And this is payback Ninie.**


	3. Three

No, no, no, no.

Emma woke up abruptly, looked around and found Killian sleeping next to her, an arm around her waist keeping her with him as if he were afraid she'd run away from him. Rolling on her side, she rose a hesitant hand to brush away the hair falling in his eyes, a soft expression drawing itself on her face, a peaceful smile curling her lips; he looked so relaxed, and if Emma allowed herself to acknowledge it, Killian looked happy.

She loved him so much, and she loved seeing him like this, unhurt and peaceful. Loved… Or so she hoped. A part of her knew that he didn't believe her, not really, not when her actions were saying different things than her words. She loved him and she needed him to know that, so Emma couldn't help but keep saying it again and again, even when Killian tried to shush her with his lips and kisses, his oh so dangerous kisses that made her go dizzy.

After all those months, nothing had changed, not her feelings, not the way her heart started racing when he was around, damn, even the sole notion of him close to her made her heart jump in her chest.

That was why she had kissed him like that, so gentle, putting in that one kiss all her love for him, so much love, shushing him with her lips on his, wanting him to taste her love on her tongue, or that was what she had hoped for, needing him to understand that none of this was his fault but only hers. Those feelings, that overwhelming and earth-shattering love was something she just didn't know how to deal with.

God knew how it scared her; the "us", so powerful and so passionate, which last night had proved, the need, the desire and the hunger, the way she had needed to repeat again and again how much she had missed him and how much she loved him.

Her fingers traced the edges of the scar on his cheek, a part of him that Emma loved so much, just like she loved the way his hair felt between her fingers, the way he smelled, something comforting and uniquely his, something just Killian that made her want to bury her nose in the crook of his neck, but she stopped because she didn't have any guarantees that it wouldn't wake him up.

It seemed to be like old times, falling asleep in the gazebo, watching the stars, and talking all night about all the constellations they knew, about the future, about anything and everything, or just remaining silent and savoring each other's company and being in each other's arms.

Because that was enough, being with each other.

Where had that feeling gone?

How could the person that made you feel safe, could also make you feel so scared?

Sometimes, Emma would wake up in the middle of the night, panting and trembling, with Killian peacefully sleeping next to her, and her fears crawling in her stomach.

She wouldn't survive losing him; he was the one person that could shattered her world, the one person she was depending on.

And she hated it, hated how much she needed him, how easily the very thought of not having him in her life could reduce her to nothing, how much power he had over her. They had been together for five years; five years ago she had faced the sea with him holding her hand, five years of being together and one year of living in the same apartment, and not once her fears had let her live in peace.

Maybe sometimes love wasn't enough.

No matter how much and how deeply they loved each other, it wasn't enough to make her let go of her fears.

That was why she had decided to leave, breaking her heart and his at the same time; that moment still haunted her, the broken look on his face, the pleading voice begging her to stay, the anger when he had told her she was scared. And oh God she was, of him, of them, of losing him, losing them.

Emma would rather take the things ahead on her own than risk to be left high and dry.

No one would ever matter as much as Killian did; he was a part of her, a part of her heart.

Emma sighted heavily, letting her head fall against the floor, worrying her lip between her teeth, the engagement ring on her finger feeling heavy, burning when it touched Killian's skin, and as if he had felt it too, Killian frowned in his sleep.

Graham.

Oh God.

Oh God, no, no, no, what had she done to him, to them?

She sat straighter, almost waking up Killian when the arm around her fell in her lap, once again she hadn't been able to stop herself from going back to him; if she was being entirely honest, Emma hadn't stopped thinking about him, not since that last night when she had gone to him, when she had found out about… About the ring.

Pulling her knees close to her chest, Emma looked down at him, tears pearling at the corners of her eyes. She was so impulsive when she was with him; he drove her crazy, they fought, they made up, they loved and they hated each other, he made her fall head over heels for him, he made her shiver and see red at the same time, but they had always found their way back to each other.

Until the day her fears had been too much to handle.

Killian was right; she had run away.

From him, from everything he was. Everything he made her feel.

Graham had been away for two days back then, they weren't living together, Emma hadn't wanted to rush anything with him, memories of her life with Killian still too vivid in her mind; she did love Graham, not like she had… like she still loved Killian. She had fallen for Graham slowly, and he had been such a good friend to her when everything was falling apart because of her, only because of her; she was drowning in the sea and Graham had helped her survive the storm.

He had been kind and sweet to her, he had been patient and he hadn't pushed her into anything, letting her take her time to get over Killian; after all, he had been a witness to their relationship because he was one of their best friends. Graham had been the shoulder she could cry upon after she had broken up with Killian, shushing her cries and wiping away her tears.

But _that_ night, Emma had fallen into her memories, going through pictures of her and Killian, each of their smiles like a knife in her heart, the cold and harsh truth killing her and freezing her blood in her veins; she missed him, she missed them, and even worse, she would never get over him, he would always own a piece of her heart… who was she kidding, Killian had her heart, and the day she had left their apartment, she had left it with him.

And so Emma didn't think, and she left all reasons and common sense behind her when she ran back to him while the rain was falling; she ran between the cars and down familiar streets, her heart racing in her chest, cursing the stupid and cliché situation of a girl running to the man she loved and getting drenched in the pouring rain.

And the moment Killian had opened the door smelling like cigarettes because he had probably started smoking again, Emma had forgotten all the words, forgotten the entire speech she had prepared on the way; he had dark marks under his eyes, he looked tired and he had let his scruff grow a bit too much, but his eyes were as blue as ever, and they were still seeing right through her. Killian had clenched his jaw, and he looked angry at her at first for showing up at such a late hour; her resolve had broken, and the words she had held back for months in Graham's presence, and even Ruby's, fell from her lips.

Not holding back her tears anymore, her arms had fallen miserably at her sides; she was completely at his mercy, ready for his rude words, the anger and the pain, but instead, his lips had crashed upon hers and Emma sighed with relief when she had -finally- tasted him again, almost breaking down in his arms, hers locking around his neck in a strong embrace.

The rest had happened really fast, Killian had laid her in their bed, kissing her senseless and leaving her gasping for air, his hands wandering over her body and making her shiver like no other men could, his kisses tasting like promises and love, _so much love that Emma had felt like she would break under the weight of it, her heart not able to take it or to give it back__as _Killian whispered the words in her ear again and again.

She had missed him.

She had missed him so much.

Graham had kept her out of the water, but Killian was the one to save her from drowning. Graham helped her to hide somewhere safe, but Killian was the one facing the storm with her.

He was the one making her breathe, and there, in his arms, Emma felt free, she felt loved, she felt beautiful.

Killian fell asleep after a while; there were no words exchanged, just heavy looks speaking volumes, he loved her and she loved him, and Killian's arms were around her, her back pressed against his chest, their bodies fitting together perfectly; it was all perfect, the way he kissed her goodnight, the way he nuzzled her neck with kisses, the way his touch sent shivers down her spine.

And yet she had run.

Getting up a little while after, Emma decided to stretch her legs and see if the place they had shared had changed, but she was very careful not to wake Killian; she kissed his cheek and he frowned and then smiled in his sleep when her hair brushed over him.

She walked around their old room and noticed he hadn't changed much since the last time she had been there, in fact, everything was exactly the same, even the two of them felt like nothing had changed; their kisses were the same, their embrace and the way they looked at each other hadn't changed.

Her curiosity made her open the wardrobe, a part of her wondering if Killian had moved on like she had tried to, if there was another girl in his life, but when she looked around the place she only saw memories of them, and the only thing that had changed was the sound of their broken hearts finally beating again.

Her eyes were drawn to a little box made of black velvet and her heart jumped in her chest when she took it in her hand; Emma sat down on the floor, settling the box on her knee, looking over Killian's sleeping form and trying to figure out what to do. A part of her was scared that it was meant for someone else, that Killian had moved on after all, but mostly she was shivering because she was pretty sure it was for her.

Emma had been right.

Nothing had changed.

Not even her fears.

Holding it between two fingers, her teeth worrying her bottom lip, Emma took a deep breath and opened the little box. A gasp almost escaped her when she saw the ring in it; it was nothing extravagant, just like Killian; simple and with the stone shining like a firework, the band made of white gold, the stone blue like Killian's eyes, elegant and beautiful. Not able to take the suspense anymore, Emma looked for an inscription, needing to know if her assumptions were right. Taking it between her fingers and holding it right in front of her eyes, Emma read the inscription once before putting it back in the box and putting it aside, a hand on her mouth to prevent her cries from waking up Killian.

"_I will keep the sea away from you_", the inscription read, and it meant that it could only be for her. Emma cried in silence, never looking away from Killian, her body wrecked with sobs, the air not coming in her lungs anymore; she wasn't ready for this, her fears were back and they were stronger than ever.

Nothing had changed.

Everything was scaring her; him, them, that ring he had bought for her. This was something Emma wasn't prepared to face even though she loved him, loved him with her whole heart and being; true love always found a way her mother used to tell her, but how? How could her and Killian get rid of her fears, how could they find a way back to each other when she couldn't help but fear what could happen to them? What if he left her like Neal had done a long time ago; left her like she had been nothing but means to an end for him… Yes, Killian had promised her forever and had tried to heal her from those fears, but Emma still woke up afraid at night, just like she had on the night she left him.

The ring was exactly what she needed, the promise of forever she had been craving for, proof that he would never leave her because everyone, especially her dad and sometimes even Ruby, had warned her about the kind of guy Killian was; he had never tried to hide from her that he had spent some time without strings attached because he had loved once and gotten his heart broken, just like she did, but since he had met her, everything had changed, or so Killian had told her.

But still, even with him wanting to marry her, Emma couldn't shake the feeling crawling in her stomach and making her gasp for air; she couldn't do that, she could not marry him when her fears were still making her blood run cold at the thought of losing him.

She was so screwed, Emma thought, biting down on the back of her hand; marriage scared her, being with Killian scared her, everything was scary now and Killian was fast asleep.

So Emma did what she did best; she picked up her stuff, kissed his cheek longer than necessary, taking the risk of him waking up and her having to tell him she was leaving again.

She was a coward and a runner.

She was in love.

_A child scared of love._

_Somehow the ghost of Neal was everywhere, haunting her every time she started loving again._

* * *

That morning in the gazebo the history repeated and Emma left him once more, kissing his cheek and grabbing the blanket her mother kept on the bench – just in case someone decided to sleep outside under the starry sky - something that Emma and Killian had done more than once. Emma covered him with the blanket, kissing him once more before picking up her stuff, not caring if she couldn't find her underwear, and then she ran. Tears were falling down her cheeks; she was a runner, and that was why she had accepted Graham's proposal; so she could put even more distance between her and Killian, making sure he wouldn't follow her and try to make her come back.

Somehow.

And yet she was the one going back to him every time.

And Killian was the one fighting for her, for them, every single time.

That night Emma found the ring she had came back to her apartment and found Graham on the couch, sleeping with his arm across his face, his suitcase next to him, because he had probably wanted to surprise her by coming back sooner than she had expected. Emma sat on the coffee table next to the sofa and caressed his cheek, trying to wake him up but not daring to do it with a kiss, not when the ghosts of Killian's lips were still so present upon hers; she was not ready to let go of that just yet. Rubbing her eyes with the back of her hand, Emma made sure there was no trace of tears on her face because the last thing she needed was to have to explain what had caused them.

"Hey", Graham's sleepy voice made her stop thinking about what had happened as she tryed to put a brave face on.

"You're back sooner than I thought."

"I wanted to surprise you", Graham cupped her cheek and leaned forward to kiss her good morning, but Emma turned her head just in time so his lips landed on the corner of her mouth.

"Want some coffee?" Emma changed the subject quickly, running away again, not paying attention to Graham's disappointed face. "You're probably tired."

"Emma."

He grabbed her wrist when she stood up, stopping her in her tracks. "I have something for you."

"Okay."

Graham shrugged, shaking his head before taking something from his pocket, "I know this might seem too soon, or too much but…" He lifted his head, a big smile on his lips, before he knelt down, "I've loved you for so long, and I think I've waited for this my entire life."

Emma felt numb, completely out of it; her heart had been ripped out from her chest and left somewhere in Killian's bed, in his hands, and now Graham was offering her his.

"I know things had been complicated; we didn't start our relationship in the most common way, but my love for you is not common either."

_Please don't. _Emma prayed in silence, holding back the tears and hoping Graham wouldn't notice her trembling, or think that she's just being emotional; she thought of Killian, waking up at that very same moment, looking for her and realizing that she had found his ring, so beautiful and like his eyes, while Graham took another ring and offered it to her, a hopeful smile on his face.

The ring was pretty, it was simple but with a bigger stone than Killian's ring, a white one, and Emma forced herself to smile, and even though she didn't hear Graham's words when he asked for her hand, she nodded, biting her lip and not fighting the tears anymore. Graham sighed heavily, and he looked happy when he stood up and put the ring on her finger, the weight of the promise she had just made so heavy; she kissed Graham when he leaned in for a kiss and he embraced her tightly and twirled her around; Emma closed her eyes and buried her nose in his neck.

She loved Graham.

He would make her safe, he could be a home.

Graham was the right choice. And with him she wasn't afraid.

* * *

Her shoes in her hand, Emma ran up the stairs of her parents' house, stopping in her tracks when she found her brother, Jefferson, staring at her as he drank his coffee. Emma knew what she looked like, her hair all messy from the night she had spent, and yet she was still hoping he couldn't see through her and guess how she had spent her night.

"Tough night?"

"Yeah..."

Emma rubbed her forehead with the back of her hand, walking toward the kitchen and grabbing a mug, pouring herself coffee; she felt like she was hangover and she pinched her nose, trying to make the feeling go away.

"Graham was worried about you."

Emma bit her lip, feeling bad for letting Graham worry about her; she wanted to go to her room and sleep, to forget about that whole night, about Killian's kisses, about the burning trails over her body.

"I… I'm sorry, I was..."

"I know." Jefferson replied, setting his coffee on the table, coming closer and leaning against the wall, arms crossed over his chest, "I saw you both when I woke up earlier this morning."

Oh shit.

She had completely forgotten that her brother was one of those morning people, waking up at the crack of dawn.

"You do what you want, Emmy, but they don't deserve this, neither one of them."

"I know." Emma sighed, taking a long sip of her drink, burning her tongue with the too hot coffee; she dropped the mug on the counter and hid her face behind her hands, "I fucked up big time."

"From what I saw..."

Her brother's eyes widened considerably and Emma shot him a death stare; she forgot sometimes that he was Killian's best friend for a reason. "Alright, do you love Graham?"

Emma shook her head, nodding slowly, "I do."

"What about Killian?"

"It's complicated." She trailed off, crossing her arms in front of her chest, finding the floor really interesting all of sudden.

"It's not so complicated; either you love him or you don't."

"Jeff…"

"Emmy, come on," his hands rested of her shoulders, and he shook her gently, "It's obvious there's some unfinished business with Killian. Everyone knows it."

"That's not..."

"True?" Her brother cut her off, "Sorry to break it to you, honey, but everyone can see it, and by everyone, I mean everyone, Graham too, damn it, even Grace knows it."

"Fuck." Emma swore, remembering her encounter with Victor the night before when he had called her out for messing with Killian, and he was right; at that moment Killian was probably waking up alone in the gazebo, trying to reach for and realizing she had left him again.

She felt horrible; everything was fucked up and Killian was right, none of this was making sense, especially not the wedding. God she was a mess and the only thing she was capable of doing was fucking up the men she loved.

"Emmy," Jefferson sighted before taking her in his arms, and wrapping her up in a strong embrace, "It's okay."

"It's not okay." She murmured against his shoulders holding onto him, a smile curling on her lips because she was surprised that Jeff, her big brother was the one who was keeping her safe.

"You're right, it's not okay, you can't keep going like that, you have to choose, not only for them, but for yourself. I think you're scared, but scared of what? I don't really know, but you're making yourself miserable, and you're hurting them, you're hurting Killian the most. He loves you, you know?"

Emma blinked, scratching her nose, "I know."

Jefferson kissed her forehead, as if she were still his little sister, "Do you remember what mom used to say? True love always finds a way."

"What is that famous quote about if you fall in love with another guy..." She trailed off, not finding the strength to finish the sentence, the words hanging in the air for a moment.

"Cut the crap. What about the little girl too scared to love because she had gotten her heart broken? Is there a quote about that?" He laughed despite the importance of his words, "It's not new Emma, we both know that you're protecting yourself. Those walls of yours, there are back in place."

"I love Graham." Emma pulled away to look at him, and she wasn't lying, she did love him.

"You do, but you're afraid."

_You're afraid, afraid to talk, to reveal yourself, to trust me, to believe in us. _Killian's words came back to her, echoing her brother's, "I don't know what to do anymore."

"I can't really help you there, but you should give yourself time to figure out what you really want." He leaned closer, his mouth near her ear as if he were whispering a secret, like they used to do in their games when they were kids, "But if you were sure about Graham, well, you wouldn't be hesitating like that."

"I… I..."

"Hey everyone!" A voice greeted them from behind, making them turn around, and they found Ariel, wearing a short -way too short- skirt, her hair falling around her face in messy waves, "Have you seen Killian?"

Emma looked away; that girl hadn't done anything to her, she was innocent, and yet Emma couldn't help but feel happy that she was the one to be with him last night when Ariel had probably been waiting for him to join her in her bed. She knew shouldn't be enjoying her disappointment, not when she had a ring on her finger saying Killian wasn't hers anymore; she shouldn't savor the fact that when Ariel had hoped she would have a night with Killian, Emma was kissing him and he was kissing her back.

Shaking her head and leaving Ariel with her brother, Emma dried her tears and bit into a croissant, and it was tasteless.

* * *

A pair of jeans and a shirt had seemed adequate for the dinner her mother had organized for tonight; the guests were all chatting and laughing, and an aunt she hadn't seen for a long time grabbed Emma by the arm and looked at her for a moment, complimenting her hair and giving her some stupid advice for the shadows under her eyes. And then Aunt Lucy congratulated her on her impending nuptials and told her she had chosen such a nice guy.

If Emma recalled correctly, the last time she had seen Lucy, she had told her how stupid and how careless she was to get involved with a guy like Killian, not to mention the fact that he was _just_ a bartender.

God knew she didn't care if he was a bartender or a pirate; he was Killian, _her _Killian. She dared to look around her, seeking Killian's back, or the sight of his blue eyes, but she couldn't find him anywhere; was he hiding from her? Knowing Killian, after what she had done to him, again, he wouldn't show up.

Emma made up some excuse and left Aunt Lucy, turned around and found her father walking toward her, carefully holding a big knife he was using for the barbecue, "Hey sweetie." He wrapped an arm around her shoulder and kissed her forehead, "How are you feeling?"

"Fine."

But David Nolan didn't seem to buy her lie; he scanned her face and tilted his head to the side, "You look tired… you should take care of yourself because the real thing is in a few days."

"I'm more than fine," Emma shrugged and kissed his cheek, then gave him that smile she knew her father could resist, "Don't worry dad, I'm okay."

"Promise?"

He arched a brow as he let her go, still holding her hand, and Emma squeezed his fingers, "I promise."

"Alright. You should go have a piece of cake; mom made your favorite one." David kissed her cheek and grinned at her before going back to the barbecue where Leroy was trying not to burn the meat, which knowing Leroy's cooking skills was probably happening even with all his care.

Slaloming between her family and friends, smiling at those who tried to start a conversation, cutting them off with a grin, Emma played with her engagement ring that seemed to be heavier and heavier with every passing second, images of Killian and her, and not only from last night but those five years together too coming back to her mind. Foolishly, Emma couldn't help but think about the ring she had found in Killian's wardrobe, the blue one matching his eyes, trying not to imagine what would have been today if she hadn't run away that night, if it were his ring she had on her finger.

But that would have required courage.

Emma was brave when it came to her family, to her friends, always fighting tooth and nail for the ones she loved, but she wasn't brave enough when it came to real love; she had realized too late that saying yes to Graham had been rushing things between them and he had started to be all too excited about their union, everything escalating in no time.

And so here she was, about to get married, convincing herself that this could be what she needed.

Maybe.

"Look who's not running; I thought you would have left in that yellow bug of yours by now."

People needed to stop making her jump every five fucking seconds or she would end up with a heart attack at only twenty eight; Emma turned around and met Killian's too blue eyes. Arching a brow and brushing past her her, he served himself a drink and took a piece of cake, completely ignoring her.

"What do you want, Killian?" Emma growled even though she knew she wasn't the one who was supposed to be mad, or ask for an explanation.

"So you do remember my name... Here I thought that the reason you had left me _again _was that you had amnesia. So what's your reason, then", he leaned in, his breath dangerously close to her lips, "_love." _

All of a sudden, Killian pulled back, turning back around and reaching for another drink, then went on without giving her time to find an answer.

"Should I be expecting some of your girlfriends to come after me too?" Killian chewed his food nonchalantly, not even looking at her, "I mean, you fucked me before _getting __engaged__,_ and then you fucked me before _getting married__, _so I'm asking you, is that some kind of a ritual, a good luck mojo, a girl thing, fucking me over and over again? Something to guarantee the future bride good luck?"

Emma's jaw dropped and she stared at him, not believing her ears.

What the Hell?

"I just need to know if it's a new ritual; informing me would be kind, you know, so I can keep track, maybe remember to carry condoms with me, because you can never know when the future bride is going to jump on you."

"You're an ass."

Emma turned her back, wanting to be as far as possible from him.

"Actually," he caught her wrist before she had a chance to put enough distance between them, "I'm rather conciliating. I thought you would want these back," he said and with his free hand, he put her missing underwear in her pocket, "Although the idea of keeping them as a trophy, a souvenir of the night you fucked me up again crossed my mind, I decided not to since I hadn't kept the first ones, and I would rather have them in pair or not at all."

Emma slapped him, her hand hitting his cheek before she could even process what she had done, and she regretted it immediately. This was what he did to her, making her loose her mind, for bad or for good, and now the whole crowd was looking at them; from the corner of her eye she saw Graham coming toward them.

"You're an ass."

"An ass you were more than happier to have last night, lass." Killian snapped back angrily, leaning closer so his breath was on her cheeks, sending a shiver down her spine. "This was probably the first time I saw you being yourself since this whole fuckery started," he whispered in her ear before going to Ariel, who wasn't looking pleased with him, probably getting ready to make a scene of her own. Emma went in the opposed direction, ignoring Ruby and her mother, not paying attention to Graham calling her name, too focused on not shedding a tear in front of everyone, on not giving Killian the pleasure of seeing how much all this affected her.

And the worst thing was that Killian was right, right to be mad after what she had dared to do to him; Emma ran and locked herself in her room and took off her engagement, settling it on the wardrobe and finally feeling relieved, freed the moment it came off.

She sat down on the bed, remembering the underwear he had put in her pocket and tossing it across the room; that had been a really shitty move on Killian's part, because who the Hell did he think he was?

_The love of your life, _a voice told her, enjoying her despair and her pain, and Emma sighed, hiding her face in her palms, not knowing what would be the wisest decision now, not daring to talk to her mother about it despite how close they were, not even to Ruby, who had told her she was crazy to marry Graham when she loved Killian. Since that talk, Emma had avoided the Jones topic around Ruby, even more so because of Victor; she had hurt Killian enough without having her best friend telling her boyfriend everything.

_This was so fucked up._

And she had no way out because this was the wise decision, she kept telling herself, the words losing their meaning after the tenth time, everything around her falling apart, her world feeling like it was shattering beneath her feet; the last thing Emma wanted was for Graham to hold her, not after she had spent the night with Killian, not after she kept telling him the words only her fiancé should hear and never regretting it.

The air was starting to feel stifling and Emma looked up at the ceiling, focusing on the scratches of paint, needing to breathe again, to find something to hold onto because she wasn't ready for the wave that was threatening to swallow her hard and fast, and never let her go.

That was how loving Killian felt.

"Emma?" Graham's voice came from behind the door and Emma dried off her tears quickly; she didn't want him to see her in this state, she didn't want anyone to see her like this because she knew that the only thing that could make it okay was out of her reach. Telling Graham to come in, she tried to put a smile on her face.

"Hey."

"What happened?" His voice was too soft and too gentle and it brought the tears back to her eyes as he settled down next to her, taking her hand in his, "When you came back to bed you were shaking," Graham's free hand rose to her face to brush her cheek, "And now you're fighting with Killian… What is happening, Emma?"

Taking a deep breath, Emma got up and let go of his hand to walk around the bed, arms crossed in front of her chest and she paced, trying to figure out what to do, to lie or tell him the truth, all along feeling his gaze on her skin.

"The reason I was away last night..." Emma leaned against the wardrobe, "Is that I wasn't alone."

Looking down at the floor, not able to hold his stare, Emma gathered all the courage she had left, "I was with Killian." She murmured under her breath.

"How with Killian?" Graham narrowed his eyes at her.

"As in _with __him__._"

"I see."

"I'm sorry."

It was only when Graham got up and walked toward her that she lifted her eyes to finally look at him, and when she saw no trace of anger whatsoever, she lifted her chin higher, "I always knew he was still in your heart, under your skin, but I had hoped you would have eventually moved on, _with me."_

"I don't deserve your kindness."

Graham chuckled, brushing his knuckles over her cheeks, "We can't keep doing this."

"I know."

Pulling her in for a hug, Graham dropped a few kisses against her temple, "I love you, Emma, but if you want to be with me, if you want this wedding, I need you to be with me, I need _all _of you."

She remained silent, not able to give him an answer, knowing it was just fair for him to ask her to be completely his, no sharing, no Killian Jones in her heart and head, just all his, but as she rested her cheek against his shoulder, Emma couldn't help but think that this was why Graham was safe; he would take her broken and bent down and made sure she was okay.

That was why Graham was safe.

"I need you to choose," he said, his hands going up and down her back, and it was almost like they were dancing, "I need to know if you're with me, or with him. If you want to marry me, if you want to be with me and spend your life with me, I would be the happiest man in the world, but if you doubt it, doubt us, if you're not completely sure or if you don't want it the way I do, just call it off, and I won't be mad. I could make you happy, I could give you everything, Emma, but I can't do it if your heart isn't here with me." Bringing her hand to his lips, Graham kissed her knuckles reverently, "We have little time, but I need you to choose, and if you choose me, I will forget about the night you spent with him, I will forget about it and just make sure you won't ever have to shed a tear for him or for anything else."

Ignoring the part of her telling her that it may feel safe but it was still wrong, Emma let him hold her, preferring reason over her heart. She forgot about last night, about blue eyes and whispered secrets and forbidden words, and closing her eyes, all she could see behind her lids was the sea; she had found a port, a place to stay, away from the stormy sea, protecting her from drowning.

Calm. Peaceful.

Safe.

A knock on the door surprised them, and looking around they saw Mary Margaret coming in with a worried expression, "I'm sorry to interrupt you", her mother apologized when she saw Emma pulling away from Graham, "We have a problem; Grace has disappeared."

"When?" Graham asked.

"Jefferson noticed she was gone a while after you left the party, we have no idea where she could be."

"Oh God," Emma rubbed her forehead, knowing all too well how worried her brother must be; Grace was a precious baby to them all, and Emma was her Godmother, " We need to find her, could you look for her on the road, I bet dad is already there, my mom and I will look for her along the beach."

"Sure."

Leaving mother and daughter alone, Graham shot a smile at Emma, silently asking her not to forget about their talk, but Emma wasn't able to hold his stare, her mother's hand on her arm stopping her swirling thoughts, "Everything okay, honey?"

"Yeah, let's find Grace."

* * *

The wind played in her hair and Emma looked around, hoping to catch sight of Grace, her fears going to the sea, afraid she had fallen in and drowned, got swallowed by the sea because Emma knew how dangerous it could be. Her heart was beating fast, pumping the blood in her veins almost painfully, "Are you sure you're okay; you're shaking?" Her mother inquired, reaching for her hand, "Yeah, I'm just scared for Grace."

"We all are, but we will find her, right? Jefferson called the cops and everyone is looking for her, she can't have gone far."

"If you say so."

"You're sure your mood doesn't have something to do with what happened earlier with Killian?"

"He had been an ass, that's all." The words felt wrong, talking about him as if he were the one at fault.

Liar, liar, liar, liar, sang a voice in her head.

"That's weird."

Emma stopped in her tracks, shocked, "Isn't that what you're all expecting from him? To be an asshole?"

"God no! I actually like him, he's a good guy."

"That's not what you used to say when we were still together." Emma said angrily, remembering all too well how difficult it had been to make them accept Killian, especially her father; they knew Killian because of Jefferson, always seeing him as the bad guy hanging out with their son. The day Emma and Killian had come through the door together, hands entwined, her father had gone through all the colors possible, being offensive during the entire dinner, after which followed an animated talk when Emma had told him what she had thought of his behavior, although she had understood where it was all coming from.

_Neal._

"You do? I thought you didn't like him."

"I may not have always liked him, but then I saw."

"Saw what?"

"The way he looked, still looks at you… that's the way your father looks at me, like you're the most precious thing in his world. Like you're his world." Her mother said with a smile, caressing her shoulder.

"Don't you like Graham?" Emma asked, trying not to process her mother's words, knowing deep down that she was right, the very memory of those blue eyes drinking her soul sending a shiver down her spine.

"I do."

"But?"

"I can't say-" Mary Margaret shook her head, chuckling and looking around them, "Your wedding is soon."

"I think that's an excellent reason to tell me what you think, actually." Emma grinned, hoping that her smile would make her mother give in.

"I like Graham a lot, he's great, he really is, but I don't think he's the one for you."

"Why?" They were now facing each other, her mother really uncomfortable, shifting her weight on one foot and then the other, "He's… He's perfect. Everything a woman or even a father would ask for a son in law."

"But what about you? I don't care about what women need or wish for, I care about what you need, what you want, Emma, honey."

"Graham is safe, he's amazing, and he's perfect."

Her mother tilted her head, narrowing her eyes, "That's not what I asked."

"I… I love him." Emma brushed away a lock of hair falling in her eyes, not liking the turn of the conversation and not liking what her mother was implying.

"Emma, I don't doubt that, I wouldn't have doubted that; it takes a lot to marry a man, and if you didn't love him, we wouldn't be here. You wouldn't have that look in your eyes."

Emma looked surprised and wounded; having Killian reading her like a book was more than enough, she didn't need her mother to do that too. "What are you implying?"

Taking a deep breath, Mary Margaret explained herself, "I know you love him, and I'm more than happy for your wedding with Graham, I really am, but I can see it, you're just different."

"Is that such a bad thing?"

"Why did you slap Killian?"

Emma shrugged and turned around, facing the sea, the salty perfume bringing a little bit of courage to her, "I did something bad last night, something I shouldn't have done, but I wanted to, and he was an ass about it."

Mary Margaret Nolan remained silent for a few long minutes, which seemed like hours for Emma; she didn't look away from the sea, hypnotized by its immensity.

"I see." Mary Margaret nodded, standing by her daughter's side, joining her in her contemplation, "Do you think it was a mistake?"

"No." The answer lost itself in the sound of the waves crashing against the beach, not far away from their spot, the weight of that word flying away from her shoulders as she said it, just like her hair flew in the wind and caressed her cheeks, "That's the problem."

"Is that the real problem?"

Emma laughed, something she had thought she'd forgotten how to do, "I don't know anymore,"

Her mother moved around to stand just in front of her, taking Emma's hands in hers, "You're strong, honey, gorgeous and so kind, but you should stop thinking with your head sometimes; I know what happened to you... in the past, hurt you a lot, but Emma, not everyone is going to leave you or hurt you, so don't shut out the people who love you, the people who really, really love you."

Her mother paused, smiling to herself, "I think we found the lost girl. Look over there; it's time to bring the lost girl home."

Emma turned around on her heel and found Grace sitting under the trees, knees pressed against her chest, and even though she was crying, Emma sighted in relief, "Thank God."

"You should talk to her." Mary Margaret said, before adding when Emma frowned her brows, "Just talk to her, she needs it."

"Okay." Emma narrowed her eyes, walking fast to Grace who didn't even look up when she reached her. "Hey! Everyone is looking for you, what's going on?" Emma sat down next to Grace, bumping her shoulder against Grace's. "Your father is worried. What's happening? Aren't you having fun at the party?"

Grace shook her head from left to right, frowning heavily and making a sad face."

"Grace, tell me what's happening, honey."

"You're marrying Graham."

Emma chuckled a little, "That's not new."

"You don't understand."

"What am I not understanding?"

"You can't marry him, it's not how it's supposed to end." Grace finally looked at her, "You can't marry him, that's not how fairytales end!"

"Grace…" Emma shook her head, but the girl cut her off.

"In all the stories the ones who love each other end up together, they have their happy ending."

When her niece started to cry, Emma's heart felt like it was breaking within her chest and she immediately wrapped her arms around the little girl, rocking her gently and kissing the top of her head, telling her to calm down, that everything was going to be fine, that she was happy, and that she loved Graham.

"God, you're here, princess", Killian's voice came from afar and he jogged to them; Grace pulled away from Emma to jump at Killian's neck, and he bent down to wrap her in his arms, whispering things in her ear that Emma couldn't hear.

Killian's eyes met Emma's, the eyes she had tried to stop thinking of and failed miserably; Killian gave her an apologetic smile, his embrace tightening around Grace.

Getting on her feet, Emma brushed away the sand on her jeans and let them talk, knowing that Grace needed Killian more than she needed her; Emma walked back to the party even though she knew that her mother had probably already told Jefferson that his daughter was okay. She put her hands in her backside pockets, and she wasn't able to stop herself from looking back, loosing herself in the sight just like she had done with the sea; Killian was brushing Grace's hair and talking to her softly, the little girl nodding at him and rubbing her eyes, Killian drying off her tears and smiling at her with that true and genuine smile he reserved for Grace.

And Emma.

Seeing them, like that, so close, so familiar, Emma felt like she was seeing the future, watching Killian and his daughter, who could be their daughter, Grace's blond hair messing with her head for an instant, Emma's heart starting to race as she watched what could be, what could have been, her future, Killian telling their daughter to breathe, holding her tightly in a protective embrace, one Emma would have too, when they went to bed as she fell asleep in his arms inhaling that hypnotic perfume he wore, something like the sea and like love, knowing their daughter was peacefully asleep in the room next to theirs.

That could have been her future, _their _future.

Looking back at the sea, away from them and shaking her head to get those thoughts out of her mind, Emma walked back to the party.

* * *

Emma had spent a long time sitting on the chair next to their bed; Graham was asleep but the sound of his breathing wasn't managing to lull her to sleep, her knees were up on the seat and pressed against her chest, her chin resting on top of them as she tried to think about what she should do about Graham, about them.

The day had been heavy in emotions and there were too many things to process, too many feelings to deal with.

_Too much love._

Killian.

Not listening to her head anymore, Emma put her shoes on, forgetting to take her jacket because she was too focused on carefully getting out of the room and flying down the stairs, a weight on her chest making it hard to breathe, tears forming at the corners of her eyes when she started running as fast as she could in direction of the sea, never once stopping in her tracks, her legs killing her and telling her to stop. She didn't, she ran faster, not caring for the sand invading her shoes and hurting her feet, the smell of the sea filling her lungs and allowing her to breathe again.

Her feet touched the sea and she stopped herself abruptly, her whole body screaming in pain, but Emma didn't care, because for once she was feeling alive and free.

Entering the sea, Emma let herself fall and embrace its immensity, letting it swallow her.

_She was free._

* * *

**_I hope it was worth the wait! I know a lot of you are waiting for the update of Six Times, but this monster is just too present in my head, Killian and Emma screaming at me to give them their happy ending...Maybe._**

**_And for those who thought I would kill Killian ,no no no, I won't ever do that! Come on! He's a fighter :) and don't worry, they are gonna be fine, eventually. I hope that chapter helped you to understand them, especially Emma, she's not a cold bitch, she's not emotionless concerning Killian or Graham, quite the contrary._**

**_Thank you all for the amazing feedback, for reviewing and sticking with me._**

**_Adriane._**


	4. Four

**So this is the last chapter before the epilogue, thank you so much for being so supportive and reviewing/favoriting/following, if someone had told me how much you'd have loved that story when I started it I wouldn't have believed it! I'm surprised that a lot of you think Emma was trying to end herself by drowning, no one is going to die in that story! :) **

**Also this is the longest chapter I've ever written, it's a huge piece and I hope you will enjoy it as much I enjoyed writing it! This chapter was written with the help of the song "What if the storm ends" by Snow Patrol!**

* * *

It was cold, so cold compared to the hotness of her skin, the heat of the summer making her heart ache; not even the wind could make her cool down and only the sea seemed to be her cure in that moment.

The ocean was dark and stormy tonight, something she used to be scared of; it was a place she wouldn't even have thought of coming anywhere near without her mother's hand or Killian's fingers entwined with hers.

The truth was, even if Emma was about to marry Graham near the sea, at her parents' house, Graham and her had never been to the sea together; every time her fiancé had offered to go for a jog or just a romantic walk near the sea, Emma had declined his offer politely, with a smile, preferring a walk in the forest or anywhere else, as long as it was far away from the sea. It was a sacred place, something that Killian and her shared, it was their spot, the place where they had met and fell in love.

It belonged to them and them only.

And adding to all that, the color of the sea reminded her of the blue in Killian's eyes.

Killian was the sea, overwhelming, immense, scaring, calm and peaceful.

Remembering the little girl who had always wanted to live near the sea, hence her parents' decision to live near it, Emma smiled; the sea was always fascinating her, until Neal had let her down, until he had ruined her dreams in a single night

She had loved him so much, she was ready to give him her heart, willingly putting it in his hands, and without mercy, Neal Cassidy had crushed it and left her alone; that was when Emma faced the sea and made the promise to never let anyone that close, to never drop her guard, never let anybody take her heart and get a chance to crush it. That night, near the sea, Emma had sealed that promise with the salty air mixing with her tears.

Never again.

Emma embraced the sea with open arms now, as if she wasn't scared, and she wasn't anymore because she didn't want to be; it was peaceful although the sea was storming, the rhythm of the sea echoing the beating of her heart, the waves crashing and hitting her, almost making her loose her balance, but somehow, Emma remained standing up, loving the way the water was cleansing her thoughts, doubts and fears, disinfecting her every wound and healing her.

She was free.

And she let herself lose balance, not resisting when a bigger wave came to take her, a smile fluttering on her lips because if she could handle this, there was no reason she couldn't take the rest. Everything seemed to be clear and everything was making sense; her every decision, her mother's words, Grace's, her brother's and Killian's, Graham's kind and selfless words coming back to her mind, finally sounding right.

Everything was crystal clear, and Emma could see right through every lie, mistake and bad move, seeing and understanding what had been right, _what had felt right, _what had been a mistake and what had been an illusion all along.

She wasn't scared anymore, whatever it was, it was in her, that strength, that courage, it had always been there, sleeping, waiting for the right moment, and although timing was a real bitch, it was the right time to let go of the ghosts, of the pain and the fears; they would still be there, maybe they would always be there, but they couldn't dictate her life anymore.

At that very moment, facing the sea, facing that immensity, the one she had feared for so long, she felt a smile curling on her lips because she remembered another sea, another beach and time, hands on her hips and arms making sure she was steady and safe; he'd kissed her neck before kissing her lips, and he had tasted like the sea, he had tasted like freedom.

She wanted to be free, and she let the sea take care of her, savoring the way it caressed her skin, like fingertips brushing over her arms, bandaging her wounds.

She was free until strong arms wrapped her from behind, her back hitting somebody's chest, a warm and hard body making her shiver.

"Bloody hell, Emma!" A voice shouted in her ear before he grabbed her under the arms and pulled her away from the waves, holding her close, her body colliding with Killian's almost violently, his warmth in stark contrast with the coldness of the sea.

* * *

Walking backward, Killian held her in his arms, her feet not even touching the sand; what the hell was she thinking, going to the ocean like that when facing it had always been complicated and a challenge.

When he had seen her almost drowning, not fighting the sea, not moving but letting the ocean swallow her, Killian's blood had run cold, his heart started racing and he went after her, not caring about the coldness of the sea. For a moment, short though it was, Killian had feared he would lose her to the wild sea, hoping, praying he would arrive in time.

"What the hell is wrong with you, Swan?" He shouted and turned her around, his necklace clapping against her collarbone, his hands running over her face, pushing away a lock of wet hair from her eyes. "Are you insane?"

Emma looked away as if she were in a dream, only able to hold his gaze for even a moment; she breathed out his name but didn't pull away from him as he had expected her to, considering their last encounter.

Killian framed her face between his palms and Emma was shaking in his arms, so he didn't think, he just embraced her tightly and kissed first her cheek and then temple. He was so happy that she was safe and not hurt; the wetness of their clothes made them shiver and Killian kept her where she was, trying to warm her as best as he could. Since he wasn't one to deny her anything, when Emma buried her nose in the crook of his neck, Killian tightened his arms around her.

"What were you thinking?" He asked her again, his voice finally steady and not shaking anymore although his hands still were, rubbing her back and trying to make her stop trembling; she was so cold he could hear her teeth chattering, so it took her a moment to answer him.

Killian thought he sensed her breathing him in like oxygen, but maybe he was just dreaming; after all, the last time they had talked she had slapped him, and the contrast with that moment was shocking, but he wasn't complaining.

It was more than nice to be able to hold her like that, without holding back.

"I… I wanted to face the sea on my own", her voice came from afar, distant and dreamy and yet he could hear something hopeful in her tone.

What she told him sounded like a confession, especially because Emma wasn't even looking at him but at something over his shoulder, and Killian feared she was talking about the whole wedding thing; he had understood that Emma was not feeling it, but now, seeing her so free, so careless, so… relieved, he couldn't quite shake the feeling that she was finally ready.

Ready to let go of whatever was holding her back.

To love completely and wholly.

_She looked free._

Emma finally looked at him, green and blue locking together, and Killian read a lot of things in those bright eyes, things he hadn't thought he would see again; he could read her like the open book she was.

And yet, even now, Emma couldn't seem to find her words so Killian pulled away, offering her his hand and smiling at her.

"Dance with me."

"What?" Emma shook her head and arched a brow, surprised by his request but still giving him her hand.

"Just dance with me lass."

"There's no music", she told him, but still draped an arm over his shoulder when Killian pulled her closer, cheek against cheek, his left hand holding her too cold one, his right one resting on her waist.

"There's still the ocean. And you owe me a dance."

Emma straightened to look up at him, her eyes seeking an answer Killian wasn't willing to give her, not out loud, not when the sound of the sea crashing against the beach was covering their words.

They danced to the melody of the sea, something they both used to love; the proof was the number of nights they had spent together just like this.

It was only when you lost everything that you realized how precious the things you had were.

Killian closed his eyes and breathed in her perfume, and for the first time since he came for the wedding Emma and him were close again, just like old times, just like the way it had always been; in that moment, he didn't mind the water wetting their feet, or Emma's hair brushing his cheek and tickling his nose.

"I'm sorry for slapping you", Emma whispered against his shoulder. "It was wrong."

Killian pressed his cheek against the top of her head and sighted, squeezing her hand gently.

"It's okay, I deserved it", he said, his arm around her waist holding her tighter. "I was an ass."

"You were right all along", she said and Killian felt her wipe her tears on his shirt, so he pressed a kiss in her hair, wanting her to know that it was alright.

"Emma, it's okay."

He didn't care about the time, about manners or the place or the events; Killian just kissed her temple gently, feeling her relax in his arms

"I'm sorry for everything. What I did to you..."

The need to look at her was strong, but Killian remained where he was, still making them dance, and even twirling her around, Emma laughing at the motion; their eyes met briefly, just for long enough to send an electroshock through his system.

"Why are you here, Emma?" He couldn't help but ask.

She hid her face in his neck, cheek pressed against his shoulder.

"I wanted to know if I could face the sea on my own, without your help."

Killian took the information and nodded, trying to process it and understand what she meant, but Emma didn't give him time.

"I needed to face it alone, and if I could do it, it would have meant that I could face everything."

"Did you succeed?" He dared to ask, the words hesitating on the tip of his tongue, like it was a matter of life and death.

Emma tilted her head, resting her cheek against his and breathing him in longingly.

"You pulled me out of the sea before I could really face it."

"Maybe I should throw you over my shoulder and take you back to the ocean."

"Would you really do that?" Emma asked solemnly, her hand on his shoulder tightening its grip.

Killian turned his head so he could see her from the corner of his eye, his lips only a breath away from hers.

"Never."

Emma looked back at him, the tension making her laugh, and pressed her forehead against his cheek, her lips brushing over his jaw.

"I always knew without knowing it."

"Knowing what?"

"That you would never let me drown."

"Did you ever doubt it?" Killian asked with all the seriousness of the world, his eyes locking with hers intensely; the hand he was holding brushed over his knuckles oh so gently, Emma biting her lips nervously and staring at the sea behind him.

"Never, I knew you would catch me… It was not you, it was me I doubted."

"Why?"

He heard her take a deep breath, her chest pressed against his own, her chin resting on his shoulder.

"Remember when I told you about Neal?"

"Your ex-lover", Killian replied, remembering an old conversation they had had on this very same beach, when Emma had told him about Neal and how he broke her heart. 'That's why your father isn't a fan of me."

"No, it's because you're a jerk", Emma joked, laughing in his neck a little before returning to the painful subject of Neal. "He left me."

"I know."

Killian squeezed her hand, knowing how painful it was for her to talk about him, even after all those years; he knew Emma didn't love him anymore, but the feeling of not being somebody worth staying for was still there, somewhere, like a ghost in her eyes.

Something he hadn't seen since he had brought her back on the beach, like a weight had lifted from her shoulders, eyes sparkling with something new.

Hope.

"I was scared, scared that you'd leave me too", she murmured the words so softly that Killian had to make sure he hadn't dreamed them, but Emma shifted in his arms and made a move to let go of his hand, like she was ashamed and his touch was burning her, but he kept her where she was, holding her tenderly; he wasn't leaving.

He had never left her.

"Emma", Killian closed his eyes and leaned a little bit more against her, breathing the perfume in her hair. "I never left you, you… you were the one to leave me."

"I know, I know, believe I know", she said, shook her head and pulled away; this time, Killian didn't fight her. Emma rubbed her forehead with her hand, looking away from him, staring at the sand. "I… I was scared you would end up leaving me too."

Killian arched a brow, shocked.

"How could you-"

"I was scared, okay?" Emma said, her voice a little bit higher, almost breaking. "What if you woke up one day and realized I wasn't enough for you? What if you realized that this", she pointed at him and then at her, "wasn't what you wanted. I couldn't live with that fear, I... I couldn't take waking up in a cold and lonely bed and seeing you gone."

Killian's mouth opened; he had known something was wrong, he'd known that she was scared of something, but he couldn't figure out what it was.

"I survived it once, I can't…", she trailed off and wiped her tears angrily. "I wouldn't survive it twice."

"Emma...", Killian tried to come to her but Emma stopped him by raising her hands in front of her.

"Let me finish. I have to get it out", Emma's jaw clenched hard, tears pearling at the corners of her eyes, and Killian wanted only one thing, to wipe them away and hold her; he could see her armor shattering to pieces so she could let him in, finally, but he didn't want her to lose herself in the process. "What if I wasn't enough again? I couldn't live with the fear of you leaving me, I couldn't, so yeah, I ran away like a coward, because that was the only way, because... because those feelings were killing me... I couldn't be without you, I wouldn't survive you leaving me and God knows how much I wanted to hate you for making me so fragile, so vulnerable, for being at your mercy!"

Emma turned around to catch a breath, her body trembling from the sobs and the cries, hiding her tears from him; he could hear her gasping for breath, just like when he had pulled her out of the ocean

It was like she was drowning again, and he wasn't able to take it anymore; not caring if she would reject him, he embraced her from behind, pressing his lips against her hair, and thankfully, she didn't push him away but leaned against him, her hands resting over his.

She finally took a deep and steady breath.

She was out of the sea.

Safe.

"I won't ever leave you, Emma; you were the one who left and when you came back to me, I… I thought you were there to stay… You're the one who left me, I was the one to wake up in a cold bed, thinking you went for a jog, thinking we would be okay."

There was no accusation in his voice, just the hard, cold truth because Killian was over the anger, fighting that memory, wanting to let it go.

But never to let go of her.

"I found the ring."

That, he hadn't expected.

"So why did you run?"

If she had found the ring why had she ran away from him, why had she decided to marry Graham the next morning, why being scared, why running away from him and taking his heart in the process, and all his hopes.

"I… I was scared, and definitely wasn't ready for that."

"But you said yes to Graham", his voice came sharp and rough, pain underlining each word because knowing she hadn't been able to picture herself with him, but she did with Graham was like a knife in his gut.

She had said no and he hadn't even had a chance to propose.

Killian wasn't holding her to comfort her anymore, he was holding onto her, fearing that the pain would make his knees give up on him.

Emma must have sensed his change of demeanor because she turned around in his arms and took his hands in hers.

"It's not what you think." Her eyes held his stare, her lips curling into a sad smile. "I… I wanted to marry you but then it would be even worse if you left me."

Instead of answering, Killian pulled her back to his arms, Emma fitting there so well, her head falling on his shoulder.

"I would have never left you", he said almost absentmindedly, his hand going up her back to tangle in her hair, something he had missed doing so much, trying to process her words, remembering the day when she had crushed his hopes all too well. Emma had found the ring and probably read what was on it, and she still decided to leave him.

Refusing the home he was offering her.

"Don't you get it? I wanted it all, you, us, together, I wanted it all. This is everything I've ever wanted and needed. _You _are what I want._" _

Emma chocked on a sob, tightening her arms around him.

"I'm sorry."

They were barely moving now, just remaining in each other arms.

"Are you going to leave me now?" He asked hesitantly, balancing his weight on one leg and then the other, lips caressing her ear, scared of the answer she was about to give him, feeling her tense and tremble in his arms. She tilted her head so her forehead was resting against his chin, her wet heir feeling nice against his too hot skin, reminding him how much shorter than him she was when she was barefoot.

"It's you. It's you", she told him. "I was too scared and too focused on my fears to realize that. I always knew it, but, you… you are my sea."

Emma lifted her chin to look at him.

"You're my sea, but I'm ready to face it." A grin appeared on her lips, hopeful and fragile at the same time. "Do… Do you want to face it with me?"

"It was always you, no matter where I went or with who I was, it's… you." She shook her head, her hand caressing the back of his own, scared of what he would say. "I'm sorry… this is…"

Killian lifted her in his arms and twirled her around, her feet leaving the beach as he held her firmly against him, water spreading around them and the waves hitting them as he walked them back into the sea, showering her neck with kisses before finally putting her down on her feet, his forehead against hers, his lips only ghosting over hers, not quite touching, noses brushing against each other.

"Tell me you're sure about this, tell me you're not going to leave again", he said in a pleading tone, his heart starting an incredible race in his chest.

It was all real.

"I'm not leaving, I'm not leaving you again." Emma cupped the back of his head, fingers playing with his hair. "I'm not going anywhere."

"I'm not going anywhere either; we can make this work if you stay with me, we can do it." Killian held her tighter, licking his lips nervously.

"Just stay with me."

Taking a step back, his eyes locked with hers, he spoke slowly, wanting, needing her attention.

"If you want this, with me, I won't let you go, I won't let you get scared ever again; I know what people say about me, I know your family isn't fond of me… I know what they think of me."

"Ariel." Emma cut him off with a slight touch of bitterness in her voice, the name hanging in the air between them for a moment but not creating a gap between them, their bodies leaning even closer to each other.

"I know", Killian breathed out, rubbing his forehead nervously; the red-haired girl had gotten out of his thoughts. "I was mad and I wasn't thinking straight when I brought her… I just wanted-"

"To hurt me the way I had hurt you", Emma finished for him, tilting her head to the side with a small smile on her lips. "I don't hold it against you, Killian, you have every right to-"

"And what about doing what feels right for both of us?" Killian stopped her, cupping her cheek and grinning when she pushed into his palm, drops of waters running down his arms from her hair. I'm not going anywhere."

Just like a promise, Emma pressed her lips against his, a vow left at the corner of his mouth, sealed with love; Killian tasted salt on her lips, something like the sea, and something like hope.

"I know we're not okay, I know this is going to be difficult, but together, yeah?"

Killian shook his head, not believing what was happening, his thumb brushing over her cheek again and again, wiping off drops of water falling down her face, tangling his fingers in her messy hair.

"We are going to make it through this."

"As long as you're here", Emma said vehemently, rising on her tiptoes. "We will make it work."

"So tomorrow we face the whole world?"

Emma nodded, then frowned, probably counting everything they would have to do tomorrow; telling Graham, her parents, her whole family and calling off the wedding.

Granny was definitely going to kill him. If David hadn't already done it before he had a chance to.

With the tip of his finger, Killian tried to smooth her forehead.

"Leave it for tomorrow, tonight let's not think about the whole mess waiting for us, tonight we're alone."

To punctuate his words, Killian kissed her palm, not caring a second about the ring she was still wearing.

He wore a promise on his lips and she was smiling at him with bright shining eyes.

"Together", Emma concluded, taking his hand in hers, lacing their fingers together and holding on, before walking them to the sea; there was a beautiful smile playing on her lips, her hair dancing in the wind. "Let's go swimming?"

"You won't ever stop to amaze me, Emma Swan."

She laughed, cocking her head and looking at him over her shoulder.

"Are you scared?"

"Me?" Killian arched a brow, grinning devilishly. "Never."

And in one quick motion, an arm under her knees and the other around her waist, he lifted her up in his arms, carrying her to the sea, Emma cracking with laughter, holding him tightly as Killian ran.

"Don't drop me!"

Killian kissed her head, the water coming to his knees now, and tightened his arms around her, admiring how peachy her cheeks were, falling for her all over again, just like the day they had met.

"If you fall, I fall", he said before letting both of them fall, Emma safe in his arms.

_Free._

* * *

Killian woke up early, not opening his eyes but smiling at the sensation of a warm body pressed against his; even though sand was stuck to his clothes, driving him crazy, he wouldn't have moved for nothing in the world.

Last night, after swimming in the ocean for a while, they had laid on the beach, falling asleep in each other arms; they had come to the conclusion that they needed to take things slowly, and since that kiss she had given him, Killian hadn't really dared to kiss her, which was probably a wise decision since she was still engaged.

But pushing away the thought of the long day waiting for them, Killian kissed her shoulder, taking a moment to admire how beautiful she was, even when she was scrunching her nose like a mouse when his lips landed on it.

"Hey, beautiful."

"I would hardly consider myself beautiful now; I probably look like a mess."

"Beautiful."

"Biased", Emma said with a smile, rolling almost on top of him; she rested on her side but with her head on his chest, probably remembering what they had said. "But good morning to you too, handsome."

"I could say you're biased too, you know."

"Shut up and let me sleep", Emma groaned, kissing his jaw. "Killian?"

"Yeah, love?"

"I need to talk to Graham", she said seriously, the hand that had been caressing her shoulder stopped at the mention of his ex-best friend.

"I need to talk to him too", he started caressing her shoulder again, Emma tensing and supporting herself on her elbow so she could meet his gaze.

"I don't need you to fight my battles, I can handle myself."

"I know that, but he's my friend, despite everything, and I need to talk to him; it's not about you and him, it's about me and Graham."

"I don't know if that's a good idea."

Half-sitting up, Killian lifted her chin to him.

"Hey, I just want to talk to him, but only when you have told him, unless you want me to come with you."

Emma shook her head, the ghost of a smile on her lips.

"No, I need to talk to him, alone", she pushed him on his back with her hand so she could lay on top of him. "But it's nice of you to offer to come with me."

"For you, lass, anything", Killian whispered, his hands going around her middle, holding her tight, never ceasing to be amazed how perfectly she fit in his arms.

"We have to go", Emma sighed, her whole body saying otherwise, her nose pressed against his shoulder, her fingers tracing patterns over his chest, again and again, breathing in and out, just like he was.

"I know", Killian whispered in her hair, dropping a kiss on the top of her head.

"But I'm leaving to come back to you."

Those words made Killian close his eyes so he could process them, letting them turn and turn around in his head, dancing behind his lids; coming back, they had came back to each other and they were going to make it.

Together.

So when time came for them to let go again, his hand caressed hers, his lips left a kiss against her forehead, Emma took his other hand to kiss his knuckles, then kissed his cheek, and Killian wasn't scared of seeing her walk away from him, hair dancing in the wind, her shoes in her hand.

A ring on her finger but not for much longer.

She was leaving.

To come back to him.

* * *

On her way home, Emma was trying to figure out how to get it over with as fast as possible; Graham deserved to be told the truth, as hard and hurtful it was, so Emma remained calm, jumping up the stairs leading to the house, then turning around to catch sight of Killian, walking on the beach, too far away from her but still really close, the ghost of his warmth next to her still too present.

God, she needed a big cup of coffee before facing Graham.

Waiting for the water to boil, Emma looked at her hand and the ring she was wearing, turning it around her finger absentmindedly and realizing she was really uncomfortable wearing it.

_Forever_ written inside it was burning her skin.

The sooner she talked to Graham, the better, and it had nothing to do with the fact that Killian was waiting for her, probably, maybe, or so she hoped, talking to Ariel. Of course, Emma trusted him on that, but she didn't know Ariel at all; last time Emma had seen her, as in really seen her, was when Killian had kissed her, and it was a memory she would be glad to forget.

She just hoped Ariel wasn't the kind of girl to want drama, although she wouldn't really blame her for wanting to keep Killian; she had that look in her eyes, needing, wanting, craving. There was no doubt that Ariel wanted him, despite Killian's nonchalance.

"Emma?"

Her father entered the room wearing his pajamas, his eyes still a little sleepy as he walked toward his daughter; he kissed her forehead in a fatherly and tender gesture, his hand brushing her hair away from her face, which made him notice the messy curls and the sand in her tresses.

"Have you been to the beach?"

Emma turned around, almost spilling her coffee, rapidly asking him if he wanted a cup.

"Yes, thank you," David replied, his hand reaching for hers to stop her in her breakfast preparation. "Are you okay, princess?"

Emma nodded too quickly and her father didn't miss that.

"Did you sleep on the beach?" He looked astonished, taking two steps back to look through the window, and Emma froze when he saw Killian passing by, unaware what was happening when he went back to his spare room.

David stared at her with his mouth hanging open, gesturing to the window and the beach.

"What happened? Do I need to punch him in the face? Although, you did quite a good job yesterday with that slap."

"You and Jeff taught me how to punch", she laughed, trying to change the subject, talking to her father about Killian wasn't something Emma was thrilled about.

"That's my girl", her father said with pride before his features tensed again, brows furrowed with worry. "What's going on, Emma? Did you…?"

"Yeah, but it's not what you think." Emma walked around him, grabbing the sugar pot and adding a generous spoon of it to her coffee before leaning against the counter, her hot mug in her hands. "We just talked. About us", she added after he gave her a confused look, then took a long sip of her drink, burning her tongue with it. "I love him, dad."

"And Graham?"

David crossed his arms, which would have been quite scary if he wasn't wearing pajamas, but because of the comical situation, Emma remained calm.

"I'm going to talk to him."

"Are you sure about that?"

"I'm sure about Killian, dad, he loves me." Emma settled the mug on the counter, rubbing her arms. "I'm sure."

"Graham loves you too, and so did _he." _

Emma froze at the mention of her first lover, her dad closing the gap between them and resting his hands on her shoulders.

"I just want you to find a man deserving of you, the one who will take care of you and won't hurt you. I should… I should have kicked that bastard's ass for hurting-"

"Dad." Emma stopped him, grabbing his hand. "I'm okay now, I'm over it, and you couldn't have known about… about _him. _Don't worry about me."

David laughed.

"We both know I'm always going to worry about you, honey, you're my baby girl." He took a curl between his fingers and put it behind her ear. "I just want you to be happy with someone who deserves you."

"I love him", Emma said with passion, smiling and resting her cheek in her father's palm. "He's more than I could wish for."

Her father pressed a kiss to her forehead before pulling her in for a hug, commenting on the sand in her hair and telling her she needs a shower.

"Can I ask you why?" David said after a while, pulling away from her.

"Why what?"

"You got engaged with Graham and now you're telling me you want to be with Killian, whom if I remember you ended things with."

His voice was soft and not judging, only caring.

"Graham is amazing and I do love him but..."

"But it's Killian you love and want", David finished for her, caressing her cheek and nodding, sighing heavily at the idea of the son in law he wasn't fond of. "I guess it was to be expected."

"What? I thought you didn't like him."

"I do not like the man himself, too cocky and arrogant but… I think… And don't make me say it twice, that he's good for you."

Emma's eyes widened considerably, her jaw dropping as she stared at her father, blinking in surprise.

"He loves you, even I can see it, and just looking at you, I can see that you're happy."

"How do you know for sure?" Emma cocked her head to the side, a challenging smile on her lips, almost forgetting that she still has to face about Graham.

"Daddy thing; it's a secret", he said and ruffled her hair. "God, go take a shower, sweetie, you stink like the sea."

Emma laughed and kissed his cheek, raising on her tip toes, wondering why all the men in her life had to be so tall, the meaning of his sentence finding an echo within her.

He had no idea how much she smelled like the sea.

"Emma?"

"Yeah, dad?" Emma turned on her heel in a twirl of curls, sand falling on her shoulder; she definitely needed a shower before talking to Graham.

"I will kick his ass if he hurts you."

"I know," Emma grinned. "He won't, believe me, if anyone needs to get her ass kicked, it's me. I hurt him a lot, and I'm lucky to have him; you have no idea."

David looked like he just got hit with a revelation, curious and a little bit worried.

"He waited didn't he?"

"Forever", Emma replied with a smile before heading to the bathroom.

* * *

She took great care not to wake up anyone, the house still deeply asleep, so she opened the door slowly, locking it immediately; when she pressed her back against the heavy wood the weight on her shoulders lifted, and she went to stand in front of the mirror.

Her cheeks were rosy, probably from both love and stress, and her father was right about her hair because it was a real mess, a lot of knots in it, making it look like a nest; finding a bird in it wouldn't be surprising, she thought, and laughed at herself. Emma had sand in her hair and on her shoulder, which she brushed off quickly before taking off her clothes. She paused before stepping into the shower, her eyes on the ring at her finger, her brows furrowing; Killian was nowhere near to smooth her features with his finger or bring a smile to her face, but she thought of him, of her with him, of Graham, probably asleep in their bed, probably waiting for her since last night though she doubted he had any idea of what was going on.

The ring felt heavy, too heavy and not hers, and with a sad smile, Emma took it off, before setting it carefully on the counter.

It was surprising how very free that made her feel, the feeling almost flooring her, as if a curse just broke, a promise of a happy ending almost reached, even though the most important battle was still to be won, the one of fixing their hearts.

Shaking herself out of her reverie, Emma stepped into the shower, delighted when the hot water fell on her skin, washing the sand out of her hair and from her body, taking with it the wound of the battle she had fought tonight, against ghosts, for love and for freedom.

* * *

Ariel had not said much when Killian finished his speech, a pretty short one if he was honest; they had only exchanged a kiss, nothing more, nothing less, no promise or fake hope was given. He had never meant to hurt her, he tried to explain, the joy she had expressed when she'd seen him coming back to their room completely gone now, but she raised her chin, tried to put a brave smile on her face before nodding shakily, bravely making herself kiss his cheek.

Who knew, maybe in another realm, in another time, maybe they would have worked quite well together; that was what Killian wanted to tell her, to make things better, but he held back the words just in time, realizing that it would be lying if he said something like that; what would have been the point of such a lie except giving her false hope?

There was no realm he could see himself in with someone other than Emma.

Nevertheless, he kept that for himself, watching Ariel leave the room, her suitcase rolling soundly in the corridor; she had even asked him to send her regards to Graham but not to Emma, and Killian heard a touch of bitterness in her voice.

Killian let it go, waiting a moment to put some distance between them before walking in the direction of the living room at last, fighting the urge to rush into Emma's room; he simply refused to call it _their _room.

He crossed paths with Granny who was holding a plate with several types of croissants, hot and delicious judging by the smell; Butter and Sunday mornings led his thoughts to Emma, the person who had made him discover breakfast in bed.

Smiling childishly, he took a croissant, and it tasted divine.

"Oi, you!" Granny groaned, pointing a finger at him, her eyes narrowed dangerously. "Don't touch before the breakfast is ready."

Killian shot her a smile and ate the croissant anyway, his mouth already full when she called him out.

"Didn't your mother tell you it's wasn't right to steal pastry?"

"I hardly think that eating a croissant is considered as a crime." Killian arched a brow, a cocky grin on his face. "But you're probably right, since I had no mother to tell me what's right and what's wrong."

That, for once, left the old woman completely speechless. Savoring the confused and remorseful look on her face, Killian finished his pastry, before he shrugged and let her off the hook.

"It's okay, relax, I'm used to it."

"I'm sorry, Killian", Granny retorted, her expression smoothing considerably; coming from a woman like her, it was really impressive.

"No harm done", he waved away her apologizes, but he was still quite pleased that for once, Emma's family was realizing that they had been judging him a little bit too hard.

"Another one?"

"Don't push my patience, Jones. You will have one when the breakfast is served for everyone", Granny shot back, but a smirk joined her remark, making Killian laugh.

Victor must be having a hard time with her; dating Ruby couldn't be piece of cake.

Killian's eyes wandered over the living room, staring at the pictures of Emma and Jeff when they were younger. Jefferson had been his friend for a while before he had met Emma, probably six years or longer, but he never even mentioned his sister. His friend wasn't really a talkative person, and Killian suspected Jefferson didn't trust him with Emma, which in the end had turned out to be a legitimate concern, since Killian had completely lost his mind the moment his eyes had landed on Emma.

Too bad that most of her family had thought she was just a simple flirt for him.

During the time they were together, Killian had to stand up for them and explain them over and over again and tell them that he wasn't going anywhere; he could count on Emma, Jefferson and Grace's support of course, but David Nolan kept eying him at every dinner, worried that Killian would hurt Emma before the dessert was served.

Killian respected the man, and admired how protective he was of his family; it wasn't a secret that after what had happened to Emma, David had decided to look after her more than usual, watching Killian's every move.

He would have taken off a sword mounted to the wall in the dining room and killed Killian if he dared hurting a hair on his baby girl's head.

It wasn't just Emma that Neal had hurt by leaving her high and dry, but the whole family because they had all welcomed Neal with open arms; he was Emma's first love, somebody she had met at seventeen and fell in love with at first sight. It was Jefferson who had told Killian the story once over beers after having an awkward talk with Emma, during which she had confided in him and Jefferson couldn't keep what Neal had done to himself.

Everyone was feeling guilty for not seeing it coming; Neal had run away taking with him bits of Emma's heart, leaving her broken.

He had cheated on her with another woman, after promising her the sky and the stars.

Emma used to say Killian had fixed her heart.

It turned out he hadn't, but Neal wasn't haunting her anymore; Killian smiled because of what had happened a while earlier, Emma's bright green eyes locking with his, and his alone, Neal's ghost nowhere to be found.

Breathing heavily, his heart not wanting to slow down, Killian decided to go upstairs where Emma and Graham were talking, the need to be there almost unbearable; he trusted her and still trusted Graham, but the idea of something that important going on without him was driving him crazy.

He wasn't even at on top of the stairs when he ran into Mary Margaret; she was wearing a bathrobe, her hands closed on the lapels, keeping her warm.

"Good morning, Ma'am Nolan", he said, feeling awkwardly uncomfortable around her, knowing what was happening, _because of him, _just a few steps away from them.

"Don't you think it's time for you to call me Mary Margaret? You're part of the family, Killian", Emma's mother spoke with a smile, passing by him and resting her hand on his shoulder.

Before going further down, Mary Margaret cocked her head to the side and looked at him.

"It's nice to have you back", she said, her tone enigmatic, as if she knew a secret Killian wasn't aware of, and for no apparent reason, it made him smile back.

Killian was waiting in the corridor, asking himself if he should stay there where everyone could see him, or if he should just open the door and talk to Graham. Emma wouldn't like it, she had been really clear on that point because this was something she needed to do on her own, fighting her own battles, but just because Emma could wear her own armor didn't mean Killian couldn't be there for her.

She didn't have to be alone in this.

Together, they had promised to each other.

After what felt like an eternity, the door finally opened, and Emma paused when she saw him standing there, fighting the smile that wanted to curl on her lips. Over her shoulder, Killian could see Graham sitting on the bed, focused on something he was holding; when Killian's gaze fell on Emma's hand, he noticed that the engagement ring she used to wear was now gone.

"I need to talk to him", Killian murmured only for Emma, wanting to grab her hand more than ever, but it was neither the right place or the time; they would have plenty more moments, ones that would feel right.

"I know", Emma nodded, briefly glancing back at Graham, then turning to him again. "I will see you later, okay?"

The hesitation in her voice would have been adorable if their past hadn't been marked by scars and fears of being left behind, and it broke his heart that Emma was still asking him if he was staying, still wondering if this was for good. This time, he didn't think twice; he reached for her hand, although he made sure Graham wasn't looking first, and then squeezed it gently, still not lacing their fingers together but at least telling her in silence that he wasn't going anywhere.

It was just a storm, nothing else, just another storm they would make through, his hand in hers, just like that morning in the ocean.

It was just a storm.

Emma seemed to understand because her smile widened and she gripped his fingers a little bit more firmly before letting go of him, leaving him alone with Graham.

"You can come in", his old friend told him, not looking at him when Killian walked in and sat on the chair in front of him.

There was an awkward silence between them for a long moment; Killian had thought the words would come to him easily, that he would find a way to ease Graham's pain, but then he remembered that he hadn't been able to deal with his own when Emma had left him.

"I guess I should have expected it", Graham spoke softly, surprising Killian because he had expected his friend to be mad at him, just like Killian had been mad at him the day he had called.

"I'm sorry."

"You're not", Graham laughed, still staring at the floor, or maybe it was the ring in his hand; Killian couldn't tell.

"No, I'm not. But it doesn't mean I'm happy for you, Graham."

"But are you happy?"

Graham finally looked up, the ring still rolling between his fingers. Killian straightened in his seat and shook his head, all cockiness gone. "I am. I love her, and you always knew it."

"Part of me tried to pretend it wasn't the case", Graham chuckled humorlessly, his gazee falling on the ring again. "I really wanted it to work."

"I know."

"So in the end you were right, you got the girl", Graham stood up and walked around what used to be his and Emma's bed, and Killian jumped on his feet and followed him.

"I didn't get the girl, Graham. I don't think that's how it works… It's not about getting the girl or not, it's about... doing what feels right, I guess."

"So you thought that having sex with my fiancé just before the wedding was the right thing to do?" Graham's voice was incredibly uneven but Killian still took a step backward.

"I'm not a saint, Graham. What did you expect from me when you asked me to be your best man?" Killian tried to keep his tone as casual as possible, not wanting to wake up the whole house with a fight. Granny had let him off the hook easily, and he wasn't going to risk his luck twice in the same day.

"Definitely not that."

Killian shrugged, pinching his nose between two fingers.

"Listen, I'm not here to fight-"

"So what do you want then? Why are you here?" Graham asked, his hand closing into a fist around the ring.

"To talk to you, to tell you I'm sorry" Killian said and put his hands on his hips. "I've never wanted you to get hurt, but you knew what was happening between Emma and I, you knew my feelings for her, God, you knew how much she meant to me."

"I'm not sure I want to talk about this", Graham waved off the subject with his hand, then rubbed his scruff, before turning to meet Killian's gaze. "Are you going to marry her?" He asked with a laugh, but Killian saw how his knuckles turned white when he asked the question.

"Not for now", Killian said without hesitation. Talking to Graham about his future with Emma wasn't the point of this conversation. "But in the future I guess I am."

His old friend just nodded, receiving the information without flinching.

"Graham, I know things between us haven't always been easy but, believe me, I've never wanted this to end like this."

"You mean, you and Emma together?"

"No, you being hurt because of us", Killian replied. "I'm sorry for that, I really am."

"Please don't lie to me; you were saying she wasn't for me since the beginning", Graham said, anger starting to fill his voice, his hands shaking at his sides.

"And I wasn't wrong was I?" Killian snapped back; he didn't want a fight, but he wasn't going to bend down either. "God, Graham, you jumped at the opportunity to date her as soon as she was free."

"I was her friend", Graham corrected, shaking an angry finger at him. "I was there for her."

"Bullshit! You saw a way in and you went for it; you knew about us, you knew what was happening, you knew she was everything to me and you still went to her."

"She was my friend! I wanted to help her when you were gone!"

"And did you have any idea why?" Killian took a step forward, his heart hammering in his ears. "She was the one to leave me, she was the one to break up things with me!"

"I ..." Graham started but Killian cut him off, not letting him say anything.

"You knew I was a mess, you knew it and you didn't even bother come check up on me!"

A heavy silence fell around them; they were just staring at each other for a long moment, Graham blinking at Killian's revelation.

"So this is what it's all about..."

"Bloody hell it is! You were my friend, and where were you? You were hitting on Emma, making her yours. You knew she was the love of my life, you knew it and it didn't stop you from asking me to be your best man."

"I thought you'd be happy for me!" Graham growled, taking a step so they were almost chest to chest, Killian a little bit shorter than him.

"How was I supposed to be happy for you?! Are you that naïve Graham? Naive to the point that you'd think I would be happy that you're marrying the love of my life? Think about it one minute buddy… you didn't have the kindness to call me for months, and the moment you finally pick up the phone, it's to tell me you're marrying Emma."

"I wanted you to be there for me", Graham said, then went to the wardrobe and took out a black box and put the ring back in it; there was a pregnant pause between them that lingered until Graham finally decided to break the heavy silence.

"Listen", he looked at the ceiling and at the wall behind Killian, then met the gaze of his once upon a time friend. "I do know it wasn't okay, I was just so happy..."

His voice broke in the middle of the sentence, a faint smile on his face when he sat down on the bed; Killian sighted and joined him, shoulder next to Graham's.

"I know you were, I could hear it. You were happy, I can understand that."

"I'm sorry, Killian", Graham's hand rose up to his forehead, rubbing it nervously. "I was just lost in my own joy and I forgot about you."

"It's okay now... I guess. I don't hate you for it anymore; I get it, in a strange way I get it."

Graham nodded, looking at him from the corner of his eyes, a sad smile accompanying his apologizes.

"Hmmm," he breathed out painfully. "I need some fresh air. I think I'm going to leave for a while, maybe even the States… I'll go home to Ireland." He was talking fast now, running his fingers through his hair nervously. "I think I need a little time alone to process this."

Killian watched him walk around the room. "I don't want you to feel kicked out of the house because of me or because… of us."

Coming back to stand in front of him Graham offered what was supposed to be a smile. "I know, but I think this is for the best."

There was nothing left to say, nothing to hold him back with. "Graham? I really hope you're going to find your happiness."

"Maybe her happiness will be you?" Graham's nose wrinkled but he grinned as best he could.

"I'm counting on it."

* * *

Since she had seen Killian in the hallway, still feeling the brush of his fingers ghosting over her hand, Emma hadn't found a moment to talk to him, too busy explaining to everyone that the wedding was off and dealing with the questions, too many of them; why, how, why now.

Some people just rubbed Emma's shoulders gently, telling her it would be okay, Granny kept shooting her strange looks that Emma preferred not to analyze too closely, and Victor was avoiding her. At some point Emma would have to face him and talk to him too, since he was Killian's best friend and he was a part of his life, but she brushed away that problem for the moment.

One thing per day for now; once everything was done, once the storm was over, she and Killian are going to take their time to resolve their problems.

Together.

Emma smiled, remembering their promise, and even if it wasn't entirely appropriate, Emma couldn't stop herself from thinking about the moment she would finally be back in his arms.

Safe and sound.

"Emma?"

Ruby's melodic voice made her turn around, her best friend coming to her with a big smile on her red lips.

"Can I talk to you?"

Emma tilted her head to the side, an endearing expression on her face. "Of course, what is it?"

Instead of responding, Ruby took her hand and studied her bare fingers. "It was about time."

Emma arched a brow, mimicking Killian's insufferable way of doing it. "Why is nobody surprised?"

As if she had said something hilarious, Ruby burst out laughing, then wrapped an arm around Emma's shoulders, leading her away from the crowd. Looking around Emma saw Killian talking to Leroy; their conversation seemed to be animated, but Killian was grinning like an idiot, so maybe Leroy wouldn't try to cut his hand off with that big knife he was holding; was it already time for another barbecue?

"Emma", Ruby called her shaking her shoulders, and Emma apologized and pulled herself out of her reverie. "It's nice to see you smile like that", Ruby said, playing with one of Emma's curls. "It's nice to have my friend back… I know it wasn't easy because I'm with Victor and he's Killian's best friend, and I know I wasn't always there or supportive, and for that I'm sorry."

Ruby lowered her head and found a new interest in her toes.

"Ruby no…" Emma shook her head, grabbing her best friend by the shoulder, tilting her head to the side until their gazes locked. "If anyone is guilty here, it's me; I put distance between us, I see it now. We did talk, but..."

"But it wasn't the same", Ruby finished for her.

"It's not you", Emma squeezed her hand. "It was my fault, I turned my back to so many people..."

"Shhh, let's not talk about it", Ruby cut her off. "Or at least not now. Can't we just be happy that you finally got your head straight, or should I say your heart?"

"Why the hell is everyone acting like it was that obvious?" Emma laughed, but found herself holding back when she remembered that somewhere, Graham was hurting and-

"By the way, where is red hair?"

Emma blinked twice before understand Ruby's question. "She left early this morning."

Ariel had left the house with her chin up and her hands weren't even shaking when she came to Emma and told her not to screw Killian again and break his heart, nevertheless wishing them happiness.

"So he's yours."

"I think..." Emma trailed off as she caught the sight of Killian's back, wanting to reach for him so badly. "I think it's not about being each other's… we… we are the same." She said dazedly, her eyes never once leaving Killian; it was barely the afternoon, just a few hours since they had talked, since they had been together, but after months apart, it felt like an eternity.

"That you are. Killian just told Victor; he's happy for you two."

Emma's brows arched upward. "Really? I thought he hated me."

"Yeah, I know, but he doesn't, really, he's just overprotective when it comes to his baby Jones." Ruby rolled her eyes, taking Emma by the arm and walking in the direction of the beach. "I could almost be jealous of how worried he is about him. Honestly, those two are impossible." She gave a tug on Emma's hand. "Don't worry about Victor, he's going to come around; he doesn't hate you, he's just stubborn."

"If you say so."

"Don't worry; if he doesn't behave I will kick his ass", Ruby laughed in her ear. "I know he likes you a lot, but he just wants to make sure his best friend is okay."

"I can't blame him for that."

"Emmaaaa!"

Grace came running toward them, jumping around Emma's neck and almost making her loose her balance, but Emma secured her with an arm around her waist and sifted her brown hair between her fingers.

"You're not getting married?" The girl asked with a touch of hope in her voice, making Emma smile; there were stars in Grace's eyes because she still believed in true love and happily ever after, in fairytales and pixies.

"I'm not, see?" Emma waved her hand between Grace and her. "I don't have a ring anymore."

Grace took her hand and examined Emma's fingers, tracing her knuckles with a sweet smile.

"Does that mean you're marrying uncle Killy?"

Emma exchanged an amused look with Ruby. "I'm not."

"But you love him, don't you?"

"I- I do, sweetcheeks", Emma reassured her, emotions making her voice tremble. "But that doesn't mean we're getting married… I'm honestly tired of weddings for the time being."

Grace didn't seem to like that answer very much. "But he loves you."

"Yeah, but he doesn't need a wedding to prove that", Emma assured her, then kissed her cheeks before setting her down on her feet. "We don't need it to be happy."

Chewing her lip, Grace thought about it for a moment, her brows furrowing before she shrugged. "I'm going to ask Killy", she said, turned on her heel and ran to Killian and Leroy.

"Gracie, no, wait!" Emma tried to catch her, horrified because she didn't want Killian to think she was trying to trap him into putting a new ring on her finger; it was way too soon to talk about that. Ruby grabbed her arms to keep her where she was, and Emma shot her a dark look.

"Just let him handle it. He's not a fool; he knows you wouldn't want that now", her best friend explained, pointing at Killian and Grace, who he had taken in his arms, listening to her talk. Emma hid her face behind her hands, not wanting to see that. She was going to kill Ruby.

"Oh God, is she asking him about babies?" Ruby's voice rose, and she poked Emma in the arm, making her look up with horror to find them just hugging and laughing, Killian whispering a secret in Grace's ear.

"Relax, I just wanted you to see them. Just look at them, they are so cute, and he's not mad or running away screaming at the top of his lungs."

Ruby was right, Killian was smiling and he looked happy, no tension in his features or body; his grin was cheerful and he was tickling Grace, making her giggle. Victor joined them and ruffled her hair, and Jeff's daughter seemed to be pleased to receive so much attention from the guys, and what Killian was telling her seemed to be really interesting, judging by how captivated with him she was.

"He's amazing with her", Ruby commented, making Emma's grin even wider.

"He is, and so is Victor."

And it was at that moment that Killian looked up, his gaze meeting hers, a ghost of a smile on his lips as he held Grace tighter, something shining in his eyes, something that made her heart melt and fly at the same time.

"Oh God, Swan, we're going soft, what's happening to us?" Ruby poked her gently before turning them away from the boys. They went for a walk on the beach, finally alone, the wind coming from the sea, brushing against their cheeks and making them both shiver.

"I think it's about bloody time."

"Oh God, now you sound just like him," Ruby rolled her eyes comically, before stopping Emma to face her. "Are you okay?" She asked with obvious worry. "How did it go with Graham?"

"Well…" Emma trailed off, a smile disappearing from her face. "It wasn't easy, but he was too good, as always, full of understanding, he… he told me he had expected it."

Ruby nodded, noticing that Emma wasn't really inclined to talk about it, at least not now; she squeezed her hand gently, telling her by that simple gesture that she understood.

"I hope he's going to be fine", Emma added absentmindedly, looking over Ruby's shoulder at the sea.

"You did the right thing Emma. He will be alright, just give him some time."

"I know."

"And oh thank God!" Ruby sighted with relief dramatically. "Those dresses you chose for the bridesmaids, or the ones your mother chose were horrible. Promise me to let me choose my own for your next wedding."

Emma laughed, shaking her head in disbelief at Ruby's candor.

"I promise."

* * *

The light of the sun was already dimming when Emma finally went back to the garden; Ruby had insisted on them walking and chatting just like old times, her best friend sharing with Emma her worries about Granny accepting Victor. With a wave of her hand, Emma had told her not to worry, that the old woman was probably just trying to make sure he would take care of her just like Emma's father had done with Killian.

Everyone was chatting at the table David had set outside so the few guests left could enjoy the warm night under the stars. Emma caught her mother's caring gaze briefly, and Mary Margaret tilted her head in the direction of the gazebo, Emma's body reacting instantly at the memory of what had happened there, not just a few days ago, but every time since the day she had met Killian.

It was their spot, and the last time she had been there, she had left Killian behind, running away like a coward.

It was time to change that.

Killian's back was facing her; he was leaning against one of the columns of the gazebo, chin up as he stared at the sky. Emma paused, loosing herself in the moment before her heartbeat started a race; it was like he hadn't moved since that morning, like he had stayed there waiting for her, and in a sense, he had.

He had been the one who always stayed, waiting patiently for her to come back to him, always hoping and having faith, and facing the sea with her; Emma could see him smiling when she approached him, his scent, his absurdly hypnotizing scent overwhelming her when she came close enough to touch, her hand daring to wrap around his bicep. Killian opened his arms and she stepped into his embrace, sighing when he pulled her against him and pressed a kiss on her forehead.

They might be broken, hurt, and seriously fucked up, full of fears and unhealed wounds, but neither Emma nor Killian doubted the future; whatever they had to face, the sea or the storm, or both at the same time, they could do it.

As long as they were together.

_They would face every storm together._

* * *

**I hope you liked it, the epilogue isn't going to be all wedding and babies, i hope you all understood that they are not okay, they're far from being okay and fine! Again, thank you so much for your support! Thanks to Irene, to Lexi for being so supportive, and as always thank you Montana for betaing so fast, for being there to kick my ass, and being so serious when I'm just trying to kill you with feels!**

**For those waiting for Six Times, I'm on it! It's a question of time! **

**Reviews?**


	5. Epilogue

David Nolan loved his Sunday just like that; his lovely wife wearing a nice dress, the tasty smell of the lunch that Mary Margaret had been cooking for two hours now, Jefferson coming early in the morning with Grace, so he could help them with the lunch, their granddaughter always so pleased to give a hand and spend some time with her grandmother.

But what he loved most in those Sundays, those particular Sundays, was that his family was back together.

His son at his left, laughing with him about their favorite baseball team, his wife's caring gaze as she just stayed there watching them talk, and Grace, talking about her ballet classes and how she dreamt to be a ballerina one day, (although taking care of pandas in a zoo would be nice too) which made Mary Margaret go all mushy.

Those Sundays were the most perfect days for David Nolan, especially when they meant Emma was back home. He had never handled the distance Emma had put between them very well; he knew college was an important thing for her, but as the overprotective father he was, having her away from him was a hard thing to endure.

After all the mess that Neal Cassidy had created, having her home was rare; not only the man had broken her heart, but he had created a gap between them. Maybe Emma had blamed her father for not protecting her, for not seeing the danger, things David should have done, but failed at so spectacularly; not only Emma had dropped out of college and almost ruined her life in Portland, she had also lost herself along the way, coming over only twice a year, despite Mary Margaret's insistence on getting her back home. Jefferson, who used to go to the same college had tried to reassure them and smooth things down, telling them that Emma just needed some time to recover.

A part of him couldn't help but blame himself for not seeing it coming, for not being able to tell what was going to hurt her; on the contrary, David Nolan had opened his house and his arms to that man and even thought of him as another son, his attitude and manners had been charming at first and he had let himself fall for his act, giving his trust and most importantly his daughter's happiness, leaving it all in his hands.

What a great job he had done that day. If Neal Cassidy was the one to blame for hurting her and letting her down, David Nolan was guilty for not foreseeing it, no matter how many times Mary Margaret kept telling him it wasn't his fault.

But that was behind them now; Emma was back home, safe and sound, and even if he profoundly hated to say it, he had to thank Killian Jones for bringing his daughter home. Emma was sitting at his right, her hand in Killian's, surprising for a woman like her; he still had a hard time referring to her as such because for him, she would always be his baby girl, who wasn't really fond of public demonstrations of affection.

Maybe it was time to change.

His own opinion on Killian had changed considerably when he realized how much Killian was important to Emma, something that he had, so far, refused to see but had been forced to when he had seen her so distraught during the wedding and how Killian Jones had brought a smile on her lips, her whole body seeming to relax at the man's closeness. Killian Jones wasn't the perfect son in law, but he was able to bring Emma to her brightest, something David had missed a lot, that lightness in her gaze, the genuine and simple grin she put on her face every time they locked eyes.

She had come back home after the storm.

David would have said a long time ago that Graham was a way better choice for Emma than Killian, but when he saw them like that, united, together, the tension in her shoulders gone when Killian wrapped an arm around her over the chair, David knew that there was no better choice.

It was him.

And that man had done something David himself couldn't have done for his own daughter.

Bringing her a smile, and a safe place to be.

Maybe Killian Jones wasn't the man he had thought, maybe his need to overprotect Emma had been clouding his judgment and the whole bad guy look hadn't been playing in his favor, but still, David Nolan was ready to give him a chance. Emma seemed to have granted him one, or was it him who did it for her, David couldn't really tell, and Emma was quite secretive on this; she had told him they were trying again, but without getting into details.

And honestly, from what he had understood from the wedding's reception, and what his wife had told him, it was better this way. Graham had left abruptly, not even trying to hide from David, and all he knew was that Emma had almost shyly kissed Killian on the lips when he and Victor had started back to the city, right before Emma left with Ruby.

When Emma had lifted up her gaze to him, telling him goodbye and hugging him tightly, it made him remember that not so long ago, she had been just a little girl, fitting so perfectly in the crook of his arm; now, his precious baby girl was a beautiful woman, and when he looked at her, David couldn't see even trace of Cassidy's ghost lingering in her eyes anymore.

* * *

"I can't believe my dad let you cut the chicken", Emma said, shaking her head in disbelief. "Do you realize that this is a huge honor?"

Killian gave a tug on their laced hands as they walked near the beach, feet in the water, Emma's hair caressing his cheek.

"Aye, I know, I was surprised too; I thought he was going to jab me with the knife at first."

Emma rolled her eyes, making him laugh; he had to admit that she made the most adorable faces.

"Hey, is that how you would defend your boyfriend?" Killian said, feigning hurt over her lack of concern, placing a dramatic hand on his heart, the motion making Emma laugh at his face, standing in front of him with a hand on her hip.

"I thought you could handle yourself."

There was a challenging note in her voice that Killian couldn't miss, and shooting her one of his best smiles, one of those he knew she couldn't resist, he took advantage of her hand in his to pull her against his chest.

"Aye I can, but it doesn't mean I want to." He wrapped her in his arms, kissing her nose, "I need you."

Her expression smoothed, a smile curling on her lips as she pressed a soft kiss against his lips, their foreheads resting against each other.

"I love you", she breathed on his lips, her thumb circling over his cheek, before her hand went down to rest on his chest where his heart was hammering. It was peaceful, out of time, just the two of them on the beach, breathing in each other and finally, finally being together completely.

The way he had always dreamed of during those lonely nights, just Emma and him, her wearing her best smile, the one that reached her eyes and looked like pure love, curls dancing in the wind and brushing against his cheek, the salty perfume of the sea, so familiar and so them, taking them to the beginning and carrying with it promises of bright future and days marked by a new hope.

"Speaking of which…" Killian trailed off, pulling away just slightly. "I have something for you."

"You got me a present?" Emma chuckled. "For me?

"Don't be full of yourself, it's for your father, I'm trying to stay in his good graces."

"Asshole."

"Shut up, you love me." He squeezed her side gently before pulling a ring out of his pocket.

"Oh god... I… I… Are you?" She look up at him questioningly, surprised and shocked, maybe also pleased, but definitely shocked, her lips parting, her cheeks reddening when she realized what was, or what she thought was happening. Emma opened and closed her mouth, looking at him with wide eyes.

It was good to know that surprising her was still possible.

"Shut up Swan, I'm not proposing." He took her hand in his, caressing the back of it tenderly. "Not yet."

"What do you mean?"

"One day we will be back on a beach, the sea will be our witness, and I will kneel down and ask you to marry me."

"And wet your pants for me?" Emma joked nervously, her tongue darting out to lick her lips as Killian arched a defiant brow, to which she nodded, letting him finish, holding her breath as he spoke, completely spellbound with him.

"I will marry you one day", Killian said with conviction, their eyes locked together as he held her hand tightly in his, their fingers lacing together. "But not now, now isn't the right time for both of us, but one day, I will propose to you, and I hope you will say yes."

"I will say yes." Emma pulled him closer, brushing her nose against his. "You know I will. I love you. I'm not running away this time."

Grinning until his cheeks hurt, Killian took her right hand.

"Until then, you will keep this ring, as a reminder of that promise, and one day, I will ask you the big question."

Waiting for her approval, which Emma gave him immediately, Killian slid the ring along her finger on her right hand.

"You and I, it's to stay."

Emma admired the delicate ring on her finger, tears pearling at the corners of her eyes, and she couldn't miss that it was the same ring Killian had bought her a long time ago. "Is this..." She whispered in a tone marked by emotion, and Killian bent down to kiss her hand, and the ring on it.

"Yes it is. It was always meant for you, it belongs to you. I never wanted anybody else. I'm not going anywhere." Letting the words hang between them, savoring the love in her eyes, his fingers brushing over her cheek, Killian closed the gap between them and made her look up at him, lifting her chin with two fingers, wanting her to remember his words, "I'm never letting you go, I'm not taking this lightly, I never have, I love you."

Brushing away a few tears, "Does that make me your fiancé?" Emma tried to ease the tension of the moment with a joke, draping her arms around his neck, tangling her fingers in his hair.

"Naaah, you're my soon to be fiancé", Killian kissed her nose, loving the way it made her scrunch it, because she was making the most adorable faces. "But I think in the near future, you will be my fiancé, and this", he reached for her hand, "is for the moment you start freaking out, doubting us or me, you will look at this ring, to remember that I love you, and this is not just a thing. You won't lose me, because I want you. One day I will take this ring, and slide it on your left hand."

"I love you", Emma said, and framing his face between her palms, slammed her lips against his and quickly deepened the kiss, pulling him as close as she could, loving the way his hard torso was pressed against her, how his arms held her without restrain, not afraid to break her.

She was no fragile lass. Killian had learned it the hard way that this woman was one hell of a fighter; maybe he needed her more than she needed him, maybe they both needed each other, but what mattered at the end was that they knew, they believed they couldn't break as long as they were together.

"We have to go have dessert, you know", Emma broke the kiss though she didn't seem ready to let go yet; her hands were holding him where he was and her grip on him didn't seem to want to loosen… not that he wanted it to.

"Aye, face your father, let him jab me with the cake knife."

"You know I won't let him do it."

"You better not, or you would have a dead soon-to-be-fiancé on you."

"That would be tragic." Emma kissed him again before pulling away, starting to walk them back to her parents' house. "Do you want us to tell them already?"

"I don't know… I honestly don't care; they will know one day or another. But I'm indifferent."

Emma nodded, chewing her lip before she spoke, visibly uncomfortable all of sudden, "Can we keep it for ourselves? Just for a week; I want to savor this, I… I, with... We never got-"

"Yes", he tugged at her hand to make her fall in his arms again, not caring if they were about to be late. "I don't care about the others, I just need to know you're as excited as I am about this."

"I am, I want this, and that's why I want to just enjoy it with you."

"Like a pre-honeymoon of pre-engagement?" Killian joked, letting his head fall back when he laughed, his lungs filling with the salty air, trying to convince himself that this moment was real, that they had made it; they hadn't quite reached the end of the tunnel, but all he could focus on for now was Emma's bright smile and his ring, now hers, on her finger, and the promise of them sealed upon their lips.

"Hey! Don't laugh", Emma hit him on the shoulder, making a face, "I want it all."

"A honeymoon, huh? " Killian softened his voice, his arms finding their place around her waist. "And how does that even work?"

"First of all, it starts like this." Emma kissed him, "and the rest happens later, at night, when we're alone."

"We're alone." Killian grinned, his infuriating smile back on his lips, hands brushing along her sides gently, but definitely making her shiver, impatience making his blood boil in his veins, goosebumps appearing on his forearms.

"Maybe I will let my father hit you with something after all."

Emma kissed his cheek before tugging on his hand to pull him with her in the direction of the house.

* * *

"Killian! A gin over here and two shots please!" Ariel told him from the other corner of the bar.

"A'right."

Grabbing the bottle of alcohol he needed, Killian poured the drink, making a quick and professional work in a matter of second, his every move precise.

"Hurry up big boy", Ariel warned him as she passed by him, looking over his shoulder if the job was done.

"You know, I've been preparing drinks for longer than you Ariel."

"You're distracted."

"I'm not."

"You're thinking about her", Ariel paused, looking at him with a watery smile, arching a brow and not buying his act at all. "Emma." She felt the need to add, and knowing her, Ariel wouldn't drop the subject until she had made her point.

"I'm working", Killian simply growled, taking another order and trying his best to ignore her.

"You're in love", the red-head said, a hand on her hip. "It's almost disgusting how much she has you wrapped around her little finger."

"Shut up", Killian shot back with a laugh, finishing the drink and handing it to her.

"I guess it's better that than having you cry and mourn your one true love!" Ariel mocked gently. "I'm happy for you, buddy."

"Yeah right, go take care of our customers okay? I think my private life is none of your business."

"Alright boss", Ariel saluted, giving up on getting more information from him, taking the drinks and leaving, but then pausing to tell him one last thing. "Killian?"

"What again, Ariel?"

"It's nice to see you happy."

Nodding and tossing away the napkin in his hand, Killian reached for his phone in the back pocket of his jeans; he and Emma had been together for five months now, and contrary to what everyone, including them, had imagined, they were doing better than expected.

"Ariel, did you see my phone?"

The red-head looked over her shoulder, annoyed.

"No, I haven't", she grabbed a bottle of rum and poured a generous dose to the man in front of her. "Check under the bar, maybe you left it there."

Kneeling and looking around, Killian found no trace of his phone, and just to make sure, he patted his back pocket again.

"Fucking hell, she's going to freak out."

"Relax boy, Swan is an adult, she knows you're working."

"Yeah, she also knows we're supposed to go out with her friends."

"And?" She arched a brow, cutting some lime on the counter. "Isn't she supposed to trust you or something?"

"Yes she does, but we are also trying-" Killian said between his teeth, he didn't want to engage in a conversation with Ariel about Emma; rubbing his head nervously, he moved toward the barmaid. "Can I borrow your phone?"

"So you can call mama?" Ariel laughed, pushing her hair back behind her shoulders. "I didn't know you had such a soft side."

"Your phone", Killian repeated, and realizing the roughness in his words, he added on a smoother tone. "Please.

Sizing him up for a brief second, Ariel sighed, visibly pissed but still handing him her phone.

"No sex calls, thank you very much, I don't want to pay for it."

"Thank you", he whispered, fluffing her hair before going to the back room to make his call in peace. He quickly keyed in the number he had known by heart for years now, waiting one ring, two rings, three rings, the beat matching the one of his own heart.

"This is Emma Swan, I can't answer at the moment, so leave a message after the beep."

"Emma, it's Killian, I'm so sorry but I'm going to be late, there's so many people at the bar and I can't really leave Ariel alone; I'm sorry I can't be there tonight, but please, come back to my place tonight. I miss you."

Hanging up, Killian cursed himself for not saying "I love you" at the end of his message, but hell, she should know it by now, right? It shouldn't be a secret or something she doubted now, not when he had clearly told her on that beach that he wanted to marry her someday.

He really hoped Emma remembered that.

* * *

"Did you manage to get her earlier?" Ariel asked, bending over the counter, hands laced together, a real and honest worry lingering in her eyes.

"No, she's not answering", Killian rubbed his forehead, tossing his dishtowel on the counter, tired of the long night.

"I'm sorry."

"Aye, thanks."

"I'm going to need my phone; I have to call my boyfriend to tell him to come pick me up."

"You have a boyfriend?" Killian asked her, his words coming out of nowhere, surprising him; it wasn't that he was jealous, because she could do whatever she wanted as far as he was concerned, but knowing her, he was surprised he hadn't heard her singing love songs all day.

"Why do you sound so surprised? Not everyone lets me down for a pretty blonde."

"Ariel", Killian warned her, as much as their banter used to make him smile, Emma not answering him was getting on his nerves, reminding him of the past events, along with Emma's almost wedding; it was not the best way to make him calm down. Plus, the infuriating smile on Ariel's face was just making him cringe.

"Oh come on, I'm just teasing", she said, poking him in the shoulder as she jumped over the counter with ease, the heels of her boots clapping against the floor when she landed; she grabbed her jacket and presented him her opened palm. "Phone".

Sighing, Killian gave it to her; there was no point in keeping it, because Emma was ignoring him and he would have to wait for her to come home to his place for a proper conversation. It was almost sure that she was deliberately ignoring him at this hour; Emma was at Ruby and Whale's who had just moved in together and there was no way she was not ignoring him now. They were supposed to go out for dinner together. Ariel must have noticed how his mood was just "fuck-fuck-fuck-and-fuck" because she took a hesitant step closer, which was surprising for someone as forward as her, and offered him a brave smile.

"Thanks, and don't worry Killian, she will come around."

"I thought you didn't like her?" He paused, pretending to think. "If I remember correctly, she's just a selfish bitch?" He accused, reminding her of what she had told him after a long night at the bar a few weeks after Emma's wedding reception.

"I'm not her biggest fan, but still, I think she's trying and I can't hold that against her", Ariel explained. "Listen, I don't like the girl for personal reasons, and I think she's messed up, not in the bad way, but yeah she's definitely messed up, and then she also messes with your head", Ariel's eyes were fixed on nothing, widening comically, "and then you mess with my head; it's an endless circle."

"Don't you have a boyfriend to call?" Killian laughed, cutting her off.

"At least I made you laugh, jackass", Ariel snapped back, looking over her shoulder. "Eric's here. I have to go, have a good night."

Telling her goodbye, Killian started closing the bar, looking at the man, tall and dark haired, green eyes staring at and hypnotized by Ariel, standing at the door with a heavy coat and red cheeks; Ariel ran to him and kissed him on the lips quickly before calling Killian, who had already turned his back, groaning in his beer, trying to figure out a solution for what had happened tonight.

"Killian? Don't you worry too much, I'm sure it's going to be okay", she winked before leaving.

* * *

Killian should have expected it, but a part of him, as tiny as it was, had believed Emma would have been home when he came back, waiting for him to take her to bed, where they would have fallen asleep in each other's arms.

She hadn't waited. Coming back home late from work, Killian had known the moment he unlocked the door that Emma wasn't there, her perfume not linging in the air the way it used to when she was there. It was almost painful, almost tangible, her absence hanging in the room like a ghost; he was seeing her everywhere without finding her.

Emma had left without leaving a note, not answering his calls and not picking up the phone to tell him that she was fine, or maybe just a little mad.

At this time, so late in the night, Killian was pass being hurt; he was mostly mad, mad at her for not telling him anything, mad at her for not picking the goddamn phone to tell him she was okay and that she would come to see him in the morning.

No, Emma had decided to ignore him when she knew exactly what this kind of thing did to him.

Not wanting to spend his night mourning, Killian gripped a bottle of beer, opened it quickly and took one long sip, massaging his temple and trying to get his mind out of his musings, not wanting to blame himself once again, not wanting to let himself fall down into the guilt circle because nothing wrong had been done; he had called, he had told her he wouldn't make it in time. He had tried to call her again and again, but Emma had, once again, ran away.

Bloody infuriating lass.

But Killian had made her a promise, the ring on her finger was there for a reason, he loved her, he loved her with every fiber of his being, he wouldn't just let her go easily, he would fight and he would do everything to make her stay; Emma loved him too and this was what she wanted as well, so he couldn't and wouldn't let her drown.

Facing the sea together, they had said.

Together.

Tonight had been one bloody long night, so when the need to light a smoke came to him, Killian didn't fight it, he just pulled it out and brought it to his lips; it wasn't like Emma would say anything.

* * *

He fell asleep on the couch after his third smoke, a headache forcing him to swallow some painkillers, hoping they would help him forget about the day. And as if it wasn't pathetic enough, Killian had fallen asleep with his phone.

When Killian woke up, Emma was there, sitting on the arm of the sofa in front of him, her hands crossed on her lap; she was looking as tired as he felt, bags under her eyes telling him she hadn't slept either.

"Where did you sleep?" Killian asked her, his voice rusty and rough in the young morning. He had no idea what time it was, and he didn't really care either; he didn't have any obligations today.

"At Ruby's."

"Good." Killian got up, ignoring how tense she was, walking by her and going to the kitchen to make himself a cup of coffee, not asking her if she wanted one.

"You're not mad?" Emma asked when he had finished making his coffee and he turned around to face her; there were no tears in her eyes, just tiredness mirroring his own, just exhaustion written over her features and body.

"Is that what you want? Me to be mad? You're here." Killian took a sip of his coffee, blowing on the hot liquid before putting it down on the counter. "You left but I thought I would have to bring you back there."

Emma didn't take that so well, flinching a little and looking down.

"Why didn't you answer my calls?"

"Where was your phone?" Emma shot back, straightening and lifting her chin up; if Killian wasn't so mad at her, although he preferred to remain calm until she gave him an explanation, he would've admitted that seeing her looking so fierce was something he really loved. It felt like she was back to her old self.

"Lost it at work", Killian brushed the matter away; there was no way she would get out of this without giving him a real reason for her behavior. "Why didn't you answer?"

"You used Ariel's phone."

How the hell did she even know it was Ariel's?

"To call you."

"I don't like it." Emma shook her head, looking down and away from his eyes, more focused on her reverie than really avoiding any contact with him. Anyway, it was pissing him off.

"I was trying to call you and you never picked up."

The accusation in his tone made her roll her eyes.

"I don't like knowing you're around her especially after what happened between you two."

"What never happened at your so called wedding if I remember correctly", Killian snapped back, hitting the counter with his hand. "For fuck's sake Emma! This is not what this is about and you know it."

"Yeah?" Emma stood up, pointing an angry finger at him. "Well, I don't hang out with Graham anymore."

"I wasn't engaged to Ariel."

"You kissed her", Emma accused, her limbs shaking with anger as she dried off invisible tears.

"She's a barmaid, she's just a coworker. Nothing more to me."

"Yeah right", Emma turned around in a swirl of golden curls, but Killian was faster and his hand closed around her wrist before she got a chance to leave.

He wasn't just going to let her walk away in the middle of the storm.

"Why are you doing this?" He asked as Emma shot him a dark stare. "Why are you pushing me away, again?" Killian stressed the last word, seeking an answer in her eyes.

"You weren't coming back."

"Why are you doing this?" Killian repeated more instantly, seeing her walls falling down, shattering under the weight of his accusation. He knew he needed to get to her before she decided to pull away completely.

"You weren't there."

"Why didn't you pick up the phone?"

"I was scared, okay?" She yelled, finally letting out what was lingering on her tongue since the beginning, pulling away from his grip. "You weren't there, you were at your bar with another girl, you weren't coming back!"

The weight of her words and the pain hidden behind them shocked him enough to make him stop dead in his tracks; this couldn't be happening again. "Why did you run away instead of staying here? Why didn't you wait just like I told you to do? Why didn't you stay to yell at me?!" Killian exploded, anger filling his veins.

"What was I supposed to do? Wait for you to come back? We had plans for the night."

"You're not making any sense, love", Killian shook his head, wishing he could lighten the tension in the room; why couldn't she just throw a pillow at him and then move on, even though it wasn't his fault, again.

"What?" Emma stilled, dazzled and shocked, freezing at his words.

"You heard me. You are just trying to find a way out again. Do you know what I think happened?" He took a dangerous step forward her, but Emma remained where she was when Killian expected her to step back, facing him from her full height, even if Killian's forced her to look up. "You were there on this couch, making yourself pretty for our night at Ruby's, and you started freaking out, because I was late, and you," he pointed to her head, "started thinking that I was with Ariel; maybe I was lost in time because I was flirting… you were scared and you started freaking out!"

"It's not difficult when you spend your days wi-"

"Do you know what this is?" Killian cut her off, taking her hand and placing it right in front of her, the ring shining between them. "This is a symbol of my promise, something that I gave you so you can hold onto that every time you doubt me, doubt us; this ring is a proof of my commitment to you, I want you, I love you, there's no one else, stop doubting me, stop running."

"I-"

"Do you know why I ask you to stay with me every night?" Killian didn't leave her any time to answer back, his voice growing more and more serious as anger increased, pushing him closer and closer to the edge; there was a weight on his chest stopping the air from coming in and he needed release, he needed to let go of this burden, he needed to stop this pain. More, he needed her to understand once and for all. "Because just like you, I'm scared! Scared that you're going to leave again, scared to wake up one morning and realize you're gone, again."

Emma's shoulders shook, her eyes filling with tears and she covered her mouth with her hands, giving him her back and wrapping her free arm around her middle. Knowing she wouldn't accept any comfort from him, Killian himself not even sure he wanted to do it now he gave her this, this brief moment to compose herself, hoping that she would come back to him.

"I'm scared…" Emma trailed off, "scared that one day you will be done with me, my fears, and all the mess you have to deal with because of me."

"Well, I'm scared that one day you will realize that you made a mistake by going back to me and run for good, and then I won't be able to make you stay, I won't be able to find the right words!"

"Why didn't you tell me all of this before?" Emma's voice broke in the middle of her question, her whole demeanor changing into something more caring, her anger suddenly gone and the pain he felt making her want to reach for him, but just like him a while ago she fought that urge, not sure he would allow her to comfort him.

He craved for it.

"Because you're already scared enough! You needed me-"

"You needed me too", she cut him off, cocking her head on the side, looking so sad for him, guilt written all over her face.

"I always have", Killian sighed, his arms falling down his sides. "Unlike you, I don't have a ring to remind me you're staying with me. I just need you. Here."

Something in Emma's expression broke, her entire face falling.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry", she threw herself on him, giving in and wrapping her arms around his neck and caressing the back of his head, holding him a comforting embrace. Her perfume hit him, hard, making his head spin. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

It took him a while to hug her back; Killian hadn't expected her to react that way because she was more the kind for running away as far as possible to avoid any feelings, especially when she was guilty. Old habits die hard, he guessed.

"It's okay", he whispered in her hair, reveling in the feeling of her body against his, her arms making sure he knew she was not going anywhere.

"I'm not leaving", Emma said on an expelled breath, holding him close to her. "I'm here", she kissed his neck, "I'm sorry."

Killian didn't speak, there was nothing to say, and even if there were words, he couldn't find them, he just held onto her, almost clinging to her and letting her guide him to the couch, where they laid down together, Emma grabbing the comforter and pulling it up over them. Making sure she was comfortable in his arms, Killian's chin rested on her head, but Emma shifted around so she could look at him, pressing her forehead against his.

"I'm sorry", the words fell from her lips again and again, a long plead asking for forgiving for her actions.

Hesitantly, she brushed her lips against his, Killian's hand cupping the back of her head to press her closer, deepening the kiss lightly, his tongue tangling with hers; it was reassuring, familiar kiss and it made him sigh in relief.

"I love you", Emma said with closed eyes, a smile appearing on her lips. "Even if you taste like cigarettes."

He chuckled, his hand rubbing her back and keeping her warm as she rested her head in the crook of his neck.

"It was either that or the alcohol."

His words made her tense.

"I'm sorry for freaking out, it was stupid. I should have answered you."

"Just answer me, that's all I ask."

"I promise I will, it was stupid and completely uncalled for; you were just trying to do the right thing."

"Nobody said it would be easy lass," Killian mused, caressing her arm gently, loosing himself in his reverie; neither of them had expected this to be all pretty with rainbows and unicorns, but the point was that they would be doing it together, for better or worse, a thought that made him smile internally. "We both knew it wouldn't be piece of cake."

"Doesn't mean I have the right to hurt you."

Killian nodded, "I know."

"Maybe we need to find you a ring", Emma laughed softly, her arm going around his waist.

"Or maybe you could just move in", Killian said from out of nowhere, and when he saw Emma holding her breath it made him regret his words immediately. "I'm sorry, it's too soo-" He started to get up but Emma pulled him back down and straddled him, her hands resting on his chest, neither of them caring about the blanket falling on the floor.

"Yes."

"Yes what?" Killian asked, frustrated and confused, his hands naturally finding her hips.

"I want to move in with you, and no, it's not too soon, I'm your soon-to-be fiancé after all", there was a note of pride in her voice that Killian didn't miss, and it made him grin like an idiot. "And it's not like we never lived together before." She leaned in, her hair falling around him like a golden curtain. "And it feels right remember?" She breathed on his lips before kissing him gently, her teeth grazing over his bottom lip and sucking it in his mouth. Killian wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her closer until her chest was pressed against his.

"So you won't be afraid that I won't ever come back, because I always will, even if in the past, it took me some time to figure stuff out in my head", she brushed her nose along his, their foreheads pressed together as her hands drew patterns on his chest right above his heart, writing her promise on his skin, then kissing him gently. "I will always come back."

Feeling as if a weight had been lifted off his shoulders, Killian let himself laugh. "You silly lass of mine." His fingers played with a strand of her hair, tugging on it gently to pull her closer. "What am I going to do with you?"

"Well maybe we could get you to brush your teeth and throw away those cigarettes", Emma poked him in the ribs, lifting a brow teasingly before she nestled against his side.

"I said what I'm going to do with you, not with me."

"Aren't those two the same?" Emma asked, looking at him with a gaze so full of love and so full of hope that Killian felt his heart falling at his feet or maybe, right in her hands, once more.

"Aye, I think so", he said against her lips, nipping at them gently, his eyes locked with hers. "I love you." Killian whispered, and although his words sounded more like an "I need you", maybe it was the same thing.

"I know", Emma kissed his cheek. "I'm sorry."

"Just don't do it ever again."

"I won't", she shook her head, her hand resting against his neck, her fingers playing with the hair at the back of his head. "I love you, and I'm not afraid of that anymore, or at least, not like the way I was."

"What do you mean?" Killian wasn't sure what she meant, he was tired and he wanted nothing more than to crawl at her side in their bed, Emma in his arms, what they would have done if this whole mess hadn't happened.

"I always loved you, always will, and I don't doubt you, or at least not really… I think it's me, I doubt me because what if you found a better match; you're pretty amazing..." She shrugged and raised her hand in the air. "I mean, look at you, you could have pretty much every girl you want, somebody better than the one who's fucked up and scared."

Too fast for her, and almost making her loose her balance, Killian was in a sitting position, two strong arms around Emma to keep her up with him. "I just need you, I just want you." Cupping the back of her head, his lips ghosted over hers, trailing along her jaw. "I don't anyone else but you."

"Promise?"

Taking her hand in his, Killian lifted it up to his lips, kissing her knuckles where a ring, his ring, was resting.

"Promise."

Emma melted in his arms, and this time she was the one to take him off guard, slamming her mouth over his, her tongue seeking entrance he quickly gave her, her arms locked tightly around his neck; he was gasping for breath but God he didn't care because she was there and she wasn't leaving.

Never again.

They needed time and they would be fine.

Just time.

"For someone so repulsed by my lips and how I taste, you seem to be really enjoying kissing me."

"Just shut up", Emma laughed, kissing him again. "I think this is the moment when you take me to our", she stressed the word, "bedroom."

"I think I like the sound of that", Killian gasped, "So this is our home?"

"Ours, and I'm yours to take", Emma replied, not letting him answer back, sealing his lips in a searing kiss, showing him how much she was done with talking for now.

And to make sure her words weren't just thrown in the air, he quickly lifted her up, holding her above him, her hair falling around them as she laughed that bright and clear laugh, making his heart grow bigger, making him wish he never had to let go of that light moment.

Happiness.

Her legs wrapped around his waist, Killian carried her to their bedroom, loving the new idea of calling it theirs, although he had never thought of it differently; he settled her down in the middle of the bed and hovered above her, claiming her lips as his, his hand ghosting over her side as his lips found her neck, nipping and sucking her skin, unconsciously wishing to leave a mark on it.

Emma's hands wrapped around his neck and brought him on top of her, her legs tightening around him and pulling him even closer, needing to create that so infuriating friction they both craved for. Her hands, making themselves sneaky, disappeared under his shirt and soon after Killian tossed it across the room.

Since they had found their way back to each other, they had made love countless times, but Killian still couldn't help the amazed look on his face every time he saw her naked in front of him, bare in every way possible, trusting him with everything she had and not wishing to hide anything from him.

He wasn't scared of hearing her saying those three words, not anymore, not when he now knew they didn't equal a goodbye, or a sorry, feeling his heart skipping a beat each time she said them.

"Killian, are you going to just stare?" Emma asked breathlessly, nails digging into his shoulders, her back arching in an attempt to connect them more, to touch more, to feel all of him; Killian obeyed and pinned her against the bed.

"Maybe I just want to look at you."

"Why?" Emma cried out, her breath stuck in her throat. "There's no reason for you to stare when you can… just… touch."

"Aren't you a demanding lass", Killian laughed, kissing her and stroking the corners of her mouth with his tongue, pulling away just before she had a chance to deepen the exchange. "I love you and I'm just admiring this beautiful lass of mine."

"Do you still doubt it?" Emma looked at him with seriousness, her hands closing around the material of his shirt, her brows coming together in a scowl.

"What? You being mine?" Killian supported himself on his elbow so he wasn't crushing her with his weight. "Well, I can't say I take you for granted, I never will", he said absentmindedly, staring off into space as he played with her hair. "Not with our past."

"Don't", Emma lifted her chin up. "Don't think about the past. Think about the future."

"I thought we said we'd take things slowly", his tone was light and amused, his hand gripping her hip.

"I know", Emma kissed his jaw, "but I also just told you we could move in together, and that's not taking it slowly."

"Yeah, but just as you said, it's not like we didn't live together in the past."

"It's good to know you listen to me when I speak."

"So how about we think about the future then?" Killian kissed the tip of her nose. "What do you have planned for us, Swan?"

"Hmmm", she rested a finger against her mouth. "Right now", her leg went higher on his hip, "I have a pretty good idea of what's going to happen."

"Minx", Killian groaned, kissing the corner of her lips, not more, wanting to drag it out as long as possible, because he didn't want the moment to end… but then again, it wasn't meant to end, not ever.

"I think… I think I want to marry you, one day, when the time is right, of course", Emma looked down, focusing her attention on his shirt or was it his chest? It was hard to tell with her almost shy gaze avoiding his all of sudden. Who would have thought she would be so thrilled to get married so quickly. "It's not about the whole reception or even the dress or anything, it's about you and me, together in front of the world, you know? That's what I want for us, in the near future."

"Oh, but look at you, Swan, are you so eager to marry me?" Killian nuzzled her neck with kisses, tracing a burning line with his tongue along her shoulder, nipping at her collarbone, his hands going behind her back, pressing her against him when Emma arched her back, his hips bucking forward.

"Or maybe I just want you to get rid of these pants quickly", she tugged at his belt breathlessly.

"Don't change the subject."

"Get on with it." Emma replied with the same tone, and Killian let her roll him on his back.

"I love you."

"I know", Killian leaned in, kissing her before his hands went under her shirt.

* * *

"Emma, hurry up, we're going to be late", Killian called from the tiny bathroom of their apartment, careful not to cut himself with the razor, pressing it gently against his neck.

"You better not shave off too much."

Chuckling, Killian dropped the razor on the counter, not bothering to clean up the shaving foam on his face and walked to the bedroom, where Emma was getting ready for the party Ruby had organized. He walked to the room with a calm step, but he stopped dead in his tracks the moment he passed the doorframe.

"Wow."

His jaw dropped when he saw Emma standing in front of the mirror, a red dress she was wearing flattering her curves and showing a decent amount of her back, her golden hair curling on her shoulders. She was a real marvel to watch; you would think that after years of knowing each other, they would have stopped surprising each other, or that looks wouldn't matter that much, the two of them falling into a depressing routine, but Emma Swan soon-to-be-fiancé Jones, was the proof that surprises could happen every day.

"I hope you're done shaving", she commented, applying a generous dose of mascara, the ghost of a smile threatening to curl on her lips even though she still hadn't turned around; it was barely fair the effect she had on him.

Red was definitely her color.

"Hmmm, I don't know", he stroked his scruff. "Maybe I should shave off the whole thing, you know. Change is good."

"So maybe I should change too", Emma said enigmatically, pressing her lips together in a thin line. "The underwear and the bra, as expensive as they are…" her eyes widened comically, but she was still not turning around to face him, "aren't really comfortable."

"Oh."

"Yes, oh", Emma finally turned on her heel, tilting her head to the side, a victorious smile on her lips. "So you, don't, shave." She ordered, feeling more than happy with herself for playing that trick on him.

And Gods knew she was good at that.

"Is that so important?" Killian laughed, feeling so free at the moment that he forgot how late they were to the party, his own party, but even the mental image of Ruby threatening him with a butter knife didn't change his way of thinking.

"It is to me", Emma pouted, giving him a puppy face worth of Grace's.

"So lingerie?" He arched a brow and took a step forward, trying to see through the thin material of her dress if what she was saying was true. Hard to say when she was looking at him in a shameless way, coming to him quickly, her hands finding their way around his neck.

"Happy birthday", she sang before pressing her mouth against his, Killian's arms going around her waist, pulling her against him just a little bit more; he kept the kiss soft and calm, just their lips moving against each other, making his whole mind start buzzing.

"You still have foam on your face", Emma whispered, eyes still closed when she broke the kiss, a finger tracing the edge of his jaw to show him that it was full of foam before she pressed it to his nose; she laughed and Killian wiped it off quickly. "Go clean yourself; we have to leave for the party, Ruby and Victor are waiting for us."

"I know", Killian said against her shoulder, kissing a path of open-mouthed kisses along her collarbone. "This is the best happy birthday I could wish for."

"Really?" Emma looked almost shocked; it was endearing and unnerving at the same time, how a part of her couldn't believe the effect she had on him. "It hasn't even started."

"I would say it has indeed," he said, shutting her up with a kiss and tangling his fingers in her hair, never ceasing to be amazed by its soft texture. "Best birthday ever."

"Well, I hope the rest will be worth it", she tried to hide her anxiety with a laugh, but Killian didn't miss it.

"Well, let me see", his hand wandered over her back, brushing over the straps of her bra through her dress, the other hand going to her leg and under the hem of her dress.

"Killian...", Emma warned, but still didn't do anything to stop him, not even when his hand went up, pushing the dress higher on her hips.

"Well, this is definitely worth it", Killian whispered in her ear, kissing the skin just under it, his fingers playing with her panties. "Laces?"

"I know you."

"You definitely do", Killian kissed her cheek, his hand coming from under her dress. "I still can't believe it."

"Believe what?"

Taking a deep breath, Killian shook his head, brushing a strand of hair off her shoulder, admiring for a minute the way her cheeks had colored so prettily. "You being here, for my birthday."

"Is that so hard to believe?" She leaned in to kiss his jaw, her hand cupping his bicep and pulling his arm around her. "As if I would miss it; it's _your _birthday."

"A few months ago, you would have", Killian said absentmindedly, rubbing her back gently, not wanting to ruin the moment with dark thoughts; he didn't bother explaining himself more, just focusing on the way she felt in his arms. But still, a part of him didn't seem to want to shut up, telling him that if she hadn't changed her mind, she would have probably been on her honeymoon by now, with her new husband.

"Hey", Emma framed his face between her palms. "I'm here, I'm not going anywhere."

"You better not; I still have to see what's under this dress", he kissed her, trying to stop that trail of thought; if anything, she had promised to marry him one day.

She wasn't going anywhere.

Emma poked him in the arm gently, and Killian was almost sure she had noticed the hurt in his eyes, but he was grateful that she decided to make them move on instead of lingering on it.

"Alright big boy; good things come to those who wait so let's go. We have a birthday to celebrate."

"Lead the way, lass."

* * *

Ruby had been more than welcoming, jumping around as the excited bird she was, embracing Emma tightly when they showed up while Victor patted Killian's shoulder with a dry smile. "I share your pain", said his expression as he invited him to come with him to the living room, talking about everything and nothing at the same time; life with Ruby, as scary as it had seemed at first had turned out to be fairly easy.

Victor was enjoying this new life, and he was happy to be able to share this new happiness with Killian without having to hold back.

His friend asked him how his life was going, and how he felt now that Emma was back in his life; sure, it had been months since they got together again, but still Victor felt the need to ask him about it every time they saw each other, as if a part of him still feared to see his friend breaking down, and that this time, he wouldn't be able to put him back together.

Killian told him nothing but the truth every time; he was genuinely happy, enjoying his time with Emma, and despite what his friend seemed to think, they weren't back at the beginning. Yes they made compromises, they tried and fought, but in the end, even if it wasn't easy every day, he and Emma managed to make it work; love, at the end of the day, ended up by being the most important thing.

Nodding, Victor took the speech as he always did, in silence, changing the subject quickly. Killian looked around and noticed a familiar head among the guests; it was crazy how many people Ruby had invited and even crazier how she had managed to make them all fit in that apartment.

Jefferson was here with his new girlfriend, Alice, and it was about time the man got over his dead wife; she was smiling up at him with affection, the man's eyes shining with hope that both Victor and Killian hadn't seen in a long time.

Gesturing for them to come closer, Jefferson stood up to meet them, Alice's hand in his. "Guys, I want you to meet Alice, she's my girlfriend. Alice, this is Killian-"

"I'm with his sister", Killian cut him off, pointing a finger at Emma who was animatedly talking to Ruby.

"Right, he's my sister's boyfriend and this is Vi-"

"Victor, I'm with his sister's best friend, but you already know that", Victor rubbed his forehead. "Drinks anyone?" He clapped his hands, taking the requests before leaving them to talk, a heavy silence falling over them right away.

"Killian Jones, so it's your birthday?" Alice questioned with a friendly smile. "Happy birthday, then, although it's not really common to be late to your own party."

"I was… kind of busy", Killian said with a smile, not able to stop himself from glancing at Emma once again.

"Ew, please, I don't want to know", Jefferson grimaced, waving his hands in front of him, almost putting them over his ears. "It's my sister we're talking about."

"Sorry, buddy, but she asked", Killian chuckled, taking the drink that Victor offered him and taking a long sip of it, his eyes darting to Emma more than they should… and then Killian remembered that there was nothing wrong with that, that he didn't have to feel bad for looking at her, not when she was smiling back with a bright grin, all his.

"Ew, this is disgustingly sweet", Victor complained, shaking his head. "Look at him, head over heels for Swan. I don't know what I prefer, you miserable because of her, or you happy and disgustingly sweet with her."

"Rude", Killian rolled his eyes, taking another sip of his rum. "It's my birthday, remember? Be nice and cool it down, would you?"

"Yeah right, happy birthday, buddy", Victor gave him a punch on the shoulder, earning him a playful right hook form Killian.

"Hey hey boys, watch the carpet, it's new", his best friend stopped him, holding his hands in front of him.

"Jeff was right, you really are like three musketeers", Alice commented, watching them with endearment. "Oh, by the way, you got news from Graham, right? It's Graham? Your other friend?"

"Smooth, so smooth", Victor laughed while Killian clenched his jaw.

He hadn't managed to get Graham on the phone, no matter how many times he had called or how many messages he left.

It was only fair, Killian thought; what had happened had been quite hard to accept.

Time was what they all needed to put the past behind them and move on.

Still, Killian found himself missing his friend a little more every day.

"Yeah", Jefferson trailed off, shooting Killian a worried look, making him roll his eyes even more; why did everyone have to act as if he was made of sugar? It was even more upsetting today because Killian hadn't felt this good in months.

"He calls me quite often."

"Nice to see that his phone still works", Killian said between his teeth, finishing his drink in one gulp.

"Don't hold it against him; he's worried and he's trying to get over this whole mess. Give him time. You know, when he calls, he always asks me the same thing."

"And I'm supposed to guess what?" Killian said, pissed off a little with everything happening right now when they should just enjoy the party, and not understanding why was his friend suddenly trying to make him feel guilty about something he had tried to make right anyway.

It wasn't his fault if some people had issues with picking up the goddamn phone.

"He always asks me if you and Emma are engaged."

"Well, you can tell him he can pick up the phone himself and ask me if it's the case, but no, we aren't engaged."

"Are you sure about that?" Alice arched a brow. "Ruby told me Emma has a pretty nice engagement ring-"

"On her right hand; we are not engaged." Killian corrected her. "Not yet, and this is between Emma and me."

"But you gave her a ring", Jefferson commented, making Killian breath out loudly, revealed that Emma was too busy with Ruby in the kitchen to notice them talking about her. The last thing he needed was Emma freaking out because he mentioned their non-engagement deal, and of course, misunderstanding what he meant when he said that they weren't engaged.

"I gave her a ring, yes, but we're not engaged, not yet; it will come in time. But this isn't the point", Killian dropped the glass on the table. "Look, I know Graham is hurt by this situation, but if he wants to know about me or Emma, he can just pick up his phone and answer my calls."

"Killian…", Victor tried to calm him down, shooting a disapproving look at Jefferson.

"I'm just saying that Graham is worried", Jefferson defended himself and wrapped an arm around Alice's waist.

"Where's Grace?" Killian tried to change the subject, looking around searching for the little girl.

"She's at my parents'; I'm sorry, I know you wish she was there, but it's school day", Jefferson replied calmly, his tone changing into something softer at the thought of his daughter.

"Sure", Killian breathed out, the whole turn of the conversation getting to him more than he had wished. It was hard to hide the disappointment in his voice, because it had been a while since he had seen Grace, the little girl doing more than great at school from what Emma had told him; she had been more than excited and thrilled when Emma had told her about them.

Waving at his friends, Killian left them to go on the balcony, letting the fresh air of the cold night fill his lungs; there was a packet of smokes somewhere in the house because Victor hadn't stopped smoking despite what Ruby had to say. If Killian found it he wouldn't complain because he needed it dearly.

Approaching the rail of the balcony, the cold metal almost burning his hands and he rested against it, Killian took a deep breath, trying to push away the guilt spreading through his veins; it wasn't as if he had done anything wrong. He and Emma had made a choice to try again; they had chosen each other because it was the only right thing to do.

So why did he feel like this, like his lungs were failing him, every breath difficult to come by?

Jefferson's tone had implied that he had messed up, which was surprising since his friend had always been there for him; this sudden change of mood and opinion was more than surprising, taking Killian completely off guard. While he had gone through his personal hell with Emma leaving him, Jefferson had been there for him, helping him get through it, never giving him any hope but not breaking it either; he had been supportive.

Obviously, Killian hadn't expected this kind of behavior from him.

Rubbing his forehead, he tried to stop thinking about it because the more he thought about it, the more he wanted to light one of those fucking smokes, wherever they were.

Funny thing, for June, the sky was quite heavy and threatening to break apart at any moment, the air full of moisture; Killian could almost see tiny drops in the darkness of the night. Sighing, he bent down, resting his forearms against the trail, angrily rubbing his temple and trying to fix the mess in his head; he needed to go back to the party.

Two arms found their way around his waist and a head rested against his shoulder, taking him by surprise; he hadn't heard her coming.

"What's wrong? You left the party", Emma said, worried making her tighten the already tight embrace around him, her lips kissing his shoulder. "You seem preoccupied."

Shifting in her arms, Killian faced her and pressed a gentle kiss on her forehead. "Don't worry, love, it's fine."

"Liar", Emma called him out gently, cupping his cheek and forcing him to look her in the eyes. "Tell me what's wrong."

Killian's lips parted but no sound left them; he was too tired, too drained by this constant back and forth, he wanted this to work for good without any ghosts from their past coming back to haunt them. Tangling his fingers in her hair, not caring at this moment if he was messing with her hairstyle or not, Killian pressed his cheek against the top of her head, inhaling her scent, his racing heart eventually slowing down, Emma's arms never unlocking or loosening their embrace.

She didn't say anything, giving him this, a safe embrace and a safe place to rest his head for a while, or maybe for longer than that because who knew what was waiting for them; her nose brushed along his neck gently as she breathed him in just like Killian was doing with her.

"Killian, you're scaring me, tell me what's wrong", she murmured, her words muffled against his shirt; just like him, Emma didn't seem to care about their absence from the party, and it made him smile.

Pulling back just so he could look at her, Killian told her about his worries, about Graham and how he had tried to call him, how he had tried to put together the pieces of a friendship he missed every day, how he was hurt after her brother's words, how Graham was worried about them getting engaged; he didn't hold back anything, watching her take every sentence with grace and strength, her eyes seeking his as he spoke; she smiled at him, encouraging him silently to say everything he needed.

"I'm tired of feeling like people see me as the guy who stole you from your fiancé", Killian finished, caressing Emma's arms gently as he looked over her shoulder, not wanting to see what was on her mind, knowing that the moment they locked eyes, he would read her like an open book.

The truth was, he was still scared. Much like she was not so long ago.

It was Emma who forced him to look at her, squeezing his hand in her, pressing her forehead against his to make him meet her eyes.

"Hey", she called softly, her voice feeling like a caress. "First of all, I'm not a possession; no one gets to steal me."

Her reply made him smile a little; Gods he loved that lass and her spirit.

"And two, if anything, you stole my heart five years ago, Killian, and if anything, we belong with each other."

Her features were nothing but tender and forgiving, but mostly loving, loving him.

And that realization, even after all this time, still managed to amaze him, taking him off guard.

Killian was about to say something when Emma took both of his hands in hers and pressed them against her heart. "Come with me."

He arched a brow, "Where do you want to go?"

"It's a surprise", she replied with a playful and challenging smile on her delicious lips, winking at him. "Come on, it's just a surprise!" Emma said, locking her arms around his neck.

"We just arrived", Killian tried to reason with her, but his whole body and system reacted to her instantly, his arms pressing her against him; he would never stop craving for her touch or for their closeness.

"I know, but come on, I have something for you", Emma kissed the corner of his mouth, her nails running up and down his back. "Come with me."

"You know this is my party, right?"

"I know, but this is my boyfriend", she shot back. "I can't wait anymore."

"Ohhh", Killian arched a brow appreciatively, his hands wandering over her back and playing with the material of her dress.

"Not that", Emma laughed, poking him in the ribs. "It's another gift."

"It's almost raining outside", Killian tried to resist, but he knew it was only a matter of minutes before he gave up and took her wherever she wanted.

"Since when are you afraid of a storm?"

There was defiance hidden behind her words, a teasing smile dancing on her lips as the wind brushed against her cheeks, giving them that lovely red color; cupping her cheek, Killian pressed a quick kiss on her mouth, giving up on trying to be the reasonable one and giving in, accepting to just drop the party.

"Never", he whispered against her lips, Emma shaking her head before guiding him out of the apartment.

They didn't even bother to explain themselves to the people shooting them questioning looks as Emma and Killian passed by them.

They were alone.

In love.

* * *

It was storming like crazy outside but Emma didn't seem to care; their clothes were soaked but neither of them complained because there was something timeless and totally reckless in this moment, something Killian wouldn't give up for the world.

Emma's hair was sticking to her face and neck, her fingers wrapped around his tightly as if, just like him, she was afraid to lose him in the storm.

As if he would ever let go.

"What is it you want to give me that couldn't wait, love?" Killian chuckled, tugging on her hand to make her twirl around and land in his arms; Emma had taken them to a beach not very far away from the party.

If he didn't know her better, Killian would say Emma was getting soft, and worse, even romantic.

"Can't you just wait?" Emma pouted, their clothes stinking to their skin but still not a real issue for either of them, their lips finding each other as they walked in the direction of the sea.

"With this wet dress, I wonder where you could keep that present you are so desperate to give me, love", Killian said with amusement face, kissing her nose and walking her backward toward the ocean; Emma let him do so, their shoes tossed away a long time ago.

God knew they didn't care.

"Maybe you should try to find it."

"Don't tease the devil, Swan."

"You're far from being the devil, Killian", Emma said with all the seriousness of the world, her eyes shining brightly.

Killian was spellbound, his mouth dry from everything he was feeling and seeing, all his senses telling him the same thing.

It was right, this love, as all-consuming and immense as it was.

Nothing had ever felt so right. Nothing. No other place or the time would ever feel righter than this, the two of them together on the beach, near the sea, Emma laughing, her smile bright and her eyes shining in the night; thankfully it was hot enough that they weren't freezing despite being wet to the bones.

"Do you remember that night?" Emma asked him cheerfully, locking her arms around his neck, not caring about the waves making their clothes even wetter than they already were.

"What night? What are you talking about?" Killian answered back with as much passion as she had put in her words, feeling like they were alone on Earth, walking by the sea; he pushed away the worries and doubts of the last few months, love being the only thing that remained, the only thing worth fighting for.

"The night, that night, when it all started."

_He hadn't been sure she would show up. After all, a kiss wasn't a promise, it was only a maybe, something you shot at the sky, something you think in a moment but forget the second after. A kiss, lips pressed against each other, bodies melting at the touch of the other, eyes meeting eyes, soul finding soul. Emma, her name he still remembered from that almost mystic night, had told him to meet her on this very same beach._

_Who knew if she would come._

_It had been stupid of him, or that was what his friends had told him; it was just a chick, nothing more. And yet, Killian couldn't shake the feeling that something incredible had happened that night, something that hadn't stopped lingering within him, something powerful and waiting to grow, a feeling, a sensation, something his own instinct, usually so careful and calculated, told him to go for without questioning it. _

_There was no time for that._

_And eventually, under the sky of the light night, Emma appeared, hair curling in the air as the wind played a wild dance with her golden locks, wearing shorts with a white tank top; she had hesitantly walked to him, the wildness of the previous day behind them, a new shyness between them, the lack of their walls taking them both by surprise._

_They were not familiar, they didn't know each other, they were nothing but strangers who had happened to exchange a kiss in the cold water of the sea, but still, Killian could remember all too well the saltiness of that kiss and the way her lips had felt, so alive under his, and the texture of her hair, wet or dry, sand in it or not, between his fingers._

_There was something between them; without talking, without touching, just by the simple meeting of their eyes, they had unwrapped the layers of clothes, and he had seen her, afraid and scared in a way nobody should ever be, her scars matching his, the pain in her eyes finding an echo in his._

_Killian didn't know how long it lasted, this whole staring game, this challenging look Emma was giving him to go for it, to break the silence, to dare take the first step; something in her eyes had lit a fire within him, powerful, threatening to spread through his veins quicker than Killian could have ever imagined._

_He would fall hard for this woman. Hard and without any will to stop the fall at the last moment. _

_There wouldn't be coming back from this._

_And answering the muted challenge in Emma's eyes, Killian had pulled her in a searing kiss, slamming his lips and body against hers, sealing his fate with hers this very second, Emma answering the kiss with equal fervor, melting in his embrace and pulling him closer, seeking entrance to his mouth, into his life, and his heart, something Killian gave her without an second of hesitation, giving to her as much as she was giving to him, leaving promises at the corners of his mouth, tracing them on his skin with the tips of her nails._

_Flashes, bright and irradiating, passed behind his lids, colors and love, promise and hope filling his whole body, his system, poisoning his mind and every thought._

_No coming back._

_It didn't matter if there was or not; Killian didn't want it anyway._

_Minutes, seconds, hours or years passed between them, he knew her, she knew him and it was all they needed. What they had sought their whole life, something they still couldn't grasp or put into words, too scared to call it anything yet, but still willing to give in, because neither of them was ready to let this feeling go._

_And as they sat in the sand, Emma wrapped in his arms while he embraced her from behind, her back against his chest, they just breathed and remained silent, taking this moment for what it was, unnamed, fragile and ephemeral, Killian's hands caressing their way up and down her arms, fingers brushing gently over her shoulders and wandering over her neck, playing with the necklace she wore._

"_What is this?" Killian wondered against her ear, grinning when he felt her tense at the caress of his breath on her skin._

"_A swan, a keychain someone gave me a long time ago", Emma answered quickly, kissing his arm before resting her head against it._

"_Does it have a special significance for you?" He dared to ask, not really caring about manners or what was right; he didn't really have the impression that the conventional rules applied to them._

"_Curious, aren't you?" _

"_Mysterious much?" Killian shot back, brushing his nose along her cheek._

_Emma laughed, a melodic song that he had learned to laugh with almost immediately, and she had surprised him by telling him the truth when he had expected her to remain closed up; the infuriating lass that she was she opened up to him, caressing his arm absentmindedly._

"_It's an old thing someone gave me, a long time ago, before leaving, I… I keep it as a reminder never to let myself trust anyone."_

"_Strange trinket," Killian commented, tightening his embrace; his words made it sound like it wasn't important, but he could feel from the way her shoulders tensed and imagine the way her brows frowned together because this wasn't an easy part of her story that she was used to telling just anyone._

"_Not a happy ending." _

"_Is it?" He cocked his head to meet her gaze; she avoided it at first but soon yielded to him and showed him her eyes, or what is her heart? He couldn't quite tell, the green color of her eyes messing way too much with his head for him to be able to tell._

"_Is it what?" Emma looked confused, her fingers tapping on his forearms at his question._

"_Not a happy ending means an end, so I'm asking you, is it an end?" _

_Her lips parted, no words coming from her; she was looking at him spellbound and frozen. Shaking his head, Killian stood up, gripping her hand and answering her silent question; she had thought that he was leaving her after such a confession. Walking and guiding her into the sea, Killian turned around to take her in his arms, the matter of personal space forgotten._

"_I have an idea", Killian started, his hands going to her waist and keeping her steady, his back to the waves that were hitting him from behind. "Take off the keychain."_

"_Excuse me?" She was puzzled; Emma obviously didn't expect him to ask her to do such a thing, her fingers going to her chain and closing around the swan as if she was protecting it, or herself._

"_You could try something new", Killian pulled her a little bit closer. "It's called trust." _

"_I heard that before", her walls seemed to be up again, coldness not only taking over her body and making her freeze, but her whole expression hardening too._

"_Not from me." _

"_What makes you think I want anything to do with you?" Emma shot back sharply, earning herself a smile from Killian who was more than pleased by the new challenge she was; there was something about the way she bit with her nails and teeth, her lips then curling into a fragile smile, letting him in before pulling away._

"_Who said it was about me, love?" Killian rose a brow and gave her a devilish smile. "This is just about you."_

"_Why do you care?" Her question wasn't meant to be said on a rough tone, but still, there was something in her voice that sounded like a surprise, as if it was impossible for someone to care about her that way._

"_Does it matter if I do?" _

_The fact that he kept answering her questions with another question, pulling her out of her comfort zone gave her pause, but something changed in the back of her eyes, something burning deep down in her searching for a way out. Slowly but without hesitation, Emma's hands went behind her neck, reaching for the clasp and undoing it before handing him the necklace._

_Taking it in his hand, Killian examined the object, a swan marked on a white stone, something simple, but still precious to her judging by the way she was biting her lip staring at the jewel with a sad expression._

"_Throw it away."_

_Lifting an interrogating gaze at him, Emma took the keychain back, walking around Killian and facing the sea, her hand closing into a fist around the heavy necklace, nails digging in._

"_Killian…", she called, using his name for the first time, looking over her shoulder at him, seeking his support which he gave her without thinking, embracing her from behind, his hand wandering over her arm to reach her fist, his fingers caressing her knuckles gently. _

"_Let go", he whispered, resting his chin on her shoulder, his arm around her keeping her steady as she pulled her arm behind her before throwing the necklace to the ocean with all her strength; the water swallowed it hungrily, taking away the last reminder of something lost a long time ago._

"How could I ever forget that night", Killian answered after a while. "You were bloody gorgeous, brilliant."

Emma buried her nose in his chest, nuzzling his neck playfully. "You always say that", she chuckled and Killian tangled his fingers in her hair, tugging on it gently to make her look at him.

"Maybe because it's true."

"Or because you want to know what I have for you under the dress", Emma snapped back, poking him in the ribs and pulling him closer to the sea, her expression going from humor to seriousness in a bare second. "You made me throw away my keychain."

"Aye, I did", he caressed the side of her face, from her temple to her chin, his gaze going from her eyes to her lips when he rested his forehead against hers. "Trust."

"Try something new", Emma repeated, as if she had learned the words by heart as a mantra; maybe she had, but even if he asked, Killian knew she wouldn't tell him. "It's called trust."

"Who would have thought you were listening to me that day", Killian teased her, kissing her briefly before breathing out again. "I'm glad you listened to me."

"I'm glad you waited."

Pulling away, Emma unlocked her arms from around his neck to find something hidden in her bra, shooting him a death glare to stop him from commenting on it. Reluctantly, Killian kept quiet, but didn't stop himself from looking at her, wanting.

She was always full of surprises; he had known that from the beginning, just like he knew he would fall hard for her and never get up.

"A long time ago, or not so long, I don't really remember or care, you made me throw away my keychain, the one that Neal had given me", Emma told him, not even flinching at the mention of her ex-lover. "Something that I kept as a reminder not to let myself trust anyone."

Letting her finish, Killian caressed her forearm, not quite sure what to expect from her, but still not finding himself afraid of it.

"I know we said we should take things slowly, that maybe it's too soon, but…", she trailed off, her eyes seeking his, needing his support once more; Killian cupped her cheek instantly and brushed his thumb over her skin, his breath dancing on her lips and making her loose her trail of thought for a moment. "But… You're scared, I know you are, and I don't want you to be, because this", a smile, genuine and cheerful appeared on her lips, "this is to stay, you and me." Emma repeated the same words he had given to her on another beach, handing him something; she opened her palms slowly, and offered to his eyes a necklace with a silver band at the end of it.

"Are you putting a knee in the water for me Swan?" Killian joked, not quite sure what to say, completely taken by surprise and happy at the same time.

"In your dreams, Jones", she almost stuck out her tongue at him. "You will, but until then, this is your reminder."

"Thank you", Killian murmured, kissing her and ignoring the necklace for a brief moment, smiling through the kiss as Emma draped her arms around him, more than aware that his words sounded more like an I love you this time.

Falling hard.

Without hesitation.

He knew.

"Help me put in on", Emma whimpered against his lips and Killian lowered himself to help her lock the necklace around his neck; she pressed a kiss on his chest once she was done, right above his heart.

"So, does this mean I'm your soon to be fiancé?" Killian couldn't help but laugh, breathing in deeply Emma's perfume and the sea, though those two things were the same for him. If he was her sea, she was his as well.

They belonged there.

Next to the sea.

In each other's arms.

"Aye, you are."

* * *

**The End**

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**Reviews please!**

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**_I'm so emotional that this story is over now, it was an amazing ride with all of you, thank you so much for your support and your messages/reviews/favoriting/following/etc.. it meant a lot for me. You got an idea of their lives, how they are working on their issues and how they are trying to find their happy ending, this was much happier than I expected, they weren't supposed to be so happy, but what can I say, if Killian is a sap, so am I._**

**_Thank to Irene, Lexi, Montana, without you I wouldn't have made it until the end, for that, I can't find the words to thank you enough._**

**_What the Water Gave me, the song that inspired the title, has been my background music until the end of this chapter, giving me the little something to finish it._**

**_I will see you on Six Times Emma sneaks into Killian's cabins, and very soon with Of Seas and Sunflowers, my new story, and in Swallowed by the Sea, a projet and story I've started with Montanarosalie._**

**_Love,_**

**_Adriane._**


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